139) The Significance of 300

The number 300 is significant, indeed.  It is the total number of points in a perfect bowling game.  There are approximately 300 steps (more like 306) that lead to the top of The Temple of Dawn, an impressive structure that graces the banks of the Chao Phraya in Bangkok.  There were 300 Spartans who bravely defended the city against foreign invaders.   According to the crappy movie, all 300 died.  Supposedly 300 is the number of popes and antipopes that would gather throughout history, according to the Roman Catholic Church, before the second arrival of the Christ.

But more importantly, 300 is the milestone page I reached last night on my novel.  I have written 300+ pages on other projects in the past, but for some reason last night felt special.  Perhaps it is because these 300 pages were written by a writer, while the previous projects were written by an advertising guy in his spare time.

138) If you like writing, cats ain't for you...

Do you know how difficult it is to write when you live with cats?  If you do, then this post may be redundant for you.  If you do not, allow me to retort.

Writing is a gigantic pain in the ass when you live with cats!  Any time I sit at my computer, they sprint toward me and jump on the table I am writing at.  So I move to the couch.  They sprint to the couch and jump in my lap where I am writing.  So I move a desk in the spare bedroom and close the door.  They sprint down the hallway just outside the door and meow.  One of them sticks her furry little paws underneath the door and jiggles it non stop.  Seriously non stop.  I have to get up and run her off, which pisses the dog off.  The dog barks and chases the cat, which gives me enough time to write about a sentence and a half (if the sentence is already started in my head) before the cat jiggles the door again.

So to compensate I have been doing much of my writing at a local library or the nearest 1/2 priced books.  Both are good locations.  Both are free from cats.  When I finish this first novel I will have to acknowledge the local library and the 1/2 priced books simply because I have 2 annoying cats!

Did you know that Hemingway lived with like 30 cats?  He loved them.  Maybe my problem is that I have too few cats...

137) Cat and Mouse

A game of Cat & Mouse opened up in front of me as I wrote quietly at a library table.  A bum off the street took a bible from the bookshelf and sat next to me.  He dropped two large bags beneath the table, as far as I could see they were filled with plastic and aluminum garbage, no doubt collected so that he might exchange them for change.  His odor crept across the table like the mist in Stephen King's short story.

A man approached the table and said rather loudly, "Uh-uh!  Not today!"  The man collected the bible from the tabletop and bore his eyes so deeply into the bum that he could do nothing but slink away behind a row of shelves.  I remained seated, bathed in his lingering smell, wondering if the bum will return for his belongings.

The man noticed that I watched the situation with the curiosity of a small child.  It is likely that he thought I watched with a judging eye.  He bore his eyes in my direction, obviously irritated that any part of his job included running a bum out of the public library.  I did not judge.  I feel like I understand the situation perfectly.  One has no place to go, and when it is cold outside any shelter is good shelter.  The other has the integrity of the library to look after.  He is paid to keep this place running so that interested citizens have a place to study and read.

The mouse returned with a book on Christianity.  He read while standing up.  Easier to run away.  The mist closed in once again.  He read, but more accurately he watched.  He watched and waited for the cat who will be coming directly.

136) A New Adventure

Embarking on a new adventure in the form of a new novel project.  I've had a few ideas milling around my imagination for awhile now, but honed in on a specific one and have begun getting pages down.  I plan to share various tidbits from the writing of this new project and will begin by sharing a handful of the ideas that will not get explored.  They are:

• Genie in an Acura - a modern day wishing genie story.  Would be completely sarcastic and dark. The genie would have been an asshole driving around in an Acura, promising things to people and sometimes delivering.  
• Crazy Cat Woman story - a woman lives in a house surrounded by stray cats.  They meow and scurry about her house like she is opening cans of tuna at all hours of the day.  No one comes to visit because she is the crazy cat woman.  And then one day she leaves her house (probably to get more kitty litter) and there are no cats.  She does not know what happened to them.  She is sad.  She does not know what to do with herself.  Because of her new found silence and free time she devotes her life to finding a man and embarking on a new career.  For her, she learns that she has an eccentric and outgoing personality that had been stifled by the presence of too many cats.  She becomes a radio personality or something.  And she falls in love.  Not sure, but I think the ending was going to be something like the man breaks her heart and she slumps back into her house.  The next morning all the cats returned and she is once again the crazy cat lady.  (Sound like a fun read?)  
• Boxing novella - This would follow 3 young UFC fighters training in a small town gym.  To make money they also run hour long classes (like cross fit) where the smallest fighter is the town's favorite instructor.  He makes friends and he trains people to get stronger, but he wants to be a fighter.  Yet, every amateur fight he participates in ends with him getting beat badly.  He is simply too small.  There is more to this story, but i do not want to go into here, because I may one day write this one.  It has potential in ways the catwoman and genie stories do not!
• Union Murder project - When the unions first formed, there were epic struggles between the working class and big business.  This story takes place in a camp formed by thousands of on strike workers who refused to work, but also built camps surrounding the factory to make sure no one else could work either.  It was an extremely hostile environment.  A murder occurs and there is a separate investigation that leads the inspector through the various layers of early american society.  In the end, the murder was over a drunken quarrel involving things said about another man's wife.  

You will just have to wait and see what story trumped all those fabulous ideas!!! 

135) Why Whiskey Is Not Always Good

A friend of mine from college posted a video on FB of him jumping a fiery rope on the beach after drinking much whiskey.  I cannot find a link to share, as the video is definitely worth watching.  I will be looking and will eventually find it.  Until then, enjoy the two photos that still tell the story.

134) Hardy and Cody's Most Excellent Adventure

Last night I learned a lot.  I learned that Joan of Arc was not Noah's wife.  I learned that Napoleon was not a good bowler.  I learned that Sigmund Freud was bit of a geek and Beethoven was exceptionally good at cleaning windows.

But more importantly, I learned that you do not want Cody cutting your hair...

133) IDs and Boats

As a child I spent many hours riding on the boat my parent's bought for our house on Lake Livingston. One particular ride stands out in my mind right now.  It was a typical weekend and we drove the boat to our subdivision marina where I jumped out of the truck and helped Joe back the trailer into the water.   Together we pushed the boat from the trailer where he started the thing and parked it near the dock for the family to get in.  This was my favorite part of our process.  I got to drive the truck and the trailer out of the water and park it in the lot next to the marina.  All by myself!

We cruised out of the marina in search for smooth waters for skiing and inner-tubing.  We had two options, in front of the park near our house or out by the dam.  Joe liked going out by the dam even though it was a little farther from our marina.  Gave us a chance to ride for a little while before the cluster that was getting the family up on skis.

About halfway out we discovered that the boat was taking on water.  LOTS of water.  Joe's first thought was that we hit something.  We looked along the edge of the boat and wondered if perhaps the problem was on the bottom where we could not see.  We lifted the back seats near the engine and discovered that the the back half of the boat was definitely sinking.  To trouble shoot we decided to head back toward the marina at a slow enough speed to help slow the pace of which the water entered the boat.  Mom and I used cups to bail water.  Stephen was extremely young and he sat at the front of the boat.  Suddenly, the engine sputtered and then stopped.  The water caused the thing to stop running, and Joe could not get it started again.

Mild panic set in.  Mom worried that we would not be able to swim in because Stephen and I were still young.  Joe worried about losing our boat.  I remember being scared and hating the feeling that there was nothing we could do but sit and bail water, hopefully faster than it was coming in.  Another family drove by and we honked our horn.  They approached us, tied a rope between our boats and dragged us back to the marina before our boat sank.  I remember the boat twisting in turning, feeling like it was going to turn over because of the awkward physics involved in towing a speed boat with an angular front.

