55) Thrown Under The Wuss

I recently joined a coed soccer league and play games on Monday nights. Last Monday one of my female teammates, who I do not know, watched as I prepared myself to defend our opponent who dribbled the ball in my general direction. She said, "Don't be a pussy and go get him." Her words struck an awkward chord with me. Firstly, you do not hear girls say that word often. Secondly, she does not know me. Thirdly, I feel I am not a pussy, especially as it relates to athletics where I do not back down from much.

However, a couple of days have passed and I thought about the possibility of her having a special sense for these kinds of things. I cannot think of any guys who would consider themselves to be a wuss, but there are plenty of wusses out there. Perhaps she sees something in me that I subconsciously block from myself. I have thought about it and have produced the following: A list of how I am a giant wuss.

* I cannot open a jar of pickles to save my life
* I shriek and run away when I see a spider. Especially a big one.
* Could not stand the pain the few times I had any back hairs pulled out.
* When I walk around the attic I am creeped out and overly cautious with every step I take. Part of this is because I am afraid of stepping through the ceiling. Part of this is I am afraid of accidentally waking up a nest of sleeping possums.
* I shriek and run away when I see a snake. Especially a big one.
* I cannot stand for anyone to mess with my cuticles. Just the thought makes me cringe and extremely uncomfortable.
* Seeing a movie with an animal dying makes me cry: Artex, Marley, Hooch, Old Yeller
* Our conference rooms here at the office are so cold that I literally shiver during many of our meetings. I have not resorted to bringing in a special conference room sweater, which should allow me to retain my manhood. However, when I am shivering in there and everyone else is comfortable, I feel like a wuss.
* I shriek and run away when I see a wasp or hornet. Especially a big one.
* I kick and squirm when people touch my feet.
* I cannot handle having my fingers pulled back more than 15 degrees from my palm.
* Messing with a car battery makes me very nervous, as I think no matter how I touch it I will receive an electrical shock.
* My shoulder hurts to an almost unbearable extent 5 minutes after I begin using the weed-eater or blower.
* I cannot walk outside without shoes, and I cannot wear non-flipflops without socks.
* I have to mutilate a package of batteries using multiple sharp tools to get a freaking battery out. I just cannot seem to get the package open using my hands.
* Cannot drink coffee without almost equal proportions of cream and sugar.
* I must avert my eyes during certain types of gory scenes. Specifically when appendages are being slowly cut off, the worst being in the indy horror film Splinter. Also, I must avert my eyes during slow motion replays within NFL games that show gruesome knee injuries.
* I cannot "just deal with it" when my food has been handled by someone I know did not wash his/her hands.

54) College Memories (Freshman Year)

* Arriving at Penland and immediately seeing Bobby who helped me unload my car to my dorm room.

* Living for a year in my dorm room with the boxes I moved in the same spot where Bobby and I unloaded them.

* A guy on our hall asking Chris for a cigarette while he was in the shower. The guy shamelessly watched Chris shower, and then followed him to our room afterward.

* Playing chess at Common Grounds every night. I drank water, because I could not afford coffee.

* Playing the crap out of Andre's play station in Tarek and Greg's room.

* 2 guys approaching me and Chris at the fountain and asking us if we were The Leapers.

* Listening to Morning Glory, Downward Spiral and Ten ad nausem.

* Boris The Cat

* The lunchroom guy repeating, "We got hammered!"

* Living on pizza and hamburgers.

* A cop knocking on our door while we drank Jim Beam asking if he could jam with us. He was in Chris's face while Chris awkardly avoided breathing, while playing Led Zeppelin.

* Going to Wal-Mart with Nancy and Brandi, and then at the end of the night unsure of whether or not Brandi had a kid.

* Drinking at a stranger's house who lit candles and then threw up while trying not to set his house on fire.

* Drinking Malt Liquor at a stranger's apartment when a giant snake was brought out to play with.

* Greg singing the "Ellen" song.

* The superwoman dive at SMU. She was running because we were in danger of missing the bus after she waited for me to pee on the side of the road.

* Chris and the pot of gold.

* Lance carrying around a book titled, "Awareness."

* Fred leaving our room because The Shining was just too scary.

* Me and Chris growing our hair out. Looked completely horrible.

* Getting pulled over on Valley Mills. I would have gotten away scott-free, but I did not. The cop let me go, and then called me back when he discovered that I had lied to him.

* Going home for Christmas, a month long break, and forgetting to bring home any underwear, socks, or undershirts.

* Going to the first ever dance held on Baylor's campus (First in 150 years) and leaving after 15 minutes.

* Spending countless hours at the Fountain, which is no longer there.

* Being amazed at the number of birds and crickets in Waco.

* Missing the 1995 Pearl Jam concert in Austin. Still have not gotten over this, by the way.

* Tarek using a Loufa in the public shower.

* Medhi calling me and Chris: Beamer and Butthead.

* Staying up all night before my Calculus final in order to avoid failing the class.

* Going to one football game as a member of the Baylor Line. We ran the field, a Baylor tradition that was cancelled because that day saw a member of the band fall off of a ladder due to the Baylor Line running the field. My jersey said "Jefe". Chris's said, "Monkey".

* My spanish teacher approaching me on the first class after the football game exclaiming, "I saw you in your Baylor Line jersey. It says "Jefe". How great!" She had no idea the reference came from The Three Amigos, not my love for Spanish.

* My second semester Spanish teacher calling me "Harby".

* Spending much of my down time on the smoke deck.

* Coming home at 7 am after a Saturday night out. We decided to get breakfast because we knew there was no chance we would wake up by 1p for lunch. We entered the cafeteria completely tired, beat down and sweaty/dirty to discover the cafeteria full of people dressed in their Sunday best before church.

* Dugat and I sending song lyrics we wrote to each other via snail mail. I think I still have many of these letters in my box of writing materials.

* Playing Twisted Metal at Craig's house in Houston over Christmas break. Mark figured out that he needed to put the disc in and turn his Play Station upside down to get his machine to work. Still amazes me that he troubleshooted and figured this out about his Play Station.

* Mark getting really pissed when I used the motorcycle dude to kill him when he was the front end loader.

* Craig and I watching Toy Story in the theater. One of the best movie experiences of my life.

* Opening Christmas presents at my dad's house shortly after watching Toy Story.

* A carton of cigarettes costing only $16

* Seeing Braveheart for the 5th time in the theater with Chris's parents.

* Watching the Academy Awards alone in the common room. I cheered when Braveheart won best picture. I know that is lame, but I truly love this movie.

* Reading several Stephen King novels, including: The Stand, Insomnia, The first three Dark Tower books, and The Shining

* Eating a steak at Mickey's apartment. She cooked it in a broiler and it did not taste very good. But because she was kinda hot and one of the few girls we associated with, I pretended it was one of the best steaks I had ever eaten.

