103) Personal Post #1

Not sure why, but I have avoided personal posts throughout my years (yes, it has been years) of writing on this thing.  Not sure this was done on purpose, but here goes my first attempt at a personal post:

A couple of weeks ago I noticed a mole on my scalp that is almost the size of a dime.  It was difficult to see through my hair, but I could tell there was something going on that needed to be checked out.  Made a doctor's appointment with a dermatologist to check out the mole and confirm that everything was A-OK.  The appointment was yesterday.

I specifically chose a female dermatologist because I have learned throughout my years that women can find anything, while men cannot find a damn thing.  Dr. A entered the room, read through my chart and said, "so, we are going to do a general check up to make sure you don't have any questionable moles?"  I nod.  She then said, "Would you like for me to look below your pants?"

I was sort of confused by the wording, but understood enough that she was asking me how thorough I wanted this check up to be.  I hesitated.  I was not expecting this question.  In the moment I figured it would be smart to check my entire body, lest I don't mind ignoring testicular cancer.  I said, "Sure.  Let's go below my pants."

She produced a long piece of paper that felt more like a paper towel than actual paper.  She asked me to strip down and cover myself with the paper.  I did so and learned that I could not sit down without potentially tearing my paper towel skirt.  She asked me if there was a particular mole that motivated me to make the appointment.  I told her my scalp and showed here where the dime mole was.  She used a little device to check it out and then proceeded to scour my entire head for more moles.  She checked my neck, my face, my shoulders, my arms, my chest, my back, my stomach...all the while saying things like, "here's another one, but the pigments look fine" and "here's a tiny one that is perfectly symmetrical.  Nothing to worry about here."

And then she got to the waist, where my right hand held the paper against my hip as if I had just gotten out of the shower.  She said, "Let's have a look, shall we?"  Without hesitation or regret, I dropped the paper towel and stood there in the middle of the room completely naked.

Here is where the personal part of the story comes into play.  I am comfortable with my body.  I have no issues with me physically...which is to say, I am happy and confident with the largeness of my penis.  I dropped the paper towel and was in no way concerned about what Dr. A was about to contend with.

And then I looked down.  The timid dingaling hanging there was NOT the thing I wake up to every morning, NOT the thing I shower with every evening, and NOT the thing I play with every chance I get.  I was blindsided by this imposter johnson, shriveled and tucked away like a scared turtle.  I was not sure what to do.  I thought about Costanza pleading that there was shrinkage after he swam in the cold ocean.  I considered slapping him around to wake him up.  I wondered if I should try and think about women in bikinis dancing around, but then quickly shot that idea down so as not to cause a problem in the other direction.

Ultimately,  I did nothing.  I stood there and waited for it to be over.  I shook my head slowly and thought about the stern talking to he was going to get once the appointment was over.  Dr. A finished and told me I could get dressed.  She said everything looked great and that my skin looked healthy.  "Thanks," I muttered, still confused at what had just happened.

I wish I had a moral for you.  My first instinct would be not to go below the pants.  My second instinct would be to have the stern talking to right before the dermatologist appointment, but I'm not convinced that would do any good either.  My third instinct would be to take viagra before going, but I am not sure wasting a viagra is the right answer.  I think the best thing to do is to write your first personal blog post about the whole thing...