We made it back ok and as we pulled the boat out of the water we learned that we forgot to put the plug in the boat and water was simply coming in through the little hole just below the engine.  Such a small thing, but obviously very important.  For the next several years Stephen would ask if Joe remembered to put the plug in the boat.  I bet he still, to this day wonders about the plug before getting into any boat.

---

This last weekend we flew to California.  L. and I travel well together save for one thing.  She likes to arrive at the airport as the plane is pulling away from the terminal, whereas I like to arrive early enough to lazily check baggage, go through security and rest for 15 minutes before boarding.  For this trip, she did a great job packing and getting ready so that we arrived an hour and fifteen minutes early, plenty of time to get through everything with no stress.  Yet, as I parked the car and climbed onto the park and ride van, I realized I did not have my ID.  You MUST have your ID to travel.

I told L. I did not have my ID, forcing us to get off the van in front of many people who instantly realized that we missed our plane and would have the hassle of figuring out additional plans.  We got back in the car and decided to hurry back home to get it.  On the way, L. would see about finding another flight for us to take.  She called the AA helpline that confirmed our flight info before assigning a service rep.  The recording claimed that our flight had been delayed by 1 hour.  L. called again to make sure.  The recording confirmed that our flight was set to leave 1 hour later than originally planned.

It was a Thursday morning at 8:30a.  We needed to be at the baggage check in by 9:30.  The airport is roughly 30 minutes away when there is no traffic.  Thursday mornings at 8:30a there is mucho traffic.  I hauled ass all the way home.  L. laughed each time she thought about the stupidity that is me leaving my wallet at home.  I shook my head and fought back being super pissed.

I drove like a crazy person.  Very dangerous and probably should have gotten several tickets.  On the way, we arranged for the airport valet to meet us at the baggage check so that we could get out of our car and run our luggage up to the counter...which we did.  The woman behind the counter tried to tell us that we could not check our bags, but we insisted that our flight had been delayed.  Her manager confirmed and we barely made our flight.  It was an extremely stressful hour, one that I would never like to repeat.  EVER!

Now the only question is, how many years will have to hear L. ask me each time we travel if I have my ID?

PS...I wanted to title this post, IDs and Boat Plugs, but then I thought there was a chance you would think this post was about something completely different.

132) Guinness Book of World Records

I was drifting to sleep one night recently when I was painfully awaken by L. tugging at a hair growing off of my ear.  Felt like a hurtful needle being jammed into my earlobe.  She said something like, "Holy hell, is this thing attached to your ear?"  I glared and mumbled something about going for the guinness book record for longest ear hair, so leave me alone and let me sleep.  She instantly found a pic of the current record holder, pictured just below.

I saw the pic and realized I had no shot at making the Guiness Book for this particular record.  However, there are other records I might be able to compete for or have witnessed personally.  They include:

• Longest Hour of Power - played to Lonesome Dove which is like 8 hours long.  I started playing 4 and half hours in, so I would not be the record holder.  Instead, I witnessed Chris and Britt fight through the last couple of hours, finishing off a 30 pack of beer before our night really even began.
• # of times I saw Braveheart in the theater.  Cody would be proud of me.
• I would say # of times I've seen The Jungle Book, but Cody has me by a couple thousand.  I'm in second, though.
• Consecutive mornings eating donuts.  In Junior High I ate donuts every morning on the way to school.  Every!  Cody threw up donuts on the way to school every morning on the account of his asmars.
• Longest drive in the wrong direction.  One time in college, Tarek and I drove from the lakehouse to Keller Springs with a stop over in Waco.  Because of the long drive we started playing "I'm Thinking of a Person" (similar to 20 questions) outside of Waco.  Because I am not great at paying attention and we were occupied playing a game, we made it several miles north of Fort Worth before we realized we missed our turn.  We were clued in by signs pointing out the number of miles to Oklahoma.  
• Most hours to mow 1 yard for which we were only paid $35.  No doubt we were dumb for misquoting the time needed to mow this particular lot that was over grown by several years.  Chris's mom confronted the jerk after he only paid us $35.  She asked him why he was taking advantage of two dumbass kids.  He answered by saying he needed to teach us a lesson.  That if we were going to misquote something and shake on it, then we'd better honor our side of the arrangement and then learn not to be so dumb in the future.  Back then I thought he was ridiculous.  Now, however, I see his point and can't wait to meet 2 dumbass kids so that I can repay the favor.
• Whiniest dog in history.
• Most wiener dog trinkets in one house.  I feel I can go toe to toe with any old lady who thinks she has more!
• Most broken glass on front porch.  I wish I had a picture of our Alexander house in Waco, which was littered with dozens of parties worth of glass bottles.  Apparently we thought it was okay to simply throw our empties on the ground with no regard to public safety.
• Longest puke and rally.  This one does not belong to me.  Instead, this record is held by Dugat, who helped a handful of us finish a keg by going in a circle with a beer bong.  Dugat puked practically every turn, including the infamous innertube rain storm puke.  But he always came back for more.  He must have puked and rallied at least 7 times.  It would have been smarter to just pour the beer on the ground, but we all wanted to see Dugat puke again.  
• Hours playing civilization.  This one does not belong to me either.  The winner is L.  who began a game when I went out around 6p and she did not finish until I got home close to 4a.  When I got home I was prepared for serious trouble.  Instead she turned from the computer and said, "Whoa, your back already?"
• Largest sandwich award goes to a kid I knew in Junior High.    

131) Eavesdropping - Fast Food Order Edition

I call my mom over lunch once a week, and was lucky enough to overhear a conversation she had with the employee at a fast food restaurant.  It went like this:

Mom:  Hold on, Hardy, I am at the drive thru.  Yes, can I get a cheeseburger on a regular bun and a...

      -pause-

Mom:  I want a bun with no sesame seeds, please.

      -pause-

Mom:  No.  Can I get it on a bun without those little seeds all over it!  You know, the sesame seeds.

      -pause-

Mom:  A regular bun!

      -pause-

Mom:  Uh huh.  Yes.

      -pause-

Mom:  No, a cheeseburger.  But instead of the bun with all the seeds on it, I want the plain bun.

      -pause-

Mom:  Yeah.  That's right, but I also want to order some fries.  And a coke.

      -pause-

Mom:  No.  I said fries and a coke!

      -pause-

Mom:  No, I want the small cheeseburger, not the meal.  

      -pause-

Mom:  I understand that, but I only want the small cheeseburger.  

      -pause-

Mom:  Yes I still want the fries and the coke!  Good lord!  This order is easy.  I want a cheeseburger, a small fry and a coke.  But on the cheeseburger I want the plain bun, the one with no seeds on it!

      -pause-

Mom:  Yes, that's it!