* Switching my major from Math to English simply because I wanted to take a creative writing course.

53) December 18, 1987

Another excerpt from the flower journal. I must admit, so far this is not as rivetting as I thought it would be when I found it. I am sure it gets better as we get into Junior High years...


I've played 2 basketball games and scored 6 points. I also lost my bike. Well, it was stolen. I have been doing terrible in school, but I will improve. Right now I am suprisingly watching Its a Mad Mad Mad Mad World. I'm watching it on cable. I am having trouble sleeping but I'll go to sleep soon. I can play a lot of songs on my Casio Keyboard. Memaw got me that. We opened presents early. Awhile ago I wrote a poem for my dad and Jeanne. This year I decorated our tree. This is our tree, not someone elses. Today was good.

52) Is Mopering A Word?

While waiting for the elevator this morning I noticed the security guard eyeing two girls as they entered the building. His eyes drifted from their faces to their bodies. His head turned with them as they passed and his eyes drifted low as he watched them walk toward the elevators. Now, I like to check out hot chicks as much as the next dude, but this entire ordeal was shameless and awesome.

I can't help but wonder how come this sort of behavior is so heavily one-sided. How come girls do not stand around in public environments shaking their heads at the mere thought of what they could do to the guys who walked by? Think of how different the world would be. And each time I caught a girl staring at me and thinking dirty thoughts (which would happen frequently) I would stop and say, "Damn right!"

Oh wait. I think I just answered my own question. Girls shamelessly checking out guys only encourages guys, and this is something most girls do not need more of in their lives. Ok, I get it.

Writing this post reminds me of watching Revenge of the Nerds on HBO when I was in 4th grade. I watched it with my dad in Fort Hood, TX. There is a scene in the middle of the movie where Booger talks with a cop about a man arrested for mopering. Booger asks, "What is mopering?" The officer explaining it to Booger says, "Mopering is when you expose yourself to a blind person."

After this scene aired I asked my dad what exposing yourself means. He explained it, and to hammer home his point he said, "How would you like it if a girl came up to you and showed you her naked body?" Even at the tender age of 9 I did not shy away from seeing a naked girl.

So, the moral of the story is: Guys are shameless and girls unfortunately must deal with it.

51) March 24, 1986

Do you know what you did on March 24, 1986? I am certain most people do not know what they did on this particular day. But I do, because while I sifted through a giant rubbermaid container filled with old writing a couple of weeks ago, I stumbled upon an important treasure. I found my first journal. Jeanne took me shopping and suggested that I start my own diary. She took me to K-Mart and led me down the school supply aisle. I have no idea how come I chose the most grandma-looking of all the diaries available. Isn't this the strangest thing for a 9 year old boy to pick out?



















Here is the first excerpt. As I read through this thing I may post other entries. Maybe not, depending on how "personal" they are. As you probably know, a young boy's heart is a deep ocean of secrets. Did I just steal that line from Titanic? Anyway, hopefully there will be plenty to enjoy as I read through my very first journal.

March 24, 1986

Today I ate yucky beans. I threw up one of them. I saw It’s a Wonderful Life for the hundredth time. Today I got a haircut and new sunglasses. I played Mr. Ed with my dad and I just found out what etc. means. I had to read a stupid manners book. I got in trouble just because I said, “Gosh!” Tonight I had to read because I was scared. But I had a good dream.

Today I met a kid called Mike. He babysitted me. He’s real nice. We play with his video set. Dad and I played catch and played cards. I had two popcycles. I had real fun today.

50) Sanford and Son (Chris, Craig & Hardy Style)

I have organized a weekend visit to Houston in a couple of weeks with 2 friends that date back to elementary school. I see these guys frequently, so it is not a completely special occasion, though I am looking forward to it immensely. A couple of weeks ago I came up with a strange idea to take an old TV show and dub all the audio using cartoony voices for the purpose of posting the new episodes online. This would be similar to Mystery Science Theater 3000, but instead of making fun of the shows we would try to duplicate the acting and let the show make fun of itself. I suggested this to Chris and Craig. They thought the idea (and I) was strange, but they would attempt it as long as we could drink heavily while producing it.





The first show I chose was Mr. Ed, only because I want to do the voice of the horse and I think Chris would be great doing the voice of Wilbur. However, blockbuster online does not have any Mr. Ed seasons available. The second show I thought would fit this exercise was Sanford and Son. To my delight the second season was available, and eventually was sent to my house.


To execute this idea properly much work need be done on the front end, including: finding an episode with a good story, writing the script out, making a list of all the sound effects we would need to record on top of the dialogue, digitizing the episode into a computer that also has access to a good editing software package. After getting to Houston we would have to set up a computer with at least 2 microphones, and we would have to watch each scene of the episode several times before recording it. We would have to practice each scene, and hope that we would not be embarrassed by Chris's wife wondering what in the world we were doing. I started thinking about all the work going into this stupid project and called Craig, to make sure the end result was going to be worth the effort. He said, "I don't think so."















I must say, I totally agree. But the fact that I thought of this idea and started the front end work is funny to me, and I want to make sure it is cataloged somewhere so that I can look back at this near disaster and laugh.

49) Alice In Slippers

Fate sometimes intervenes in life. When it does, I feel strongly it is our duty to allow fate to exercise its will on our destiny. Wednesday night, while I lay in bed, I perused my phone to see if Alice in Wonderland was still available in movie theaters, hoping L. and I might go out on Saturday night. I discovered that Thursday night was the last night the film could be seen in the nice theater closest to our home. Generally I do not like seeing movies in the theater because they are too expensive, and I do not like seeing movies during the week because I like to relax at home. However, L. and I wanted to see this movie in the theater and Thursday night was our last chance to do so.

On Thursday a coworker approached my desk and asked me if I planned to attend the vendor meeting he'd planned for us. The vendor: NCM (National Cine Media). NCM sells commercial space in many theaters across the country in the space right before the film starts. Her presentation included a montage of big budget movies now in theaters. Alice In Wonderland owned a good 20 seconds of the montage.

At the end of her presentation, the NCM rep handed each of us gold passes to any AMC theater. The theater closest to our house happens to be an AMC theater. I sent L. an email asking if she would be interested in a spontaneous trip to the movies, that fate intervened in our lives and we had a responsibility to embrace this opportunity.

L. and I work hard, and often late. AMC scheduled the final showing for Alice In Wonderland at 7:55p. L. generally gets home (on good days) between 7:30p and 8p. She felt she could take off early from work (6:30p) so we could eat something quick and make it to the movie in time. The plan seemed to work smoothly. L. arrived about 6:45. We ate dinner and left for the movie promptly at 7:40 in order to make it to the theater and into our seats by 7:55p. We did not, however, account for Mall parking lot traffic. We pulled into the Park entrance hoping to get a spot near Dilliards. The road at the entrance forks, forcing L. and I to choose between the right and the left parking lots. I chose the right, thinking that the lot outside of Dilliards is always clear and easily accessible. My thinking was right. I pulled to the right and discovered the lot to have empty spaces from which I could choose.

