One thing married life affords me is the fact I no longer have to date. Instead of working up the courage to ask a girl out and then trying to impressive her with my creative, seductive charm, I now only have to accompany friends and family on double dates...where I get to watch them impress girls with their creative and seductive charm. So far, my resume consists only of Britt putting the moves on a local reporter here by the name of Danielle, not to mention a couple of years back hooking him up with a young girl from the ad agency I worked at. I think I also set him up on a date with the lead singer of the band I played in. Not sure if anyone knew Tiffany had gone out with him, but she did. None of the experiences went well for him, though I got drunk and had fun all three nights.
Well, I am going on another date tomorrow night and am excited about it. My brother, Stephen, moved to Tyler and is going to meet a young woman who works at the station. I will watch closely as he molds typical conversation into humorous anecdotes, or perhaps executes a well timed wink, point and smile. I am going to sit back and drink whiskey drinks, occasionally making note of a particular gesture or phrase so that later I can say, "Remember when Stephen did that!"
So, wish Stephen luck. Not only must he meet this girl for the first time and hope to impress her, he must do these things with his goofy, inebriated, older brother watching him.
Thursday, December 11, 2008
Wednesday, November 26, 2008
17) Tyler Obama Love
Here are a couple of the ridiculous things I have heard from people in Tyler recently concerning the President Elect:
* Hide your guns!
* He is going to change the American Flag and the National Anthem.
* He wants to turn our country into a socialist regime where everyone is equal, even if they are too lazy to work for themselves.
* Our terrorist enemies are going to see that he is weak and will thus attack our country within a year.
Obviously these claims are ridiculous and it is impossible to argue with people who cannot see how crazy these statements are. Politics are complex and confusing, and sometimes it is difficult to make sense of all the information fired at us. I also accept the fact that democrats are guilty of ridiculous comments too (Whoopi arguing with McCain that he is pro-slavery because he is a constitutionalist), but here in Tyler I do not hear those, so do not have examples to mention here.
At lunch on Monday three people at our table complained that Obama plans to address all of America's problems and by so doing will spread his efforts too thin to do any good. Essentially their complaint was that he wants to do too much good for our country, and he is not yet in office. I told them to give the man a chance before condemning his efforts. They froze and one of them said, "Oh my God! Did you vote for Obama?!"
The entire table (14 people) stopped talking and looked at me. I explained that the odds were unfair for a political discussion, but that I did in fact vote for Obama. So many people at the table started yelling at me from different angles that I could not defend myself. I took it all in and wondered how so many people could be so against something that would help them. The people yelling at me, except 1, make less than $50,000 a year and have chilren. They would benefit from tax breaks to the middle class and their children would benefit from new schools and hospitals. Yet they claimed that all of their money was going to be taken from them and given to bums too lazy to work for themselves.
I explained that Obama is not in favor of increasing taxes so that he can give free money to bums. They shook their heads and told me that is what socialism is: taking money from the hard working people and giving it to the lazy people. I told them that Obama is not in favor of socialism and they laughed at me. They called me brainwashed by the Democratic machine.
Only 1 person at the table made sense. He was the one who makes 6 figures. He said, "Hardy, one of these days you are going to be making a lot of money and you will not want the government to tax you extra."
This is at the heart of all the issues. People who make a lot of money do not want anymore taxed from them. I get that. But there are changes that need to be made. The longer things are ignored or kept at status quo, the more difficult it will be to fix them. And no matter how many problems we have, I would rather our president hope to fix them all and run the risk of spreading his efforts too thin, than have a president who does not attempt at all.
Sorry for the rant, even though this one is pretty harmless.
* Hide your guns!
* He is going to change the American Flag and the National Anthem.
* He wants to turn our country into a socialist regime where everyone is equal, even if they are too lazy to work for themselves.
* Our terrorist enemies are going to see that he is weak and will thus attack our country within a year.
Obviously these claims are ridiculous and it is impossible to argue with people who cannot see how crazy these statements are. Politics are complex and confusing, and sometimes it is difficult to make sense of all the information fired at us. I also accept the fact that democrats are guilty of ridiculous comments too (Whoopi arguing with McCain that he is pro-slavery because he is a constitutionalist), but here in Tyler I do not hear those, so do not have examples to mention here.
