134) Hardy and Cody's Most Excellent Adventure

Last night I learned a lot.  I learned that Joan of Arc was not Noah's wife.  I learned that Napoleon was not a good bowler.  I learned that Sigmund Freud was bit of a geek and Beethoven was exceptionally good at cleaning windows.

But more importantly, I learned that you do not want Cody cutting your hair...

133) IDs and Boats

As a child I spent many hours riding on the boat my parent's bought for our house on Lake Livingston. One particular ride stands out in my mind right now.  It was a typical weekend and we drove the boat to our subdivision marina where I jumped out of the truck and helped Joe back the trailer into the water.   Together we pushed the boat from the trailer where he started the thing and parked it near the dock for the family to get in.  This was my favorite part of our process.  I got to drive the truck and the trailer out of the water and park it in the lot next to the marina.  All by myself!

We cruised out of the marina in search for smooth waters for skiing and inner-tubing.  We had two options, in front of the park near our house or out by the dam.  Joe liked going out by the dam even though it was a little farther from our marina.  Gave us a chance to ride for a little while before the cluster that was getting the family up on skis.

About halfway out we discovered that the boat was taking on water.  LOTS of water.  Joe's first thought was that we hit something.  We looked along the edge of the boat and wondered if perhaps the problem was on the bottom where we could not see.  We lifted the back seats near the engine and discovered that the the back half of the boat was definitely sinking.  To trouble shoot we decided to head back toward the marina at a slow enough speed to help slow the pace of which the water entered the boat.  Mom and I used cups to bail water.  Stephen was extremely young and he sat at the front of the boat.  Suddenly, the engine sputtered and then stopped.  The water caused the thing to stop running, and Joe could not get it started again.

Mild panic set in.  Mom worried that we would not be able to swim in because Stephen and I were still young.  Joe worried about losing our boat.  I remember being scared and hating the feeling that there was nothing we could do but sit and bail water, hopefully faster than it was coming in.  Another family drove by and we honked our horn.  They approached us, tied a rope between our boats and dragged us back to the marina before our boat sank.  I remember the boat twisting in turning, feeling like it was going to turn over because of the awkward physics involved in towing a speed boat with an angular front.

We made it back ok and as we pulled the boat out of the water we learned that we forgot to put the plug in the boat and water was simply coming in through the little hole just below the engine.  Such a small thing, but obviously very important.  For the next several years Stephen would ask if Joe remembered to put the plug in the boat.  I bet he still, to this day wonders about the plug before getting into any boat.

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This last weekend we flew to California.  L. and I travel well together save for one thing.  She likes to arrive at the airport as the plane is pulling away from the terminal, whereas I like to arrive early enough to lazily check baggage, go through security and rest for 15 minutes before boarding.  For this trip, she did a great job packing and getting ready so that we arrived an hour and fifteen minutes early, plenty of time to get through everything with no stress.  Yet, as I parked the car and climbed onto the park and ride van, I realized I did not have my ID.  You MUST have your ID to travel.

I told L. I did not have my ID, forcing us to get off the van in front of many people who instantly realized that we missed our plane and would have the hassle of figuring out additional plans.  We got back in the car and decided to hurry back home to get it.  On the way, L. would see about finding another flight for us to take.  She called the AA helpline that confirmed our flight info before assigning a service rep.  The recording claimed that our flight had been delayed by 1 hour.  L. called again to make sure.  The recording confirmed that our flight was set to leave 1 hour later than originally planned.

It was a Thursday morning at 8:30a.  We needed to be at the baggage check in by 9:30.  The airport is roughly 30 minutes away when there is no traffic.  Thursday mornings at 8:30a there is mucho traffic.  I hauled ass all the way home.  L. laughed each time she thought about the stupidity that is me leaving my wallet at home.  I shook my head and fought back being super pissed.

I drove like a crazy person.  Very dangerous and probably should have gotten several tickets.  On the way, we arranged for the airport valet to meet us at the baggage check so that we could get out of our car and run our luggage up to the counter...which we did.  The woman behind the counter tried to tell us that we could not check our bags, but we insisted that our flight had been delayed.  Her manager confirmed and we barely made our flight.  It was an extremely stressful hour, one that I would never like to repeat.  EVER!

Now the only question is, how many years will have to hear L. ask me each time we travel if I have my ID?

PS...I wanted to title this post, IDs and Boat Plugs, but then I thought there was a chance you would think this post was about something completely different.

132) Guinness Book of World Records

I was drifting to sleep one night recently when I was painfully awaken by L. tugging at a hair growing off of my ear.  Felt like a hurtful needle being jammed into my earlobe.  She said something like, "Holy hell, is this thing attached to your ear?"  I glared and mumbled something about going for the guinness book record for longest ear hair, so leave me alone and let me sleep.  She instantly found a pic of the current record holder, pictured just below.