130) The AristoCats

Watched The Aristocats with L. and Cody this weekend.  I'd not seen it before, which is surprising because it was brought to us by the same people who brought us some of my favorite Disney classics including: The Jungle Book, The Sword and the Stone, Robin Hood, 101 Dalmations.  Many things occurred to me while watching this movie:

• The movie is not as good as the others mentioned above, but still had the charm of an old school Disney movie.  The main characters were nothing special, but there are two hound dogs that are greatness and a drunk goose named Uncle Waldo, who was just weird.
• After the movie was over, Cody mentioned a handful of other old school disney movies that I have not seen, and now I am excited to check those out.  These include: The Rescuers, The Black Cauldron, Oliver and Company, The Great Mouse Detective
• Made me wonder if people are sharing the old school movies with their kids.  I have heard and understand discussions surrounding the Disney Princess ideal and how this is detrimental to young girls.  Part of me understands this, but part of me realizes that most girls I know grew up with Disney movies and they turned out fine.  I feel like the problem is less the movie and more about mothers treating their kids like Disney Princesses to such a degree that the child cannot separate the ideal from reality.  But I could be wrong about that.
• But there are several old school Disney movies that do not have princesses and I feel like fewer children today are watching these.  My sample size consists of all the 22-25 year olds that I have worked with over the last few years who have never heard of the classics mentioned above.  
• My plan is to start my kids off with the older ones, because once they see the computer animation, they will have a hard time going back to the older ones.  My kid MUST be able to sing the songs in Robin Hood with me so that when I am in a good mood I can say, "Oodelahlee Oodelahlee Golly What A Day!"
• When Cody was growing up, he watched Disney movies back to back to back on a continuous loop.  Before he had his own TV (the smaller one with a built in VCR) I was lucky enough to watch The Jungle Book more than 6000 times.  As a result, I have the movie completely memorized and I think the songs in this movie are the best of all the Disney movies.  

129) Written On The Way To Oklahoma

On a road trip to Oklahoma City and Tulsa for work.  We got on the road early this morning, right as the sun peeked above the Eastern horizon.   Listening to Jack FM, which plays a wide range of older music like Journey, Def Leopard, Joe Walsh, with No Doubt sprinkled in there.  The idea of a road trip sounds so Romantic (notice the capital R).  There is music, bad food, horrible jokes and the excitement of going somewhere new and different.

However, sitting in the car right now, it does not feel Romantic.  One guy yawns every 45 seconds.  The other has an earbud in connected to his phone, so that he can participate in an hour long conference call.  I am in the backseat finishing up a report that is due by noon.  And right now Leonard Skynard is on the radio, and I dislike them more than almost any other band.

I’ve not ever been on a proper road trip.  And by proper, I mean a car trip that does not involve the entire family.  The closest was buying a map with Craig in the summer of 1995 before we were to head off to college.  We opened the map on his mother’s dining room table and charted different courses that would take us to various corners of the country.  We discussed the random things we could see, the music we would listen to and the places we would stay.  We figured out motel fees and gas, making sure we would be able to stay on the road for a minimum of two weeks without having to worry about money. 

But for some reason we did not go.  I can’t remember why.  Honestly, I don’t remember much from the summer.  Seems possible we were working, and never asked off.  Or perhaps we simply let the inspiration pass away without properly harnessing it the way we should have. 

However, there are a couple of things I can say about this road trip that hold true today, and I am positive they would have held true in 1995.  The countryside is beautiful.  The music is terrible and awesome.  The donuts, coffee and chips are so bad, yet so good.  And watching the country coast by, I feel one with the world in a way I miss out on working 25 floors up in Downtown Dallas.  

128) Weird Things Vol 2

More weird things:

• I have hundreds of barware glasses for any type of drink you can imagine.  This includes:  wine glasses (6 different kinds including bordeaux and burgundy), whiskey glasses (3-4 different kinds), collins glasses, champagne flutes, tumblers, snifters, beer mugs, pints, pilsners, margarita glasses, martini glasses, highballs, shot glasses, pony glasses (small beer glasses).  I only drink out of 4 of them:  my favorite wine glass, my scotch glass, my crystal whiskey glass for mixed drinks and my beer mug.  
• I also have 8-10 decanters.  Way too many, though most of them are really cool.
• I have moisture absorption issues with my hands.  When I do dishes or take a shower, I get prune hands to such a degree that Simon would roll over in his bathtub...
• I went to Baylor University, and though I had a good experience, I might have issues recommending it to my children.  
• However, if my kid shows interest in A&M I might have to downright refuse to fund his education...those fools be crazy!
• I think I missed out on part of the American adolescent experience because I have never made out with a girl in a movie theater.  The closest I got was kissing a girl in 8th grade while watching Little Man Tate.  We kissed, and then watched the movie.  It was a good movie...
• I have trouble understanding why some people do not like sour cream.  It is so delicious and is necessary for so many meals. 
• Ever since my mom got a phone with texting (a couple of months ago) I receive a text from her 4 mornings each week.  And I actually like receiving them...
• A girl I barely knew in high school referred to me as the "Dude who loves Polos" when our mutual friend brought me up in a conversation recently.  She's right.  I love them!  I guess that's better than "the Dude who loves excess barware?"
• Though I have never made out in a movie theater, I have had sex in the backseat of a car.  That's a piece of the American Experience I DID NOT miss out on...
• When I play golf I start to get cranky by hole 13, usually because I am hungry.  And I really suck at putting.
• My wife spells out words so the dog does not know what we are talking about.  These include: squirrel, hungry, bone, treat.  I usually just say the word and get reprimanded for confusing/upsetting the dog.

127) Weird Things

Some weird things about me that I cannot completely explain:

• I am addicted to dark chocolate.  I think about it randomly and then have to find some.  
• Not sure that I have "a type" when it comes to girls.  I like them all!  I have not dated anyone taller than me, though this is not from a lack of trying.
• I feel the most proud of myself when I do something nice for someone else.  Ironically, I do not go out of my way to do nice things for people all that often.  
• I am at my best when "an urgent fire" needs to be put out at work.  I can oftentimes get mired in the day to day routine of any job I have.  Perhaps I should be a 911 operator, though I am terrible at answering the phone.
• I talked to L. last night about scheduling an entire Saturday night for drinking and cleaning/organizing all the old records I have.  Sounds like a chore and a beating to everyone else, but to me sounds like an awesome Saturday night.
• I buy certain things in bulk (and by bulk I mean crazy bulk) because I cannot risk having 1 instance where I do not have that item. 
• BBQ Sauce (2 large bottles and 5 small bottles currently at the house)
• Toilet Paper (Each bathroom has 12-15 extra rolls with an unopened container of 36 rolls in the garage).  I will NOT run out of toilet paper and scramble through tissues/paper towels to get by.  
• Mrs Renfro's Spicy Habanero Salsa (1 in fridge and 3 in the cupboard)
• Dark Chocoalte (boxes of different flavors and brands)
• Japanese Rice (I do not buy this, but my aunt in Japan sends me 81 single serving Japanese rice packets per month.  I just gave Cody more than 100 packages)
• Contact Solution (6 bottles under my sink right now)
• Body Wash (5-6 bottles in my bathroom cupboard.  I never buy shampoo, just use some that L. no longer likes)
• Razors (we clean out Target every christmas because they are so cheap)
• Liquor (Beverage Depot is considerably cheaper than any other place, so I stop by there 2 times a year and stock up)
• Croutons (have 6 bags at the house right now.  They last for a long time and croutons=salad gold)
• Cat Litter (I hate buying cat litter for some reason, so I buy 10 large containers 2 times a year) 

126) Maintaining Motivation

Working out used to be about looking good to attract bitches, hoes and/or hot dudes.  But as we've gotten older it has become more about being healthy so that we might avoid certain complications that come with age.  I like thinking about people's workouts because I like understanding what motivates others and the things they will try to successfully add exercise to their daily life.  Following are ideas I have heard or tried to keep motivated without having to join cross fit or suffer through the impossible P90X:

• Guiltless Sports Viewing:  I can retire to the back room and get a good 90 minute workout in so that no one else in the house has to watch an entire boring soccer game.  This works well for me and is probably the main reason I can remain consistent.  Sports could also be substituted by one of the million home renovation/home improvement shows.  Watching people make their house cooler can actually be motivating.