At lunch on Monday three people at our table complained that Obama plans to address all of America's problems and by so doing will spread his efforts too thin to do any good. Essentially their complaint was that he wants to do too much good for our country, and he is not yet in office. I told them to give the man a chance before condemning his efforts. They froze and one of them said, "Oh my God! Did you vote for Obama?!"
The entire table (14 people) stopped talking and looked at me. I explained that the odds were unfair for a political discussion, but that I did in fact vote for Obama. So many people at the table started yelling at me from different angles that I could not defend myself. I took it all in and wondered how so many people could be so against something that would help them. The people yelling at me, except 1, make less than $50,000 a year and have chilren. They would benefit from tax breaks to the middle class and their children would benefit from new schools and hospitals. Yet they claimed that all of their money was going to be taken from them and given to bums too lazy to work for themselves.
I explained that Obama is not in favor of increasing taxes so that he can give free money to bums. They shook their heads and told me that is what socialism is: taking money from the hard working people and giving it to the lazy people. I told them that Obama is not in favor of socialism and they laughed at me. They called me brainwashed by the Democratic machine.
Only 1 person at the table made sense. He was the one who makes 6 figures. He said, "Hardy, one of these days you are going to be making a lot of money and you will not want the government to tax you extra."
This is at the heart of all the issues. People who make a lot of money do not want anymore taxed from them. I get that. But there are changes that need to be made. The longer things are ignored or kept at status quo, the more difficult it will be to fix them. And no matter how many problems we have, I would rather our president hope to fix them all and run the risk of spreading his efforts too thin, than have a president who does not attempt at all.
Sorry for the rant, even though this one is pretty harmless.
Tuesday, November 4, 2008
16) The Coolest Superhero
Dorky people argue endlessly about which of the many superheroes is the coolest. Superman can fly, but is rendered completely useless by kryptonite, which seems to be readily available. Spiderman can shoot cool webs but has been lamely protrayed by Tobey Maguire. The Wolverine is cool and tough, but he must feel intense pain each time his claws come out. There are many superheroes to choose from and just as many arguements supporting or declining their respective rights to that coveted "Coolest Superhero" award.
I have the answer. I know who the coolest superhero is, and I have undeniable proof. Last Friday was Halloween and we prepared by purchasing much candy to give out. We parked in a straight line so that children would have easy access to our front door. We turned on our porch light and opened all our blinds. We dressed in our costumes and put Polly in the backyard. Ultimately...we waited.
No trick-or-treaters came to our house. We checked every few minutes for kids walking down the street. We paced around our front door munching on Reece's Peanut Butter cups and Twixs. We walked out to the street to see if we mught expect any kids eventually. Finally we put on a scary movie all but giving up hope that children would visit our house for candy.
And then the doorbell rang. L. jumped from the couch and adjusted her ladybug wings. I grabbed the dog. She grabbed the bowl of candy and opened the front door to find Batman standing on our front porch. Batman said, "Trick or Treat", holding out an orange pumpkin container.
Batman was the only superhero and only trick-or-treater who cared enough to visit our home for Halloween, and has thus been crowned "The Coolest Superhero".
I have the answer. I know who the coolest superhero is, and I have undeniable proof. Last Friday was Halloween and we prepared by purchasing much candy to give out. We parked in a straight line so that children would have easy access to our front door. We turned on our porch light and opened all our blinds. We dressed in our costumes and put Polly in the backyard. Ultimately...we waited.
No trick-or-treaters came to our house. We checked every few minutes for kids walking down the street. We paced around our front door munching on Reece's Peanut Butter cups and Twixs. We walked out to the street to see if we mught expect any kids eventually. Finally we put on a scary movie all but giving up hope that children would visit our house for candy.
And then the doorbell rang. L. jumped from the couch and adjusted her ladybug wings. I grabbed the dog. She grabbed the bowl of candy and opened the front door to find Batman standing on our front porch. Batman said, "Trick or Treat", holding out an orange pumpkin container.
Batman was the only superhero and only trick-or-treater who cared enough to visit our home for Halloween, and has thus been crowned "The Coolest Superhero".
Wednesday, October 29, 2008
15) A Gamble
I walked into the office bathroom to take care of some business and noticed the roll of toilet paper to be considerably thin. I glanced around for backup rolls and discovered there to be none. I eyed the roll more closely, gauging whether or not there was enough TP for me to make a commitment, or if I needed to walk to the upstairs bathroom. I decided quickly there was enough and locked the door behind me.