It was at this point that L. looked down at her feet and discovered she wore her pink, fluffy house shoes. She said, "Oh no! I'm wearing my house slippers!" She got home from work, changed into a nice dress and decided to wait until the last minute to put on her shoes. The last minute turned out to be after we already arrived at the movie theater.

The big question arose: Do we go home and get sensible shoes but perhaps miss the first part of the movie? Or do I make L. see Alice in slippers?

What would you have done?

48) Domesticated Answer: Fitted Sheets

I know you can relate to many of the issues I address in my previous post (43) and so I am glad to bring to your attention an article I found in a magazine. I hope this helps.

47) Search Trends 4/12

Here are a couple of snapshots of the top ten searches from this week. Some of these confuse me. The Beatles made all three lists, as did the KFC Double Down (which looks disgusting by the way...the sandwich uses ck patties as bread, and cheese/bacon as the inside of the sandwich). Apparently there is an upsurge of searches on basketball wives as well as Steven Segal making it all the way to number 2. I wonder how many searches it takes to make the top ten.

46) Sewing Machine Redemption

3-4 years ago L. talked about wanting to learn how to sew. She wished to learn how to hem her own pants, make curtains, or fix small issues with torn blankets caused by our cats. It was an innocent remark that led to me buying her a nice sewing machine for Christmas to show her I was listening. I wanted to show her I support her in the endeavors she wishes to pursue in this life no matter how much I like or dislike them.

The sewing machine, as well as my attempts to show her how much I cared, completely underwhelmed her. She responded like Wayne and Garth when they visited green-screen Delaware. She said, "Hey look. A sewing machine. Thanks. I don't know what I will do with it, but thanks. Does this mean I have to start sewing stuff? Merry Christmas to you too, I guess..."

I saw her disappointment and apologized, explaining the comments and thoughts behind the present. And for the last three years, while the sewing machine collected dust in our guest room closet, she would add disclaimers when talking to me. She would say things like, "I like the sweet potato fries at Jake's Hamburgers. But hey, you don't need to get me gift certificates to the restaurant for Christmas this year, okay?" Or, "I wish I could speak another language. Oh, but please don't sign me up for a class this year for Christmas. Thanks."

This past weekend L.'s mother visited from Houston. Yards of cloth littered our living room because of a recent project we were working on to protect our new couch from our cats and dog. D. asked what we were up to and L. answered, "We are hand sewing covers for our couch cushions, because we were stupid and bought a white couch. It has taken us 3 weeks to finish 2 1/2 cushions!!!"

D. responded, "You should get a sewing machine. You could be done in a couple of hours, if you had one of those."

Liz laughed and took yet another opportunity to point out what a foolish Christmas present I purchased 3 years ago, explaining to her mother that we do have a sewing machine, but we could not get it to work properly. D. asked if she could see it. She offered to help us finish our couch cushion project if she could figure out how to make the machine work.

And she could. They assembled the bobbin, ran the thread, adjusted the stitch settings and grabbed a phone book to hoist the foot pedal. Each time the digital screen blinked an error message they consulted the manual and untangled any issues they encountered. A couple of hours later they finished the first cushion cover. L. ran into the living room where I watched basketball and hugged me, exclaiming how happy she was to have a sewing machine. She said, "Look at these stitches! This is much better than hand sewing. And you know what? Now I can hem my pants, or make curtains for our living room. I could even make a wiener dog pillow cover!"

I said, "You know, I think you owe me an apology for all the shit you've given me the last three years for this present."

She smiled and said, "You're right. I'm sorry for all the shit I've given you. I love the sewing machine and can't wait until I am better at using it. Thanks."

And though I am happy the present turned out okay, I must admit I am still somewhat of an idiot for getting her the the sewing machine. No matter what is said, if she got me a hedge-trimmer for Christmas so that I could more easily trim our front bushes, I would probably unwrap the present and say, "Hey look. Hedge-trimmers. Thanks. I don't know what I will do with this, but thanks." And perhaps three years down the line when our bushes are completely out of hand I could trim them and be thankful...

45) One Hit Wonders

Couldn't sleep last night and found myself on the couch at 2a watching One Hit Wonders on VH1. I do not usually stop on VH1, but I must admit Musical Youth's "Pass The Dootchie" ensnared me. I watched for a few minutes and heard references/snippets on songs like "Don't Worry Be Happy", "Whip It", "Puttin' On the Ritz" and "The Ghostbuster's Theme Song". And then I was blindsided by the VH1 hostess bringing up No Rain by Blind Melon. My initial reaction was anger. This network had obviously not heard any other Blind Melon song/album and had no reason for putting Blind Melon on a list with Devo, Bobby McFerrin, Taco and Ray Parker Jr. (I had to look up who sang the Ghostbuster song).







As I watched other one hit wonders like "I could walk 500 hundred miles" and "867-5309", however, it occurred to me that perhaps the other musicians featured on this show are being misrepresented as badly as Blind Melon. Perhaps Tommy Tutone's album is as impressive as Blind Melon's first album. Perhaps the guy who sang "I'm Too Sexy" has a kick ass sound that was completely overshadowed by a public's irrational love for one of his tracks.



I am not bold enough to taint my itunes recommended listening list by purchasing a Devo album, so I must defer my inquiries to the public. Anyone here get suckered into buying an album from a one hit wonder? Anyone feel angry when they see one of these bands featured unfairly on a late night VH1 crap show?

44) Dinosaur Nightmares

I have recurring nightmares that I am being chased by dinosaurs. Last night I was chased by a T-Rex in the middle of downtown. The Dinosaur wreaked havoc, destroying buildings and eating people, and all I could do was crouch behind a bicycle rack hoping the dinosaur did not see me. I took a chance and ran into a nearby hotel. My sudden movement attracted the dinosaur who chased me into the lobby. I ran into the bathroom, and worried that the dinosaur would smell me, I took the smelly urine disc from the urinal and placed it by the door, hoping that it would mask my smell. I sat in the farthest stall with my feet on the toilet so that it could not see me. I wondered how long I would have to wait in there for the Dinosaur to leave the hotel. I wondered if I would be able to sleep in there. I sat quietly and listened until I heard the door to the bathroom open. I could not see if a person opened it, but I imagined the Dinosaur pushed it open with his giant face. I held my breath.

I woke up to my alarm and was frightened, though I could not completely remember why. I am not sure why I have Dinosaur Nightmares but I have them more frequently than I care to admit. Apparently I was eaten by a T-Rex in a former life.