• A Dash of Violence: Introduce a punching bag to the workout so that there is an element of all out violence making the workout something a person can look forward to.

• Puppy Wear Out:  Running the dogs so that they get their exercise, and you get yours.  I know someone who does this and he/she runs each dog separately, in order to maximize the amount of time he/she is running.  Plus, running both dogs at the same time doesn't work because they are excitable and crazy.

• Party Exercise: Drinking and/or smoking to make a workout fun.  I do not do this personally, but have seen it plenty of times.  Usually I see it lead to bad form, but I know a lot of people who claim that smoking out before lifting weights helps keep them focused.  Not sure I buy that.

• Partner Up: Working out with significant other.  I think having a partner helps keep motivation high.  Misery loves company and all that.  Sometimes it leads to one person being pushed too hard, or the other having to relax too much, but I feel like a happy medium can be achieved if both are willing to figure out where that line is.  And both parties must minimize criticism.  

• Low Budget Personal Trainer:  I spent a summer writing and recording 30 minute workouts as if they were mix CDs.  I would call out "pushups" followed by 30 seconds of silence...followed by "lunges"... etc.  This allowed me to tune out mentally.  I followed the instructions, executed the task for 30 seconds straight, listened to music and after 30 minutes I was freaking tired and sore.  I intermix these with other workouts because these are tough.

• The Reward System:  If I workout then I can enjoy 2 glasses of wine with dinner instead of just one.  For me the rewards are attached to drinking, but one could easily substitute desserts here.

• Ink Meter:  Get a tattoo in a key spot like your stomach or bicep.  Once you see the tattoo becoming distorted, make sure you head to your gym.  

125) A Problem With Guys - Vol 1

I know guys are annoying and dumb, and that this poses many problems throughout the world.  However, I stumbled upon another problem today I would like to explore.

A problem with guys is:  they don't get excited about much.

Today a vendor we work with had Babe's Chicken Dinner House catered to the office.  The girls in the office went NUTS!  They danced and skipped around.  They woke up early and ran a little extra so they could enjoy more greasy calories.  They counted down the minutes to lunch time starting around 9:15 am.   And when the woman walked in with the food, they cheered.  No kidding.  They CHEERED!  Their reactions made me so curious about the food because seriously, who cheers over fried chicken, corn, mashed potatoes and lettuce.

The women in the office described each entree using the word "crack".  They would say, "don't forget to get your lettuce laced with crack" or "you should get 2 helpings of crack corn".  They all agreed that the biscuits were made with flour, butter and crack, because no matter what you will come back NEEDING more.

I tried everything and must say that the corn was pretty good.  Tasted like corn with a lot of butter in it. The chicken tasted like fried chicken.  The mashed potatoes tasted like mashed potatoes with a lot of butter in them.  The lettuce salad tasted like lettuce with not enough vinegar and oil.  The biscuits tasted like biscuits cooked with a lot of butter in them.  I guess my point is, the food was ok, but it was like eating at pretty much any other fried chicken place.  Nothing to get excited about.

And that is when it hit me.  Maybe it was worth getting excited about.  The other three dudes in the office filled their plates and answered the emphatic cheers much like I did.  They nodded, smiled and answered politely, "This is good chicken and stuff..."  Perhaps we are incapable of getting excited.  Perhaps we're boring.  Perhaps we have not learned the important lesson that life is about enjoying the little things.

I reflected on this while watching all the women in our office have so much fun eating the fried chicken.  I thought about all the things I've seen girls get excited about recently:

• Getting gelato after dinner
• Ke$ha playing in Dallas
• Tiff's Treats
• Something coming in the mail.  She was not even sure what it was, but was excited until she opened it and realized it was an industrial set of toe nail clippers and guitar wall mounts
• Trublood and Dexter Sunday (Sadly, I did get a little excited about this as well)
• When one of our flowers blooms in the garden
• Ordering dessert at a restaurant
• The day office supplies are delivered
• Packages of flavored sunflower seeds
• Getting to hang out with Hadley (This one get's me excited too)
• Ordering a shake from Jack in the Box
• Knowing that she can spend an entire day in pajamas
• Breakfast tacos being brought in to the office, doesn't matter from where
• Stopping at Buc-ees for weird stuff on the way to client meetings in Austin/Waco/Houston/San Antonio
• Buying a 300th pair of shoes
• Receiving another trinket (could be wiener dog shaped, but could also be something else like a rabbit, owl, frog, noah's ark... depends on the specific girl we are talking about.

I notice how simple things, things we could choose to do anytime we want can make the girls I interact with daily so excited.  And I don't feel like I see guys getting excited like this on a daily, weekly, or even a monthly basis.  I think guys are missing something here.  

I'll end with words of wisdom brought to us by Augustus McCrae who said, "The only healthy way to live life is to learn to like all the little everyday things like, a sip of good whiskey in the evening, a soft bed, a glass of buttermilk, or a feisty gentleman like myself."

124) College Memories (Sophomore Year)

My Sophomore year of college was easily the worst year of my life.  Due to extenuating circumstances I moved from Waco to Houston in order to attend the University of Houston and live with my mom in a house in The Heights (not the hip part, but the run down part).  Following is a list of memories I have from that year:

• No Code came out that year and I listened to it everyday through a discman that plugged into my cassette player in my car.
• Growing my hair out.  I did not cut it at all and it eventually grew past my shoulders.  Made me look more Hispanic/Native American.
• I bought my first ever car - a practical, white Nissan Stanza for $5,300.
• Playing basketball in the mud outside in our backyard.  Not sure how or why we had a goal, but I played every evening before dinner.
• For dinner mom and I ate churches chicken at least 3 times a week.  The biscuits rocked.  One night Dugat and I drove to Churches to pick up food when we witnessed a cop chasing a young kid down the street.  As the cop entered our headlight beam, he completely wiped out in the middle of the street.  Dugat and I were not sure if we actually saw this, or if it was some flashback experience from an episode of COPS my mom made us watch.
• Running in Herman Park.  
• For New Years Eve, Shelley drove me and Dugat around town looking for cool bars to visit.  Dugat and I spent a good deal of the evening screaming at cars on the freeway.  When I got home, my mom had to deal with me and I woke up the next morning with my shoes still on and blood all over my clothes from wiping out a couple of times.  Not good!
• Eating lunch on the U of H campus and the squirrels would walk right up to me and wait for food.  I was bad and would make an extra sandwich to share with them.  I usually sat at a picnic table off to the side with 6-7 squirrels standing all around me.  One time there was a fat one sleeping in the middle of the sidewalk and all us students simply stepped over him on our way to class.  
• Drinking Crown Royal every night.  Even today, Crown Royal reminds me of sitting on the Harvard Street Porch with a cigarette and a glass of whiskey.
• Every morning I woke up to freshly brewed coffee.  The coffee maker did not work right and caused a terrible puddle on the kitchen counter.  I drank 2 cups each morning while watching Garfield and Friends before going to school or work...
• I worked for C-Air-s Mechanical.  2nd worst job of my life.  They hated me because I was in college and they did nothing to make me feel welcome there.  
• During the summer I worked for TX-Dot.  You would think this would have been the worst job of my life, but it wasn't.  While the work was utterly terrible, the experience was fun in a weird way.  And I hope to never forget the greatness that is Thomas Moss, Johnson, and Ned's forehead.
• During my first semester at U of H I got the courage up to ask a girl out and was happy when she said yes.  I picked her up at her house to discover that she had cut all of her hair off.  The pixie-style cut looked more like a dude haircut than a cute girl haircut.  The date was going fine until she wanted to meet a group of her "older" friends at a club that would not let in a 19 year old.  
• Taking Reverend Bob's writing class with Dylan.  Reverend Bob liked my writing and that was the only A I got the entire year.
• Dugat coming over to watch Talk Radio, Caroline in the City, Friends and Seinfeld.
• Possum living in the attic.  You could hear it scurrying around.  I hated it, but my mom thought it was funny.  
• Chris visited one weekend and brought with him from Waco a bottle of rum.  He, Tarik and Shuard (sp?) went to a frat party in Austin where they stumbled upon boxes of liquor.  They stole as much as they could carry, getting away with a couple of cases of rum and 1 case of melon liquor.  It was this weekend that I decided I was going back to Baylor no matter what the cost.  One of the best decisions of my life!
• Getting two flat tires on one drive home.  The girl I was visiting lived in Pasadena, which was a long drive.  I was stranded at 2a on the side of an unfamiliar road and was too intoxicated (as evidenced by the two flat tires) to do anything about it.  I sat on the curb wondering how angry mom was going to be for receiving a phone call to pick me up in Pasadena.  Instead, a Mexican dude in an El Camino stopped and asked me if I needed a ride.  I told him I lived 45 minutes away.  He was fine with it.  He took me home and I gave him all the money I had for gas.  Moments like that give me hope for humanity...