I sat down and started reading my Cowboy's article (discussing whether or not to bench Johnson). The meager roll of TP caught my attention and I started second guessing my decision to commit to this bathroom. I realized what I had done. I had decided to gamble. On one side things would go smooth and I could leave the bathroom unscarred, leaving the problem of no TP for the next person to deal with. On the other side, however, I could have put myself into a world of hurt.
Imagine, what if there was not enough TP. I would have been forced to do something no man should ever do:
1) Use my hand, washing after every wipe. That would have caused me to throw up and every hand I shook afterward would have been mean and unforgiving.
2) Use the cheap paper towels. This would have been no bueno para me culo.
3) Knock on the wall and ask Jai (the girl who can hear everything in the bathroom) if she can get some TP and throw it to me. This would have been embarassing and I am not sure I know anyone at the station well enough to call for TP.
4) After the last sheet of paper, regardless of how clean I was, I pull up my pants and drive home to take a shower and change my clothes.
The whole point of this story is to ask why would I put myself in that situation? I could just as easily walked to the upstairs bathroom. Why make this sort of gamble? Gambling money is one thing. Gambling sanity, embarassment and disgust...that is something else.
I sat down and started reading my Cowboy's article (discussing whether or not to bench Johnson). The meager roll of TP caught my attention and I started second guessing my decision to commit to this bathroom. I realized what I had done. I had decided to gamble. On one side things would go smooth and I could leave the bathroom unscarred, leaving the problem of no TP for the next person to deal with. On the other side, however, I could have put myself into a world of hurt.
Imagine, what if there was not enough TP. I would have been forced to do something no man should ever do:
1) Use my hand, washing after every wipe. That would have caused me to throw up and every hand I shook afterward would have been mean and unforgiving.
2) Use the cheap paper towels. This would have been no bueno para me culo.
3) Knock on the wall and ask Jai (the girl who can hear everything in the bathroom) if she can get some TP and throw it to me. This would have been embarassing and I am not sure I know anyone at the station well enough to call for TP.
4) After the last sheet of paper, regardless of how clean I was, I pull up my pants and drive home to take a shower and change my clothes.
The whole point of this story is to ask why would I put myself in that situation? I could just as easily walked to the upstairs bathroom. Why make this sort of gamble? Gambling money is one thing. Gambling sanity, embarassment and disgust...that is something else.
Friday, October 10, 2008
14) Auto Repair Presentation
During these rough economic times we, as TV Account Executives at KLTV, have been given categories for which we must become experts. Our goal is to learn as much as possible about a particular business so that we can present to the team tips on closing similar businesses. We are also supposed to make ourselves available to accompany other execs on pitches within our realm of expertise. I am an expert in 2 categories(so they tell me), Automotive Repair & Plumbing.
I delivered my presentation on Automotive Repair last week. As I learned in high school speech, it is good to begin a presentation with an attention getter. Considering myself a humorous and witty individual, I usually choose a joke of some kind. Now, I stay away from silly riddles or dirty jokes. Instead, I use subtle humor that is often missed by individuals not interested in paying attention to a presentation.
For my Automotive Repair presentation I began by saying a line similar to, "The automotive repair industry is complex due to the increasing technology used to design and build today's cars. So, I have decided to start with the engine." I clicked my power point presentation to slide number 2 where I had a diagram of an engine. The diagram explained the basic physics of internal combustion. I continued my presentation, "The gasoline travels into this chamber here, where it mixes with oxygen. As the spark plug fires a great deal of pressure is released..."
At this point in the presentation I looked up, expecting to see the pleasant expressions of our execs who understood my fake presentation into the mechanics of an automobile. However, this is not what I saw. Instead, I saw: My bosses confused face. Three execs not even paying attention. One exec with a smile and an understanding nod. And a couple of others from our support staff reluctantly waiting for more information on the pistons causing the drive shaft to spin. I said, "Just kidding," and mumbled something about that being my attention getter before starting on my marketing presentation.
The attention getter was a complete failure and did nothing but make me look dumb. The presentation was a good one, and afterward my boss said, "That was extremely informative. I liked it all, except for the crap at the beginning."