On a completely separate note, I saw a commercial this morning for a Toyota Sienna about a young mom who tells us she is often mistaken as her children's babysitter. She is proud that driving her Sienna makes her look and feel young. There is a shot where she shows us how her two children have their own TV in the back so they can watch their own show. The young boy who sits behind the mom is watching The Neverending Story. The shot on his screen is the same shot I put in my post a couple of weeks ago. Makes me happy that the young, hip mom was passing on classic movies to her children so that we can keep our generation's art alive.

43) Domesticated Man: Part 2

If you do not remember Domesticated Man: Part 1, refer to blog post 11.

Sundays are the days I catch up on daily life maintenance. It is my domesticated day. Earlier in this blog I mention items around the house that have changed my life for the better, and have ultimately been responsible for making me a Domesticated Man. This posting, however, will be slightly different. Here, I will discuss some of the things I have trouble with and cannot seem to figure out. If anyone reading this has answers, please help me out, as I may be in desperate need.

* Folding Fitted Sheets. I cannot fold fitted sheets to save my life. I try to fold them, but ultimately roll them up in a messy ball and stuff them in the cabinet. They barely stay in there and often fall out when I open the cabinet door for something else.
* Confusing fabric softener with laundry detergent. I once washed 4 loads of laundry using fabric softener instead of detergent. In my defense, the softener company changed the shape and color of their bottle to match the detergent we use. To my detriment, the bottle did have a snuggly bear on it.
* Shirts holding their iron. I iron my shirt, and by the time I get to work my shirt looks like I grabbed it out of the bottom of my dirty clothes hamper before putting it on. I know this is because I use Magic Sizing instead of starch, but I do not like starch.
* Lint rolling. When I lint roll my slacks, or any piece of furniture we have, I get hair up. But I never get all of the hair up. And when L. double checks my work she always uses 2-3 more sheets to complete the job I thought I sufficiently finished.
* Shaving without leaving a stray long ass hair on my neck. Or a small collection of hairs on the under side of my jawline.
* Knowing where anything is in the house. I cannot find the can of tomato sauce L. wants from the cupboard, or where the hell our extra pillow cases are at, or where we keep headache medicine. But I can always find the ketchup, my wine key and I am pretty good at knowing where our plates are, though sometimes I open the wrong cupboard door for some reason.
* Washing L.'s clothes without shrinking something expensive and that fit her perfectly, and that was the best pair of pants/sweater/dress she owned.
* Moving stuff off the counter top before wiping it off. Instead, I employ the move crap around as I am wiping and basically all I do is move around the dirt and food crumbs.
* Turning off my closet light. And I never realize I forgot until I turn my bedside lamp off and there is light coming from my closet area and I have to get out of bed to turn it off. Very frustrating.
* Vacuuming the rug. I run the vacuum over the thing 3-4 times. And once I turn the machine off and move to the next rug L. tells me I have to re-vacuum because I did not do it right the first time. I do not understand this, as there are no other buttons on the machine except the "on" button. And when I am pushing the machine on the rug, the motor is running and my dog is attacking it, so I know I pushed that button correctly. Still, it does not pick anything up and I ultimately feel like it is a waste of my time trying to vacuum.
* Cleaning glass with the blue stuff. I spray it on and wipe it off, but all that happens is messy, cloudy streaks appear that are worse looking than the dried glass circles that were on the tabletop when I began. Not sure how to make glass cleaning actually make the glass look clean. Same goes for bathroom mirrors.
* Flipping an egg that I am trying to cook over easy. The yolk busts every time and I have to call an audible, making scrambled eggs instead.
* Finding the correct lid to the tupperware piece I am using. I do not understand why we cannot have just one size of tupperware that fits only 1 lid. We have 5 different types, and it always takes me to the 5th lid before I find the one that fits.
* Getting the dirty dishes to fit into the dishwasher. I am good at rinsing and scrubbing the dishes by hand, but I put them into the dishwasher and still have 3 bowls, 4 cups and an assortment of wooden/serving spoons that do not fit. I put the powerball gel pack in the machine, but before I can turn it on L. takes everything out of the dishwasher, puts it back in, and suddenly everything fits. I do not understand how this works.

42) The Neverending Story

I am happy to say I received The Neverending Story from Blockbuster.com this week. I am going to watch it keeping in mind how much I loved it when I was younger. However, I am fully expecting the special effects to look terrible.






For Instance, I am pretty sure Falkor: The Luck Dragon is going to look like a giant robotic dog with Showbiz Pizza quality of movement.







And I remember G'Mork freaking me out when I was a kid.










But if I am being honest, I must admit that my favorite character in this film is Morla: The Ancient One. If you do not remember her, she is basically the giant turtle who lives in the Swamp of Sadness. She is irritable and sneezes a lot.





Here is my problem. I worry that kids are going to miss out on this classic film because the technology used does not compare to fantasy movies of today. I feel like the old man telling his grandchildren how great movies were back in the day. But here is what I want to do. I want to come up with a list of movies, books, bands, TV shows that come from our childhood that today's kids are going to miss out on unless parent's take action now. If I miss important things be sure to let me know.

Forgotten Art:

* The Neverending Story
* Flight of the Navigator
* Robinhood (The Disney Version)
* Knightrider
* Alf
* Pee Wee's Playhouse (even though I heard they are making this into a movie to come out within the next year. Not sure it has a chance of being as good as the show was, though)
* Q-Bert
* No Retreat No Surrender
* Steven Wright's comedy specials
* Space Camp
* Fraggle Rock

41) Hall of Fame: Dirk

This weekend I taught my class at Eastfield College on the art of persuasion. I chose to structure the class as if we were going to build an argument on a controversial topic of today. By doing this, the students could see what sort of questions they need to ask when researching their topic, as well as figuring out how they want to devise a strategy to make their point. I wanted so badly to execute this exercise using the hot and imminent topic of healthcare reform. Basically I wanted to stand in front of the class and tell my students how their beloved Republican leaders prey on their fear and prejudices, and prove to them that with a little thought and research we would learn together that our healthcare reform is not the reincarnation of Stalin's communist Russia.

Instead, I chose a more important topic. As the moderator I divided the class into 2 groups and asked this question: Should Dirk be in the Hall of Fame?

As a class we discussed the criteria needed to get into the Hall of Fame and compared Dirk's career to this criteria. The exercise engaged most of the class and at the end we were able to address the both sides of the argument. I built a spread sheet so we could see how stats combined with championships and league MVPs affect a players ability to get into the Hall. Here is a taste of that spreadsheet:








As you can see, stats alone do not guarantee a spot in the Hall. Rolando Blackman has numbers equivalent with such inductees as James Worthy and Kevin McHale, but he lacks the championships. Mark Aguirre and Joe Dumars have the numbers and a championship, but they are not in the Hall. Horry and Kerr have many championships, but they do not have the numbers, and they are not in the hall. This is a heated controversy, a seemingly rationale situation riddled with the emotion and perception of fans all over the country.