123) Weird Mood Thursday

In a strange mood today, and I think I can pinpoint the reason...but instead of doing that, I am going to throw out some tidbits that don't really pertain to anything.

• I don't think I give a shit about the upcoming football season.  My slowly declining interest in football could be attributed to a couple of things:  the cows sucking, the increasing danger of the sport to its players, the research required to be any good in fantasy football, and the fact that I have limited time to watch TV in my life, and I don't want to waste it.  I guess I will start the season off watching the cows, if only to give me something to watch while I am working out.
• I started my current job in Feb, and there was 1 employee here that I was not sure about.  I worried that he/she would have the ability to get under my skin in ways I was trying to escape in my previous job.  Turns out that he/she is one of my favorite people I have ever worked with, and I legitimately look forward to arriving each morning because I know he/she will be here.   Just goes to show how little first and second impressions should actually mean.
• I always have a mildly swollen, somewhat scratchy throat.  I have lozenges all around the house and in my desk and every day I must monitor if it is getting worse, or staying the same.  
• A couple of years ago I was at a work function/party where several clients (all women) asked that I take their picture with their phone.  While I was framing it one of them accused me of focusing on all the women's boobs.  She yelled at me.  I laughed and told her I was not focusing on their boobs.  She did not believe me.  After I took the photo, she jumped up and took the phone from me, so that I would not have a chance to delete the incriminating evidence.  Her friend looked over her shoulder and said, "Wow, that is a really good photo!"  The other woman thumbed through her pics to make sure I did not take more than one, and was surprised when she did not find anything.
• There is a really long hallway between our office and the bathroom, and every day I run into a coworker either going to or returning from the bathroom.  No matter who the employee is, each time we struggle for something to say until our paths eventually cross.  Most of the time I say, "The Long Walk..."
• I now buy most of my clothes off the clearance rack from Banana Republic or off one of the many clearance racks in Dilliards.  Saying it out loud makes me feel like a poser douche, but I like the way Banana Republic fits me.  Most clothes are too big on my torso (width as well as length), making me look like I am wearing one of my dad's shirts.  This is ironic because I am 4-5 inches taller than my dad.  
• It makes me sad when I see a rockstar destroy a guitar on stage.  That beautiful guitar does NOT deserve that!
• I REALLY like using bullet points.  

122) Prankster Chair

My office chair has two pranks it cannot get enough of.  The first is the Surprise Sinkhole.  I sit down only to have the bottom of my world pulled out from under me, causing me to gasp and hit my elbow or arm on my desktop.  The chair hisses in laughter while I commend it on a well played joke and readjust it to a normal height.  The second is Grandma's Crazy Rocking Chair.  I sit down in what I think is a normal chair, only to discover that it temporarily becomes a disjointed rocking chair that almost causes me to fall all the way backward.  This one is not as funny, because oftentimes during my course correction, I pull a muscle in my back.

I have tried a couple of times to pull the ole switcharoo with someone else in the office.  However, the people here know about the Prankster Chair.  They've enjoyed its antics.  And more importantly, they would certainly know the culprit if they one day arrived at work only to have a well timed Surprise Sinkhole take their breath away and cause them to hurt their elbow.

So, Prankster Chair, it's you and me...until I win the lottery and I buy the sweetest office chair ever!

121) Mistaken Identity - Or Just Mistaken?

ID 10 Tiera!  My name's Hardy and I'm a MORAN!

Today 2 of our most important clients are in the office for a 4 hour budget meeting.  The office has been in a tizzy preparing and cleaning, and making sure everyone's stations look nice and everyone is dressed appropriately.  An email went out yesterday demanding that everyone arrive 30 minutes early so that we make sure to be here when the clients show up at 9a.

I do not get frazzled when the client comes into the office.  I have worked with one of the men on several occasions and we have a great relationship.  Plus, he is extremely cool and easy going.  I get to work by 8:30a each morning and so had no issues getting here on time.  My work station is not all that clean, but I spent some time straightening things up so as to look serviceable.  I avoided jeans today, to comply with the dictate "dress appropriately".  So when the clients showed up this morning, I felt pretty relaxed and ready for the day.

I confidently approached our first client (who I work with frequently), let him know how great it is to see him, and I made sure he was aware of the breakfast tacos we brought in for their visit.  And then I see the man he was with and I extended my hand graciously.  I said, "Hello!  I'm Hardy.  Nice to meet you!"  He replied in a dry tone, "Yes I know.  We've met."  The room stopped.  People looked at me quizzically.  I shook his hand and tried to think of the right thing to say.

ID 10 Tiera!

I looked at him closely and realized we had, in fact, met.  We met my first week on the job back in February where I was taken to a regional meeting of 20 something people sitting around a large conference room table at our client's headquarters.  At the time he wore a suit, had glasses and no facial hair to speak of.  Today he wore jeans and a short sleeve, black button up untucked.  His hair was completely slicked back and he has a fully grown beard and mustache combo.  And he was not wearing glasses!

So here's the thing: I definitely messed up.  The entire office witnessed it, and on the surface it looks like I don't even know who I work for.  However, when you look at this thing realistically, this situation is completely understandable and should not look unfavorably upon me.  I mean, I met him on my first week with 20 other people that I have not seen again since that day.  And on that day I had zero interaction with these people.  I sat in the back of the room, watched an hour long meeting, and then left.  And then this guy goes completely undercover, complete with beard and rock star shirt for his visit to our office!

It isn't that big of a deal, really...I just hate that in front of my boss and several other high ups at the agency I look like a complete ID 10 Tiera, like I don't know who pays our bills.