Incidentally, our presentations are forwarded to our VP of Regional Marketing, who used to be the GM of our station. He presents it to all the other sales teams within our corporate umbrella (in this case something like 53 stations). I did not know this happened until he came in my office and said, "Your presentation was very good. Except I did not understand the slide with the engine on it. Can you explain to me what that was?"
This failure reminds me of a class I took at Baylor on Robert Browning. Our professor centered our grades on 2 presentations we gave throughout the semester. One of those presentations I gave with Chris. Using my high school speech once again, Chris and I put together a small skit which was to be used as our attention getter. I cannot remember the specifics of the skit, but I remember one guy in our class getting the subtle humor and laughing. His name is Cliff and he has a high pitched laugh. Everyone else just ignored it, forcing me to mumble, "that was our attention getter..."
Anyway, now I am wondering what sort of attention getter I will prepare for my Plumber Presentation.
I delivered my presentation on Automotive Repair last week. As I learned in high school speech, it is good to begin a presentation with an attention getter. Considering myself a humorous and witty individual, I usually choose a joke of some kind. Now, I stay away from silly riddles or dirty jokes. Instead, I use subtle humor that is often missed by individuals not interested in paying attention to a presentation.
For my Automotive Repair presentation I began by saying a line similar to, "The automotive repair industry is complex due to the increasing technology used to design and build today's cars. So, I have decided to start with the engine." I clicked my power point presentation to slide number 2 where I had a diagram of an engine. The diagram explained the basic physics of internal combustion. I continued my presentation, "The gasoline travels into this chamber here, where it mixes with oxygen. As the spark plug fires a great deal of pressure is released..."
At this point in the presentation I looked up, expecting to see the pleasant expressions of our execs who understood my fake presentation into the mechanics of an automobile. However, this is not what I saw. Instead, I saw: My bosses confused face. Three execs not even paying attention. One exec with a smile and an understanding nod. And a couple of others from our support staff reluctantly waiting for more information on the pistons causing the drive shaft to spin. I said, "Just kidding," and mumbled something about that being my attention getter before starting on my marketing presentation.
The attention getter was a complete failure and did nothing but make me look dumb. The presentation was a good one, and afterward my boss said, "That was extremely informative. I liked it all, except for the crap at the beginning."
Incidentally, our presentations are forwarded to our VP of Regional Marketing, who used to be the GM of our station. He presents it to all the other sales teams within our corporate umbrella (in this case something like 53 stations). I did not know this happened until he came in my office and said, "Your presentation was very good. Except I did not understand the slide with the engine on it. Can you explain to me what that was?"
This failure reminds me of a class I took at Baylor on Robert Browning. Our professor centered our grades on 2 presentations we gave throughout the semester. One of those presentations I gave with Chris. Using my high school speech once again, Chris and I put together a small skit which was to be used as our attention getter. I cannot remember the specifics of the skit, but I remember one guy in our class getting the subtle humor and laughing. His name is Cliff and he has a high pitched laugh. Everyone else just ignored it, forcing me to mumble, "that was our attention getter..."
Anyway, now I am wondering what sort of attention getter I will prepare for my Plumber Presentation.
13) Sicko
Watched Sicko last night. I know many people do not like Michael Moore because he is somewhat of an ass and manipulates his documentaries to strengthen his side of a particular issue. However, this documentary is worth watching. Michael Moore asks some interesting questions and follows many compeling stories as he explores the problems with America's current Health Care system.
The film hit me so hard because of my family situation. My mom has been fighting with her insurance company for more than ten years. She has been diagnosed a manic depressive and as a result requires constant medication and consistent therapy. It took 7 years for her to get properly diagnosed, and we still aren't sure if her medications are correct.
My brother Cody is Autistic, and has not been properly diagnosed. My step father's denial kept him from seeking proper medical attention for Cody, a problem that would have been addressed if Health Care were free and provided by the government.
My step mother Jeanne suffers from seperation anxiety and cabin fever, due to the long hours my father works. Her anxiety has within the last couple of years begun to manifest itself physically with bumps and sores all over her face, neck and arms. My father was hurt on the job (blue collar) and now must work with the pain because his insurance only covers so much medication.