Dirk's career is not over, and his numbers have the ability to grow to an indisputable level, but if he were to retire at the end of this year, would he make it into the coveted Hall of Fame?

I will say this concerning my class: A woman in my class has no idea who Dirk is. She has lived in Dallas the last 20 years but has been able to turn the channel before any talk of Mavericks basketball could be broadcasted into her living room. She says she hates athletes because they are spoiled and they are given free passes to be drug addicts. I respect her opinion though I completely disagree, however, I am sure Stern will find a way to get this woman on the voting committee when Dirk becomes eligible for the Hall of Fame.

40) Intelligent Politics

I got a wild hair up my ass earlier this week and wrote a long letter to one of my Republican friends. I will post excerpts here so you can see what sort of letter it was:

Ok, since you are a republican I need to talk to you a little about what has been going on politically. I know you do not like getting in these discussions, but I need some clarification from a republican about some of the things other republicans are doing. If you are not familiar with many of the things I am about to reference, call your dad and talk to him about it, as I am sure he is aligned with some of this stuff.

The Baby Killer comment: I am all for people disagreeing about politics, but the Texas senator screaming out Baby Killer while referring to either Stupak (another senator) or the healthcare plan in general (depending on who you believe), I think is pretty childish. I know there are many issues like this going on in politics and people vehemently disagreeing with other people, and I am sure for every 1 comment like this we hear about 100 comments like this fly around both sides of the room. However, with
facebook and news footage I have seen recently, seems like this sort of behavior has reached a new tier and I think it is bordering on completely disrespectful and counter productive. No matter what someone’s stance on abortion (one of the most heated and controversial topics ever) healthcare is not working the way it is and something needs to happen. Calling someone a baby killer during a debate makes no sense.

2. Texas Seceding: I have seen many comments on facebook about Texas proudly seceding from the union. Thought it was just trash from ignorant Texans living in rural communities like Tyler. I was wrong. Our governor brings it up at speeches and rallies, and though there is an heir of humor in his tone, there is also some seriousness to his demeanor. I do not understand Republican figureheads (people holding high levels of office) talking about seceding when they disagree with projects the president is working on. When Bush sent us to war so that his companies would become ridiculously rich many people disagreed (including myself) but I never once considered or talked about secession from the Union. That sort of behavior gets nothing positive done and gets people fired up for the wrong reasons. I would be willing to bet that many people in Tyler hear the governor say things like that, yehaw, shoot their pistol in the air and get fired up when what we need to be doing is figuring out solutions for some of the problems we have. Again, I expect this behavior from rednecks in East Texas, not our governor. Seceding from the union is one of the stupidest ideas I have ever heard. Do you remember what happened the last time states seceded in favor of slavery? A civil war happened that cost the lives of more Americans than all other wars combined. Seceding is not a sensible solution and talking about it or threatening it is a waste of energy.

3. The tea party movement: Below is the mission statement for the Tea Party Movement. By reading the definitions stated on the Tea Party website, the main focus of the organization is to limit government involvement in America’s economy. Fiscal responsibility refers to the national deficit and the government spending too much. The constitutionally limited government is pretty clear. Free market refers to business being unrestricted by government. To me, this is completely see through, but there are people on board with this philosophy and I want to know what a republican thinks of this. By see through, I mean these are the actions and organizations of big business trying to protect the large amounts of money they already control. For instance: if you own the electric company, you do not want the government having any control over how you do business, because everyone needs electricity, there is a monopoly, so when changes happen it costs millions for this company. However, the electric company sees such high profits every quarter. What is better for the people? If the garbage were handled by a private company, what would stop them from charging $2000 a month for them to take your garbage? I would venture to say this problem happened in earlier America until the government recognized how ridiculous their rates were and took control. Yet we do not complain about garbage being handled by our government. How does the Tea Party movement help a local small business owner?

Mission Statement For Tea Party Movement (sourced from Tea Party Website)
The impetus for the Tea Party movement is excessive government spending and taxation. Our mission is to attract, educate, organize, and mobilize our fellow citizens to secure public policy consistent with our three core values of Fiscal Responsibility, Constitutionally Limited Government and Free Markets

4. Healthcare reform: The ins and outs of the healthcare reform being debated right now are somewhat confusing. However, from what I can tell, some of the main initiatives are getting healthcare for everyone and making it mandatory, lowering healthcare costs, and figuring out ways to make healthcare affordable for families who make less than$88,000 per year. I do not see what is wrong with these initiatives. It does not change much for the vast majority, except that it intends to lower healthcare costs. And Republicans are so against this they would rather secede from the union and perhaps embark on another civil war instead of tweak the bill and work with Obama to get something better figured out. I can see how forcing people to get healthcare can seem unconstitutional, but no more so than forcing people to get Auto Insurance. The idea is if everyone has insurance, there is more money in the pool, which means everyone pays less, instead of having people show up at the hospital with no insurance, get billed for $100,000 worth of hospital care, not pay and then the hospital charge more to people who do have insurance. How does this cause problems for Joe Schmo Republican? I do not understand. Can you explain to me your perspective on this?

C., I am not trying to start an argument and I am not trying to send this out to bash republicans. I really am trying to understand the rationale behind some of the things going on right now so that I can know if there are components to the democratic philosophy that I am missing or have blinders to.

And by excerpts, I guess I meant pretty much the entire thing. After sending this letter to him and a few others, I learned the answer to one of my questions. I learned that politicians will say ridiculous things (baby-killer, liar, Texas needs to secede) because when the fanatic followers hear this stuff they become inspired and will donate more money to the campaign. The people who have said the things I mentioned in this letter saw spikes in contributions aligned with the comments they made. This completely makes sense to me. Now I understand. It may make me feel less for the politician taking advantage of these people and for firing up constituents for the wrong reasons, but at least now I have some sort of understanding.

I say all this because I am considering formatting a blog that will accomplish the same sort of revelation for me writing that email did. The format would be as follows: 4 contributors (2 republicans, 2 democrats- all reasonable) will take turns posting 1 question. The question would be posted at the beginning of a 2 week cycle. For example, the question could be: Why does the Governor talk about seceding from the union when he addresses the public. After posing the question that person can write their perspective, their interpretation of possible answers. Throughout the next 2 weeks the other 3 contributors post their answers/perspectives on the question. The question and 4 answers would constitute 1 post or issue. The next contributor would begin the next post by asking his/her question. Does this make sense?

The idea behind the blog would be for sensible, middle of the road individuals to attain knowledge on an issue from both sides of the issue in a sensible environment. It would be an education blog. My question for you is: Is there any sensible people who would want to put forth effort in the name of education? Or are all the sensible people so fed up with politics that we should simply sit back and make the best of what we can?