Unfortunately, the world we live in is not based much on reality.  Instead, perception seems to hold more importance.  And my "perception" took a sizable hit this morning.

Oh well.  Really the worst thing that can happen is the two clients can leave our office today and accurately claim, "His name's Hardy and he's a MORAN!"

120) Steamboat Springs - Challenge Edition

My junior year of high school our club team (soccer) got invited back to Steamboat Springs to play in the Triple Crown National Finals.  The year before our team made it to the semi-finals before getting beat in a close 2-1 game against the team that eventually won the entire tournament.  Our coach, learning his lesson from the previous year, decided that each player would be responsible for getting themselves to Steamboat Springs instead of renting a team bus.  So everyone flew.

Because of our overall tournament record, and due to the fact that we did well in the tournament the previous year, Triple Crown gave our coach the option to register our team as 17 and under or 19 and under.  Our coach liked challenges, so he registered us for 19 and under.  This meant we were playing college level guys.

We had players on our team who could compete at that level.  And then we had players like me, who were in the 5'6" - 115 lb range trying to play against college-aged athletes that were 6'+ - 185 lb range.  We simply could not compete.  We lost all our games by 4 goals or more.  We were completely outmatched.

Since we had 2 extra nights in Steamboat Springs, we spent our evenings drinking in the hotel instead of practicing and game planning.

The last night, several of us decided that we would stay up all night because our flight left at 9a and the team was waking up and checking out before 7a.  We bought 2 bottles of whiskey and several 12 packs.  Actually, my mom bought the liquor (she was good like that).

We began the night playing various drinking games.  I don't remember much of this part of the evening except the part where M. Bart got so drunk so early that we found him sleeping in the shower with the water running, wearing only his soccer shorts and a ski cap that he brought with him.  We worried about him drowning, so a couple of us wrestled with him until we were forced to walk him outside where he threw up for an hour straight.

Later that night I taught the team how to play a card game called Challenge.  It is a gambling game that can get expensive, but is fun if you know how to play it.  Since I taught everyone there how to play I ended up making close to $30, which was a lot considering that we played with dimes and the highest bet you could make was $3.  More importantly, I was one of 3 people to stay up all night, which meant I did not have a hard time getting ready for our flight.

Hm.  Story not as interesting as I remember it.

119) Jay Roth - In Memorium

Jay Roth (brother to Joe and Johnny, and Uncle to Stephen and I),  passed away last night due to complications brought on by liver failure.  I knew Jay less than most within the family, but I would like to share the memories I have of him and his family:

• Playing football in the icy front yard in Pampa, TX.  Jay played all time QB, and I am pretty sure he had more fun than any of us kids.
• Eating quail that he and Kris shot.  They put my portion on the plate and when I lifted it up several tiny beads started rolling out of the meat.  I was very confused.  I asked why there were metal pebbles in my food and he said that was what they shot the bird with. 
• Looking through boxes of old baseball cards ranging from late 50's through the 60's.  The baseball card collection was a source of several arguments between all the sons and grandsons.  Strange to think how important those cards were at one point in time.
• Three-wheeling at the lakehouse in Pampa.  They had 2 large three-wheelers (250's) and they could go as fast as 20-25 MPH, which is insanely fast when you are a 10-year old. 
• Setting off fireworks during the fourth of July.  Jay always bought the best fireworks because he wanted to make sure each experience was memorable.  
• Talking about Fred McGriff with Jay and Johnny.  Stephen and I got so tickled by Fred McGriff's name that it became our summer battle cry.  
• Skiing with Jay and his family in Colorado and New Mexico.  On my first trip, the chair lift hit me in the back of the head at the top of the mountain.  I had to ride a sled all they way down.  The doctor at the resort told the family not to let me fall asleep for the next couple of hours.  I remember laying in the back of Jay's suburban with him talking to me in order to keep me up.  
• Working at the Batter Up for a couple of weeks during the summer.  I visited Farmington, NM where we worked the cashier of the family owned batting cages.  When times were slow we would try to hit balls thrown at us at 60mph.  The first time I made a connection, the ball knocked the bat out of my hand.  Afterward, I stuck with 50 mph and below.  
• Going to the Texans game during their inaugural season in 2002.  We talked about their number 1 pick of the supplemental draft, Tony Boselli.  We had high hopes for the Texans, that are just now being realized.

Jay lived life to the fullest, which is not always easy to do.  He had strong opinions and a loud voice, but most of all he looked to have fun.  He will be missed!

118) Steamboat Springs - Princess Edition

In high school I played soccer year around.  My club team dedicated the spring to tournaments, where we traveled to Austin, Dallas and even Colorado to play teams from across the country.  Side note: I was one of the stronger players on my high school team and we lost pretty much every game every season.  On my club team I was one of the weaker players and we won several tournaments and played consistently well no matter where we were.  Hm.

Our team qualified for the opportunity to play in a national tournament in Colorado one year, and our coach thought it best to take a bus out there as a team and spend a week in Steamboat Springs so that we could acclimate to the thin air.  The bus ride was more than 40 hours long and this was before DVD and VCRs on buses, so we were forced to entertain ourselves the old fashioned way, lots of hangman and spades.  And once it got dark, we were forced to sleep beneath the seats on the ground while the driver pumped hours of Kenny G through the bus speakers.  But it was great, because we were on our way to play in a national tournament and we got new uniforms, plus the entire team had matching bags and everything.

Steamboat Springs is beautiful in the summer.  The first couple of days we practiced and ran a bunch.  One afternoon a group of us ate lunch together at a local restaurant.  The soccer tournament brought people from around the country, and it was at this restaurant we met a family from Arizona.  Here is how the discussion played out:

Man:  Hey there!  Where are you guys from?

My Mom:  We're from Houston, Texas.

Man:  Houston?  That's funny, we were just in Houston.  What part of town do you live in?

My Mom:  We live in Spring Branch, which is just west of the city.

Man:  Whoa!  Spring Branch?  That's I-10 near Voss, right?  That's where we just were visiting some friends.

My Mom:  What a small world!  Yup, we live in a neighborhood right off of Voss and I-10.  I wouldn't be surprised if you were within a couple of blocks of our house.  How funny!

Man:  Let me tell you, I saw the funniest thing in a neighborhood over there.  We took a walk one evening and we saw this house with a dog on the roof.  I'm not kidding!  This little grey dog was running all over the roof of this house barking at us as we walked by.

Hardy:  PRINCESS!!!

Man: What?!

Hardy:  That's my friend's house!  His dog's named Princess and she is always on the roof barking at people!

This is one of my favorite stories.  Princess was somewhat scraggly, but she will always hold a special place in my heart as the little grey dog on the roof.

Side Story: One night in high school Chris and I got drunk on beer and NHL 93 and when we snuck out later that night to smoke a cigarette it started to rain.  We huddled up against the house on his second story balcony, where we saw Princess wet and shivering.  Like caring, drunk teenagers we spent the next hour in the rain telling the dog how much we loved her.

117) Not So Particular

I want to follow up my previous post with things one might think I am particular about, but in fact I am not particular about.  I spent some time thinking about it, hoping to come up with a worthy list I could share.  For some reason, not much is coming to mind, which makes me think I am more particular than I originally thought.  Oh well.  Here is what I came up with:

• Soccer cleats.  Played soccer for awhile now and one might think I would have figured out what boots I like and would be loyal to a brand and/or a particular shoe.  I used to be.  I used to only buy Copa Mundials.  Not anymore.  Now I buy whatever looks cool.  And by looks cool I mean whatever I see on my favorite players.  Right now I have light blue Addidas I saw on Cazorla, who is a midfielder on Arsenal.  The little boy inside my heart dreams on!