My youngest brother David has learning disabilities and extreme ADHD, but cannot get properly treated because my father is the cheapest man in Texas. I feel myself being awfully preachy, and I did not want to do that. So basically, check the movie out and relate these issues to your own life and see how it affects you.
On a different note, I noticed Obama is up in the polls. I see that as a good thing. I just hope there is not another mysterious ballot counting error in Florida...
The film hit me so hard because of my family situation. My mom has been fighting with her insurance company for more than ten years. She has been diagnosed a manic depressive and as a result requires constant medication and consistent therapy. It took 7 years for her to get properly diagnosed, and we still aren't sure if her medications are correct.
My brother Cody is Autistic, and has not been properly diagnosed. My step father's denial kept him from seeking proper medical attention for Cody, a problem that would have been addressed if Health Care were free and provided by the government.
My step mother Jeanne suffers from seperation anxiety and cabin fever, due to the long hours my father works. Her anxiety has within the last couple of years begun to manifest itself physically with bumps and sores all over her face, neck and arms. My father was hurt on the job (blue collar) and now must work with the pain because his insurance only covers so much medication.
My youngest brother David has learning disabilities and extreme ADHD, but cannot get properly treated because my father is the cheapest man in Texas. I feel myself being awfully preachy, and I did not want to do that. So basically, check the movie out and relate these issues to your own life and see how it affects you.
On a different note, I noticed Obama is up in the polls. I see that as a good thing. I just hope there is not another mysterious ballot counting error in Florida...
Tuesday, October 7, 2008
12) Cody Trouble
Cody graduated high school in May and my family was eager for him to get to college. Joe (his father) settled on Schreiner University in Kerrville because it advertised programs for students with learning disabilities. Cody struggled with his classes. His anxiety manifested into a physical form, the inability to speak. He woke with the inability to speak on test days.
The school called the family and Beverly (Cody's step-mother) visited the school. She discovered he was stressed because of his Research Writing class. After much thought the family okayed him dropping the class.
Cody continued to struggle with his other three classes. He failed his exams and lied about it (first time he has lied to anyone in the family).
On Friday while hanging out in the common room another student approached Cody and his roommate Will. Both are religious people. This student challenged them into a religious discussion. The discussion turned to an argument, which eventually turned into a name calling catastrophe. Cody left the room and returned to his dorm with Will.
It was at this time that Will noticed a change in Cody's demeanor. His face took on a different expression, as did the tone and inflections of his voice. Will asked Cody what was wrong. Cody replied, "I am not Cody. I am Victor Snow."
Cody experienced a disassociative identity crisis of some kind. While being Victor Snow he explained to Will how he planned to kill the student who they argued with earlier. Will then went to the RA and turned Cody in (which was the right thing to do). The RA called the hospital and the school expelled Cody.
Joe picked Cody up from Kerrville at 4 in the morning and took him back home. Stephen and I drove to Livingston to help and support in any way we could. Nothing much has been decided. There is much going on here that I will go into later. The first step is getting Cody to a professional who can properly diagnose and prescribe medication for the problems Cody is experiencing.
I will go more into this later...
The school called the family and Beverly (Cody's step-mother) visited the school. She discovered he was stressed because of his Research Writing class. After much thought the family okayed him dropping the class.
Cody continued to struggle with his other three classes. He failed his exams and lied about it (first time he has lied to anyone in the family).
On Friday while hanging out in the common room another student approached Cody and his roommate Will. Both are religious people. This student challenged them into a religious discussion. The discussion turned to an argument, which eventually turned into a name calling catastrophe. Cody left the room and returned to his dorm with Will.
It was at this time that Will noticed a change in Cody's demeanor. His face took on a different expression, as did the tone and inflections of his voice. Will asked Cody what was wrong. Cody replied, "I am not Cody. I am Victor Snow."
Cody experienced a disassociative identity crisis of some kind. While being Victor Snow he explained to Will how he planned to kill the student who they argued with earlier. Will then went to the RA and turned Cody in (which was the right thing to do). The RA called the hospital and the school expelled Cody.
Joe picked Cody up from Kerrville at 4 in the morning and took him back home. Stephen and I drove to Livingston to help and support in any way we could. Nothing much has been decided. There is much going on here that I will go into later. The first step is getting Cody to a professional who can properly diagnose and prescribe medication for the problems Cody is experiencing.
I will go more into this later...
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