I ask these questions because I think this blog idea, while good in theory, will take a lot of effort from me and I am not sure I want to put forth this sort of effort if there is no chance for participation. Perhaps this is at the root of the American dilemma...Laziness.

39) Random Movie Post

Over the last couple of months I have watched some random movies. The definition of random, as it pertains to this post, refers to movies I watched that were not highly publicized or did not just come out. The following is a list of some of these movies:

Boys Don't Cry: An interesting and dark movie that most people will not find much interest in. Hilary Swank won an academy award for her performance and was good in it, but the movie in general is not easy to watch. If you like longer, slower movies, then this is one you should check out. Or, if you like movies about a girl from a trailer park dressing up like a boy in an attempt to seduce other girls from trailer parks, then you might also want to check this out.

Diggers: This is a drama with Paul Rudd, Ron Eldard and Maura Tierney. It is trying to be a serious and funny look at the life of 4 clam diggers in the New York area in the 70's/80's. Was boring and tough to watch. Don't let your love for Paul Rudd lead to you giving this one a try.

Chaplin: A biographical look at the life and work of Charlie Chaplin with Robert Downey Jr. A fine movie, but slow at times. If you like biographies, period pieces or movies that glorify the history of film, this is a movie you should check out. Or if you remember the good ole days before sound ruined movies, then you might like the nostalgia of this one.

The Crucible: Winona Ryder and Daniel Day Lewis square off in colonial America in this film based on the award winning play by Arthur Miller. Actually, I do not know if the play won any awards, but I think maybe it should have. The movie is long and many aspects of the story are drawn out for dramatic purposes. At some points the tragedy and dialogue become excruciatingly Shakespearean, but all in all the movie was fine. That said, I would not necessarily suggest this film to anyone else, as it does take effort to watch and many people do not like giving effort to watch a movie.

The Piano: Another colonial drama with Holly Hunter and Harvey Keitel. This movie is slow and boring, but I liked it very much. It is a strange love story set in a realistically brutal colonial America, but the real draw for this film is the fact you get to see Harvey's penis for minutes at a time. You also get to see Holly Hunter naked, but it is not quite as captivating as Harvey Keitel. There is something about seeing The Wolf naked that makes an entire long, boring movie worthwhile.

Ethan Frome: Another colonial drama with Liam Neeson. Though long and boring, this film had potential. Ultimately, it is too long and too slow for me to endorse publicly. Anyone who watches this because I tell them to would no longer listen to my thoughts on movies. So, be warned. Long and boring with a payoff that is lackluster.

The French Connection: An old movie with Gene Hackman that I watched late night by myself after the family went to bed. I must say I enjoyed this police drama immensely. It followed many of the police drama cliches, but I cannot help but wonder if this film is responsible for many of these cliches. Hackman rocked as a gritty, down to earth detective and though the movie suffers from 1970's technology, is definitely worth the time it takes to watch.

Moon: A new movie with Sam Rockwell. Did not get much publicity, but is a cool sci-fi that strives to be like 2001 but is different enough to make an impact. Is somewhat slow, but the style works and the film should have enough going on to keep you paying attention. You should watch this movie.

My Sassy Girl: A cheesy romance movie that came out in 2008 (or sometime recently) with Elisha Cuthbert. The main dude in the movie is a terrible actor and the story is pretty much standard, but there were moments in the movie that were not too bad, if you like cheesy, romance movies. Not the wittiest of films and not one I would watch again, but if your significant other likes these sorts of movies it was one I could sit through. Be warned, the main dude is not good at acting.

Tyson: I watched the documentary on Mike Tyson that recently came out and was happy with it. Tyson is an interesting figure who dominated a sport for almost a decade. His life is interesting, especially if you wonder what it takes to be a dominant boxer. If you like sports, you should watch this. If you hate sports and documentaries bore you, then you should skip this one.

Days of Heaven: Richard Gere is a traveling worker in early 1900's America who comes up with a plan to get rich by having his woman marry a rich landowner he thinks is about to die from illness. The movie is not terrible, but this fits the category of long and boring, and so I cannot endorse it here for many of you. If you really like period pieces then you can check this one out. And you must really like period pieces, because this movie is not easy to watch.

The Escapist: A british jail movie about some guys planning an escape. It has Brian Cox and Joseph Fiennes in it and is a good movie. The only problem I had was sometimes understanding what they are saying because the accents are too thick. By the end of the movie, I watched with subtitles on. If this is a concern, you may want to skip it. But I like this one and think you should watch it.

Age of Innocence: Martin Scorcese directs Daniel Day Lewis and Michelle Pfeifer in this early American Aristocratic love story set in New York at the turn of the century. Definitely long and boring and at many points pointless. However, I was able to enjoy this one in ways I could not with films like Ethan Frome, Days of Heaven and The Crucible. I would not suggest this one for everyone, but if you love Martin Scorcese and you want to see his attempt at a period piece love story, then rent this one. Otherwise, I would consider finding something else.

Flight of the Navigator: I watched this with Liz and Stephen and must say it is a crappy 80's movie I loved when I was a kid, and thus enjoyed for nostalgic reasons now. If you remember this movie and have not seen it since you were a kid, then rent this and Howard the Duck immediately and make a nice weekend out of it. Otherwise you will be watching a crappy 80's movie and you will probably be mad at me.

The Damn United: An English film about a soccer coach from the 70's taking over the best team in the English Premier league. A nice sports film that focuses on the coaching rivalry of England's top 2 coaches in the 70's Don Revie and Brian Clough. The acting in this film is top notch, and you do not have to be a soccer fan to enjoy this one. In fact, I might suggest that the more knowledge you have about soccer the more the film's lack of soccer knowledge is exposed. I suggest this film for anyone who likes a good sports film, and this might be the best soccer film since Victory. Definitely better than Ladybugs.

If you can think of any random movies that I should watch or avoid, let me know.

38) Stephen's Wedding

My younger brother Stephen got married on March 6. It has been almost 2 weeks, much too long for me not to have posted my thoughts on the wedding and the marriage. So, here they are:

Marriage:
I couldn't be happier about the marriage. I think Stephen is built for marriage and I love Meghan a great deal. Here is a short list of the things I love about Meghan. She thinks about the future in ways Stephen does not. She understands and respects family. She is fun to be around. She is laid back and can have fun in all sorts of situations. She is beautiful. She is down to earth. She likes to sing New York, New York when she gets tipsy. She is passionate about things and she brings out Stephen's passion. This is something I have not seen with Stephen in his previous relationships. I have not seen Stephen happier in his life, and Stephen is generally a happy person. She puts up with Stephen's quirks (like watching and singing Pete's Dragon at 4 am), and on some level finds humor with them. She has a championship dance. She likes to take and be in pictures. She gives so much of herself in a world of takers. She has a strong spirit that I have not seen waver. Most importantly, she thinks I am funny.