• Recording music.  Music is important to me and I spend a considerable amount of my free time playing and/or recording music.  I have the tools, and at various points in my life I have the time, to make sure my recordings are top quality and without mistakes.  But it does not work out that way.  For some reason I only get the song recorded well enough so that I can teach someone to play it...with the hope of one day playing with musicians who are better than me and who can really bring skill and quality to the music I wrote.  I should care more, but I don't.  And oftentimes my recordings suffer as a result.  Maybe this is why I am not a professional musician.

• Car I drive. I drive a Scion TC.  It is your basic 2-door car.  I have had it since 2007 and would happily drive it until it becomes more expensive to repair than the vehicle is worth.  I have never been too particular about the car I drove.  Of course, I've not really had to experience a true POS before either.  I drove a car without a working air conditioner, the passenger window would not roll down and I had to replace oil in the engine every week or so.  I did not replace it until I was forced to.  I also drove a large truck that had a bad air conditioner and was too large for any Dallas parking garage, but did not replace it until I was forced to.  I think there are a lot of people like me in this area of life, though I know plenty of people who prefer leases because they guarantee (at the cost of a never-ending monthly payment) that they will never drive a car more than 3 years old.  

• Vacation destinations.  I like traveling, and it is something that L. and I devote serious time planning and executing.  We have been to several amazing places, and I know that we have more vacation destinations planned for the next couple of years.  Vacations are few and far between, so one might think that these destinations are of the utmost importance.  For me, they are not.  I look forward to all of them and am excited to visit anywhere.  This year we will visit vineyards in Oregon as well as Thailand and Cambodia.  Next year we are considering Germany, Vietnam and Africa.  It doesn't matter to me which place we choose.  I do not need to make a pros/cons list to figure out what destination ranks higher.  And if we decided next year to visit South Carolina instead, I would be completely fine with that and would look forward to the following year when we might visit Germany, Vietnam or Africa.  Maybe this is because to me the people I travel with are more important than the destination.  Or maybe this is because I know we will not choose South Carolina over Germany, Vietnam or Africa.  Either way, I am good with what happens because I know it will be worth my time.  

• Vinyls.  I have vigorously entered the world of the audiophile, now preferring vinyl records to CDs or MP3s.  I buy old records from a garage sale guy I know, and unlike most audiophiles, don't really care if it is in poor condition or if it is scratched.  The last time I visited the garage sale guy, he marveled at a mint condition Led Zeppelin IV he stumbled upon and wanted to sell it to me for $20.  I declined.  Instead, I took the much older, scratched version for $3.  If the vinyl is so scratched that it cannot be listened to, then I don't really like that.  But if it is one or two scratches throughout each side of the record, then that is totally fine.  Actually gives the record a little character. 

116) Not So Laidback

In general I am a laid back person who is more about the big picture than the details.  And for me the big picture eventually traces back to balance and happiness, as opposed to wealth and accomplishment. However, there are things in this world that I am quite particular over.  Almost to an irrational degree. Following is a small list of things I am painstakingly particular about:

• Dirty Dishes. I cannot handle dirty dishes in the sink.  I think this one makes me a great catch, as I have not met one girl who has this same issue.  Quite the opposite, actually.  Most girls I have met do not mind filling a dish with a little water and letting it sit in the sink for as long as a week or more, as if the little bit of water and drop of soap will magically make that dish clean itself.  For me, I do not get upset about it.  I understand that dishes are not fun to clean (even though I think it is fairly harmless to give a dish one solid wipe and place in the dishwasher instead of stacking them into a messy pile, but whatever).  The bottom line is I cannot handle it, so anytime there is a dish in the sink I stop what I am doing and I clean it.  Almost like the Leprechaun and his need to shine shoes.

• Macintosh.  I do not like spending more money than is necessary.  I consider myself to be money conscientious as it pertains to most things.  But not computers.  When we buy a computer for the house, we buy the expensive Mac.  We usually get the one with the bigger screen and the larger processor, too.  I have had a Mac since 2002 and will not go back.  In fact, the one I have from 2002 still works.  We had to upgrade because we wanted software that was no longer available for it.  

• Not feeding the dog from the table.  There are two reasons I am completely against feeding the dog from the table.  The first reason, but not necessarily the strongest reason, is for the dog's health.  Eating human food is not good for dogs, especially if they are smaller breeds and they eat too much on a consistent basis.  I am not appalled when she gets food that falls to the ground, but I try to keep her as healthy as I can.  Now the main reason I am against this is because I cannot handle begging/rooting around my feet like a psycho-rat.  It bothers me to such a degree that when she starts doing it I have to insist that she leave the room.  L. calls me mean, and she will sometimes eat with the dog in her lap, which I do not understand. 

• Drying laundry. I do not dry my shirts (including T-shirts) for longer than 6-7 minutes.  I dry them on low heat for a short period of time and then take them out of the dryer to hang over chairs and doors until they are completely dry.  I have not always done this.  When L. and I struggled to live month to month (which we did for several years just after college) I recognized my clothes shrinking, developing holes and/or fading much more quickly than I thought they should.  L. explained to me that using the dryer was tough on clothes (something most guys do not inherently know). It was at that time I started the process of figuring out how long to dry clothes so that they did not need to hang up longer than a day, but would help maximize their life expectancy.  Incidentally, I still have clothes I wear from early to mid 2000's because they are still in great condition.  

• Open windows or open front/back door.  There is something unsettling to me about an open window or an open front/back door.  I have a difficult time relaxing if there is fresh air blowing through the house.  I don't know if this is a practical thing (like worried about a cat getting out or bugs getting in) or if there is something else happening.  Either way, I do not care for it and will have to fight the urge to close the windows the 2 days a year it is nice enough to turn off the air conditioner and let the fresh air course through the house.  

• Showering before bed.  I have to shower before I can go to sleep.  I am not sure if this is something everyone does, but for some reason I feel like most people shower in the mornings.  I do not.  I MUST shower before bed, otherwise I cannot go to sleep because I do not feel right.  This is not bad to be particular about, but it does sometimes lead to multiple showers in a day.  For instance, a Saturday almost 2 months ago I got a hair cut after lunch and took a shower.  Then I played soccer in the evening and took a shower.  And then I drank lots of wine, stayed up late and then took a third shower before bed.  

• Pens.  I am particular about what pens I write with.  My favorite is the light blue Pilot Precise V5 with the Rolling Ball.  Strangely, I remember when I first bought this pen.  I purchased it from the Baylor Bookstore in 1998 and accidentally threw it away in a garbage can on my walk back to my apartment.  When I got home and realized it was gone, I was upset and bought it again.  Now I have a box of them handy at my house so that I never have to be upset about throwing my pen away again.

• Coasters.  Similar to dirty dishes, I do not like when a cup sits unbuffered upon our tables, nightstands or even our TV trays.  I am like a ruthless grandmother following people around the house with coasters hidden in every nook, just waiting for someone to put their drink down.  I don't know why I am like this.  We have some nice furniture, allowing for this behavior to be warranted.  But our nightstands, TV trays and other random pieces are very old and most likely purchased at Ikea or Target.  Still, they've lasted so long because grandma is watching.