Wedding:
The wedding weekend went well. Instead of telling a long narrative that would most likely fail to capture the grandeur of the event, I will list the things I remember and will want to look back on in the future.

* Britt asking me about the weird looking guy in the corner of the rehearsal dinner and me jokingly reply that we invited Sam Houston to the dinner.
* Joe introducing Sam Houston to the room.
* Joe whispering in Sam's ear "the guy wearing the tie behind you" as Sam is about to make his speech.
* Sam giving Stephen and Meghan a set of steak knives and talking at length about a Rose Emporium somewhere in Texas.
* Joe having each person in the room stand up and introduce himself/herself starting with Britt.
* Seeing Myra Jane enjoy a Corona with a lime.
* The two moving speeches given by Joe and Dan.
* Seeing Ashley, Amanda and Natalie pretty much grown up.
* Taking a nasty tequila shot at the hotel bar after dinner.
* Joe's introduction of Charles late night at the hotel bar.
* Joe and Garrett reliving high school glories. And by glories I mean Garrett whiffing on a crucial play in a district championship caliber game.
* Garrett's hairline touch up that extended to the middle of his head.
* The swankiest Men's Wearhouse in Houston and the hour and half drive it took us to get there. Not to mention the outfits worn by the service women inside that made me feel like I was at a cheap whorehouse somewhere in the middle of Mexico.
* Sitting in the convertible with Stephen while the top was being pummeled for 3 minutes straight by the all inclusive car wash.
* The horrible drawing of Stephen and his happy trail inside the church dressing room.
* Seeing Garrett's hairline touch up job after he put his tux on.
* Watching Mom and Beverly realize how similar their dresses were.
* Matthew's camo hat at the ceremony
* Watching Stephen watching Meghan walk down the aisle.
* Listening to Scott read the letters to Stephen and Meghan written by all the parents during the ceremony.
* The DJ at the wedding filling the dance floor simply by mentioning a relationship between how many children Stephen and Meghan will have based on the number of people on the dance floor for the first song.
* Giving my speech to Stephen and Meghan at the reception.
* Cody giving a cooler speech to Stephen and Meghan at the reception.
* Cody saying that when he first heard about Stephen and Meghan he thought tentatively to himself, "Okay?" But after getting to know Meghan he thought, "All right!" While extending a thumb's up.
* Liz having so much fun on the dance floor.
* Britt and Elissa performing The Devil Went Down to Georgia while we clapped and sang the chorus.
* Seeing Johnny and Brandon at the wedding and getting to catch up with them a little.
* Stephen on the dance floor surrounded by Dan's sisters.
* Salena dancing and sleeping at the same time.
* Watching Jeremy dancing with Kylie.
* One of Dan's sister's introducing herself to me as Dan's Brother.
* Making drinks for 90 people at the after party.
* Talking with Jules about buying some property in New Orleans
* Listening to Elissa play Irish music on the violin.
* Hearing that Stephen and Meghan made it back to the hotel around 2:30 in the morning to find Britt and Joe sitting outside talking, where they had been for several hours after the wedding.

37) Even More Bathroom Humor

2 nights ago I worked until the cleaning people came. They own the loudest vacuums in the world, and they do not care what you are doing, they are going to work until this place is quasi-clean. I needed to use the bathroom. #2. A cleaning lady entered while I was in there. I heard the door open followed by the rustling of garbage bags. I knew it was a woman because I have only seen cleaning women. I listened, hoping she would change the garbage bins and be done. She was not. I listened as she cleaned the counter tops and entered the stall next to me. I finished my thing and decided I had to leave. I walked out and she was standing right outside the stall waiting for me to finish. As I exited the stall she avoided making eye contact. I think that was the closest I have ever been to a woman while I was going to the bathroom. And I am forced to wonder, did she and I share an intimate moment, one that places her closer to me than anyone else in the world. Or does she just really hate her job enough to stand outside a stall in the men's restroom to save herself from leaving and coming back?

36) Blackout

We've been without electricity the last three days. In an attempt to make a long story short:

We noticed our monthly bill being too low and called to inquire what was going on. Sounds strange to do this, but the bill was $10, and there is no way our electric bill could ever be $10. And we considered the possibility that this was some new electric company scheme to penalize you for paying too low. We called 2 months in a row, and 2 months later they sent someone out. A month later they cut our electricity off saying we needed to fix our bypass handle on the outside meter before we would get electricity. We complained that they did not notify us or give us time or explain to us what was going on. They returned power to our house, but a couple of weeks later turned our power off again.

We had scheduled the electrician to come, but Oncor would not return power to us until it was repaired. The next morning our electrician fixed the problem and we scheduled the reconnect with Oncor, who said it would be done that day. When I got home from work they informed me the reconnect had been cancelled.

I yelled and cussed at the lady who hung up on me. I called back and explained my frustration to the next person who rescheduled my reconnect. The next day at lunch when we did not have power restored I called and asked the status of our reconnect. The lady on the phone told me that our reconnect had been denied because we did not have an inspection, and that it would take a couple of days to schedule an inspection. She went on to say that since we had been denied our reconnect, our next order would take a couple of days. It was Oncor's way of punishing us for a bogus reconnect order.

The situation was not good, and has since been taken care of. I do not know what our possible recourse is for how badly we have been treated throughout this process...especially considering we were the ones to notify them of the problem. They acted as though they caught us tampering with the meter outside to avoid service (which is a felony). They did not catch us. We reported it the first time our bill was unrealistic.

On Tuesday night I sat in the living room, in the dark. I told L. not to come home. She stayed late at her office and eventually went to a nearby friend's house. I stayed at the house because Oncor told me someone was coming out and that they would contact me to go over the situation surrounding our meter. I decided to play my guitar, which I have not played since moving back to Dallas. Unfortunately my fingernails were longer than I wanted.

I carried the largest candle I had into the bathroom to cut my fingernails by candlelight. This was one of the scariest moments I have recently experienced. Felt like the guy in the movies who is trying to disarm a bomb at the local elementary school, the moment before he was to cut the green wire. I positioned my fingernail between the iron teeth of the clippers and wondered if I perhaps went too deep with the clippers. I worried that squeezing the handle might cause the explosion of pain that occurs when you cut your nails too short. I moved my fingers closer to the candle, but it did no good. I could not see well enough.

Ultimately I cut my nails, only causing pain once, and I played 3 hours of guitar in the dark. The guy did not show up and the next day when I called the lady on the phone told me the evening technician decided to pass our house on to the morning crew.

35) Financial Fiasco

I am in the process of organizing my brother's bachelor party weekend. I have many thoughts on bachelor parties and on my brother's impending marriage that I would like address further at a later date, but for now I would like to stick with one aspect of my preparation: The Bachelor Party Cake.

I do not think I have been to a bachelor party where there was a cake, but I decided to make one for the upcoming lakehouse trip. Basically I want to bake a cake where I draw a large and graphic picture of a vagina out of icing and sprinkles. I want the picture to be grotesque. I am going for shock value. And I think my attempt to do this using basic icing drawing will be just as funny as the idea itself (which may not be that funny at all). The main reason I came up with this idea is through some of the information I heard that came from the bachelorette party. The girls had fun with their penis theme, so I want to try and give Stephen a memory as well. A giant Vagina cake is all I could come up with.

Saturday night I realized how soon the party is coming up and decided I would figure out how I wanted to draw a vagina using as few lines as possible so that I could translate it to a cake sometime this week. I brought out my sketch pad and made a few ragged attempts. I have no experience with this sort of drawing and as you can imagine the result looked terrible and hilarious. I made myself laugh at how bad it was coming out and was in the process of abandoning the entire thing, which is probably the right move to make. L. glanced over my shoulder at my sketch pad and slowly shook her head. She said, "You got it all wrong. You are trying too hard."

She grabbed a loose piece of paper from the coffee table and with 6 basic lines drew a hairy vagina with a giant penis aimed right for it. She said, "This is basically what you need." And she was right. She stayed simple and she got the result from me I was hoping to get from Stephen. I said, "That is gigantic and awesome! That is what I want on his Bachelor Cake!" I will send a follow up of how the cake looks and how it is received at the Bachelor Party. I may even include a picture.

On Sunday, we had a meeting with a financial planner. This is the second of 4 meetings in which we are gathering information about how we would like to proceed with our future finances. It is somewhat stressful and has required us gathering a lot of information and truly looking deep into our behavior as it relates to our spending habits. It has also forced us to look to the future, in ways I have not done before. Having a integrated and diversified plan in order to have retirement properly saved is an arduous task, and one I have not been enjoying.

Armed with a binder full of statements, bills, mortgage documents, bank account info and many pay stubs we drove to Addison to meet with our financial planner. We explained how new we are to all of this and how we want to be smart without sacrificing our current life experience. She assured us we will look at the situation thoroughly and make choices that will make us happy as well as benefit us long term. She said it would take some time and patience, but if we stay focused with her we would learn much and begin making good financial decisions from here on out.

She began with our liabilities. She thumbed through all the credit card statements we had gathered and our mortgage documents we brought, all the while me feeling vulnerable and embarrassed at some of the purchases I've made in the past 6 months. Next, she went through our student loans. L. has some major loans, while I have one that should be paid off within the next 6 months. The interest rates are reasonable, but still as she added the monthly numbers up I could see that our ability to save dwindled with each statement she looked through.

And then she grabbed my pay stub. She looked at my 401K contribution and my monthly net figures, and that is when I noticed a gigantic vagina with a gigantic penis aimed directly for it on the back of the page she held in her hand. I said, "oh no." L. heard me and asked what was wrong. She thought someone had texted me the Mavericks score to the game I DVRed. I pointed to the back of the page and she blurted out, "Oh shit!" Our planner asked what was wrong.

I asked if I could see the pages in her hand, to make sure what she was looking at was indeed the correct document I meant to print out. She said, "Are you afraid I might see that drawing?"

"Yes," I said.

She said, "It's too late. I already saw it."

I said, "I am so sorry. There is a reason for the drawing, albeit not a good reason, but my brother has a bachelor party coming up and I am organizing lame games for us to play."

She laughed and said, "Boys will be boys." And then she continued to say, "It is strange that you chose your financial documents to do these drawings."

I agreed with her. It was strange. And I feel like it was completely inappropriate. We'll see if she calls us back for our 3rd meeting out of 4, or if we will have to find another financial planner.

34) New Year's Resolutions

Not sure if it is too late to submit a New Year's resolution, but I do have a couple of things I would like to work on this year.  That is, a couple of things outside of the universal resolutions seen on most New Year's lists (working out, eating better, fewer hangovers per week etc...).  

1) I would like to be more apart of the family that helped raise me.  Since I left home at the age of 17 I have pretty much not looked back.  There was a certain level of training I put my parents through, since I was the first of their children to leave the nest.  I trained them not to expect calls but maybe once a month. I trained them to expect visits twice a year, one weekend during the summer and one at Christmas.  And during that weekend a particular family member could expect to see me 2 hours at most.  I forgot most birthdays and avoided family issues.  Since leaving home my mom has encountered problems of her own; problems that have on a major level taken control of how she lives on a day to day basis.  The few times a month we spoke on the phone she would tell me how she could not wait for me to move back to Houston.  Each time she told me this I assured her I was never moving back to Houston.  After graduating college I moved to Dallas.  A few years later I moved to Tyler, where I bought my first home.  It was then she realized I was not moving to Houston and her hopes changed slightly.  She would say to me, "I'm gonna sell my town home, save up some money and move to whatever city you're living in.  I have to get out of here."

A couple of years went by.  I moved from Tyler to Dallas.  One of the last conversations I had with my mother she said, "I finally got my town home on the market.  As soon as I sell it I am going to move to Tyler where I can be near Stephen.  I am going to buy a nice home on the outskirts of Tyler where I can have as many dogs as I want and Cody can move in with me if he wants."  As usual, I answered her with support and understanding.  I said, "That sounds nice."  

I have trained my mother well.  She no longer hopes to attain my attention and affection, and has instead moved to my younger brother.  The next in line.  I am a little sad because I do not want to be the one to let her down, and I certainly am not looking to push responsibility onto my brother.  Instead, I am going to make a half-assed resolution to become more involved with my family, and hope on some level I can stick to it better than I have stuck to working out, eating better and having fewer hangovers.

2) I would like to be more fun.  Generally I am a serious person.  I like watching serious movies. I like reading slower-developing books.  I do not care for hanging out at bars, dancing, or talking about what is going on in the reality tv world.  Too many times I fail to see the humor in crappy horror movies, or the way Jason Caruso takes his sunglasses off and delivers the cheesiest/stupidest line ever on CSI Miami.  I would like to change this.  I would like to become more fun.  I would like to go dancing and not be the guy sitting at the table drinking and waiting for the night to be over.  I want to be the guy on the dance floor having, and being fun.  I want to rent a handful of horror movies and make a night out of laughing and being scared by the stupid movies.  I want to dress up for Halloween this year and not be embarrassed about looking dumb (even though I must admit that each time I dress up for Halloween I look really dumb, or borderline gay). I want to cook a nice dinner and not insist on cleaning the dishes before we move on to the night's activities. I want to watch my dog tear into a chew toy without immediately following her around picking up the stuffing she leaves on the ground...and on and on.