• The Airport.  I'm not usually stressed, but going to the airport puts me on edge all the way up until I am sitting comfortably at the gate waiting to board the plane.  This means I like to leave for the airport early, making sure I am there in plenty of time.  However, L. (and my mother when I was growing up) prefers to arrive at the airport as the plane is preparing to shut its doors so that we have to run to our terminal and hope they are nice enough to let us on.  And I simply do not get this.  I hate the feeling that we are going to possibly miss our flight, especially when there are many factors that are completely unpredictable (checking luggage including the weight distribution game, the frisk center, our carry ons too big to fit under the seat in front).  Without fail, leaving for the airport ends in an argument.  I argue, "what is so wrong with giving us a 30 minute buffer so I don't have to be stressed?"  She argues, "We have plenty of time, why can't you just relax?"  

• Waiting for a haircut.  I won't wait for a haircut.  I am a patient person, but when it comes to the barbershop I will NOT wait.  This most recent haircut was three weeks overdue because the 2 times I drove by I saw people waiting.  I finally got in on Friday because I got off work early.  I stopped in and the woman pulled me up in their system.  She said, "It's been 7 weeks since you got a haircut?"  I nodded.  She said, "That's too long!  You should have been here at least 3 weeks ago."  If there had been one person sitting in the waiting area I would have left and it could have been 3 more weeks...

115) License Color

Georgeo on Ticket RANTED this morning about lake safety.  Unfortunately, over the weekend North Texas experienced a handful of deaths due to drowning, the saddest being a 3 year-old who drowned at a crowded beach.  George listed off several ideas to address the issue, including mandatory driver's test for boat drivers, no alcohol on the lake and lake officials (people who police lakes) policing hot spots where young people hang out and/or connect boats together for purposes of fun instead of spending time checking for illegal fishing or life jacket inspection.

I am not always good at arguing policy, so this may be little more than a ramble about a ramble.  I feel like forcing people to not bring alcohol on the lake for their own good is too similar to making people wearing helmets on their motorcycle.  If someone is irresponsible enough to refuse a helmet on their motorcycle, then they made the decision and must live with the consequences.  If someone wants to drink beer on the lake and they fall in and drown, they made their decision and must also live with the consequences.  Our society has too much need right now for protecting people from their own actions and I think it is more detrimental to our people than it is beneficial.

To me, the real issues has to do with intelligence.  Here is my solution.  Every person should be required to take an IQ test that officially places them within an intelligence range that is communicated clearly on their license by the color of the background.  If you have an IQ over 150, you get a gold license.  120-150 you get green.  90-120 you get orange.  Below 90 you get red.  The color of your license determines what you can and can't do.

Following is a sample of what these guidelines would look like:

Red:  With a red license your actions be limited to watching nascar, purchasing tools as long as they do not have blades, ride in cars, purchase lawn care equipment and work in retail

Orange:  With a yellow license you can enjoy all actions included with the red, as well as drive a car, work blue collar industry, purchase tools with blades, write your own blog, ride on boats, purchase only beer and malt beverages, and have 1-2 kids

Green: With a green license you can enjoy all actions of yellow as well as work within the white collar industry, adopt children, drive boats, purchase spirits, have 3+ children

Gold: With a gold license you can enjoy all actions of green as well as donate sperm, work as politician of Mayor and higher

This may not solve all our world's problems, but perhaps it is a step in the right direction...

114) Restaurant Edition

I am the type of person who prefers finding a recipe, going to the grocery store and attempting to cook something new instead of going to a restaurant.  I am not sure why this is the case (perhaps because of my genetic cheapness I inherited from Kunio), but most of the time I will choose the work and preparation over the ease of going to a restaurant.  I am certainly not rigid in this, and go out to eat often enough.  One of the problems I face when going out to eat is choosing the restaurant.  While driving around or thumbing through local magazines I see tons of restaurants I would like to try.  However, when it comes time to actually choosing a restaurant, my mind goes blank except for the three restaurants within a block from my house.  Those restaurants include: Jakes, Freebirds and Royal Thai. I am sure others have this same problem, which is why I am going to start paying more attention to where I eat and occasionally including notes on my experiences so that I can share what I learn.  Welcome to my first Restaurant Edition.  Hopefully it will not be the last. 

Royal Thai (5500 Greenville):  I know I mentioned this in my prologue as one of three restaurants I mention when asked about dining out.  Proximity is NOT the reason!  Royal Thai is one of my favorite all time restaurants.  The quality of the food has caused me to consider Thai as one of my favorite genres of food just behind Sushi and Pizza, and is responsible for our upcoming trip to Thailand in the fall.  The decor is formal, with cheesy statues and pictures decorating the dining room.  The servers are all cute, petite Asian girls dressed in red silk blouses and long black skirts.  The restaurant is located in the shopping center with World Market and PetsMart, unfortunately it is in the back and somewhat hard to locate.  When we first discovered it a few years ago I worried it would go out of business because it is in a poor location.  However, ordering curry (Massamon, spicy level 3)and vegetable fried rice (with extra Bok Choy) several times per month has helped keep them in business.  Though it is in a strange location, you MUST try this place.  And then try it again!

Canne Rosso (2612 Commerce):  This pizza and pasta place located in Deep Ellum has risen the ranks of Hardy's favorite restaurant list and is now among the top 3.  Not sure if they are proud of this honor or not, but regardless, they have it.  There are only 2 hassles with this place.  Parking and getting in.  Since it is located in Deep Ellum, the parking costs $5 and this is not valet.  Instead, you park yourself and swipe your credit card at a kiosk.  Once you park and get past the wait (or eat lunch at 11:20p) you will be happy with the rest of the experience.  I start off with the Mista (or Mistas?) which is a balsamic vinegar salad that is large enough to feed the table.  Plus, they give free refills (I think) so only order 1.  But order it, because it is delicious and it goes great spooned out on top of your pizza when it arrives.  Speaking of pizza, they do not have typical pizzas.  That is to say, they do not have pepperoni, hamburger and canadian bacon.  Instead they have several different pizzas that you must try and figure out which is the one you like best.  My first time couple of times I tried different pizzas, but the restaurant remained in my mind jumbled with all the other brick oven pizza places (fireside pies, grimmaldi's etc).  It was good, but nothing to write about on your blog.  Recently I discovered (Thanks Dez!) an off the menu pizza called the Honey Badger.  It is a strange pepperoni that is soaked in jalapeno infused honey.  And instead of red sauce, the honey is drizzled over the pizza.  Sound weird?  It is!  But it is freakin' delicious.  A great mix of sweet and spicy.  I love this pizza and will be eating it again tonight!  

The Grape (2808 Greenville):  When thinking about restaurants, the most stressful thing for me is deciding a place to take someone for a special occasion.  A nice, formal, fine dining restaurant.  The decision is always based on what someone told you or something you read.  The decision will always cost you in the $100-$150 range (which is just not cost-efficient when you could get a spicy ck sandwich from Wendy's for $4 and be just as happy).  I have been to 4-5 NICE restaurants in the past 6 months and by far the one I remember is The Grape.  It is a small place on Greenville with a classic bistro decor.  The menu changes so you cannot go there expecting to get the same options available to you every time.  Meals include: steak, duck, lamb, tuna, swordfish, halibut, scallops pork chops...all of which look delicious.  The two things I have had (a steak and a fish) were AMAZING.  The server helped pair wine for each occasion and the wine was delicious.  I am not big on frequenting fine dining establishments, but they certainly have their time and place.  If you find yourself needing to find one and are stressed out about it...consider The Grape.