I saw the pic and realized I had no shot at making the Guiness Book for this particular record.  However, there are other records I might be able to compete for or have witnessed personally.  They include:

• Longest Hour of Power - played to Lonesome Dove which is like 8 hours long.  I started playing 4 and half hours in, so I would not be the record holder.  Instead, I witnessed Chris and Britt fight through the last couple of hours, finishing off a 30 pack of beer before our night really even began.
• # of times I saw Braveheart in the theater.  Cody would be proud of me.
• I would say # of times I've seen The Jungle Book, but Cody has me by a couple thousand.  I'm in second, though.
• Consecutive mornings eating donuts.  In Junior High I ate donuts every morning on the way to school.  Every!  Cody threw up donuts on the way to school every morning on the account of his asmars.
• Longest drive in the wrong direction.  One time in college, Tarek and I drove from the lakehouse to Keller Springs with a stop over in Waco.  Because of the long drive we started playing "I'm Thinking of a Person" (similar to 20 questions) outside of Waco.  Because I am not great at paying attention and we were occupied playing a game, we made it several miles north of Fort Worth before we realized we missed our turn.  We were clued in by signs pointing out the number of miles to Oklahoma.  
• Most hours to mow 1 yard for which we were only paid $35.  No doubt we were dumb for misquoting the time needed to mow this particular lot that was over grown by several years.  Chris's mom confronted the jerk after he only paid us $35.  She asked him why he was taking advantage of two dumbass kids.  He answered by saying he needed to teach us a lesson.  That if we were going to misquote something and shake on it, then we'd better honor our side of the arrangement and then learn not to be so dumb in the future.  Back then I thought he was ridiculous.  Now, however, I see his point and can't wait to meet 2 dumbass kids so that I can repay the favor.
• Whiniest dog in history.
• Most wiener dog trinkets in one house.  I feel I can go toe to toe with any old lady who thinks she has more!
• Most broken glass on front porch.  I wish I had a picture of our Alexander house in Waco, which was littered with dozens of parties worth of glass bottles.  Apparently we thought it was okay to simply throw our empties on the ground with no regard to public safety.
• Longest puke and rally.  This one does not belong to me.  Instead, this record is held by Dugat, who helped a handful of us finish a keg by going in a circle with a beer bong.  Dugat puked practically every turn, including the infamous innertube rain storm puke.  But he always came back for more.  He must have puked and rallied at least 7 times.  It would have been smarter to just pour the beer on the ground, but we all wanted to see Dugat puke again.  
• Hours playing civilization.  This one does not belong to me either.  The winner is L.  who began a game when I went out around 6p and she did not finish until I got home close to 4a.  When I got home I was prepared for serious trouble.  Instead she turned from the computer and said, "Whoa, your back already?"
• Largest sandwich award goes to a kid I knew in Junior High.    

131) Eavesdropping - Fast Food Order Edition

I call my mom over lunch once a week, and was lucky enough to overhear a conversation she had with the employee at a fast food restaurant.  It went like this:

Mom:  Hold on, Hardy, I am at the drive thru.  Yes, can I get a cheeseburger on a regular bun and a...

      -pause-

Mom:  I want a bun with no sesame seeds, please.

      -pause-

Mom:  No.  Can I get it on a bun without those little seeds all over it!  You know, the sesame seeds.

      -pause-

Mom:  A regular bun!

      -pause-

Mom:  Uh huh.  Yes.

      -pause-

Mom:  No, a cheeseburger.  But instead of the bun with all the seeds on it, I want the plain bun.

      -pause-

Mom:  Yeah.  That's right, but I also want to order some fries.  And a coke.

      -pause-

Mom:  No.  I said fries and a coke!

      -pause-

Mom:  No, I want the small cheeseburger, not the meal.  

      -pause-

Mom:  I understand that, but I only want the small cheeseburger.  

      -pause-

Mom:  Yes I still want the fries and the coke!  Good lord!  This order is easy.  I want a cheeseburger, a small fry and a coke.  But on the cheeseburger I want the plain bun, the one with no seeds on it!

      -pause-

Mom:  Yes, that's it!

130) The AristoCats

Watched The Aristocats with L. and Cody this weekend.  I'd not seen it before, which is surprising because it was brought to us by the same people who brought us some of my favorite Disney classics including: The Jungle Book, The Sword and the Stone, Robin Hood, 101 Dalmations.  Many things occurred to me while watching this movie:

• The movie is not as good as the others mentioned above, but still had the charm of an old school Disney movie.  The main characters were nothing special, but there are two hound dogs that are greatness and a drunk goose named Uncle Waldo, who was just weird.
• After the movie was over, Cody mentioned a handful of other old school disney movies that I have not seen, and now I am excited to check those out.  These include: The Rescuers, The Black Cauldron, Oliver and Company, The Great Mouse Detective
• Made me wonder if people are sharing the old school movies with their kids.  I have heard and understand discussions surrounding the Disney Princess ideal and how this is detrimental to young girls.  Part of me understands this, but part of me realizes that most girls I know grew up with Disney movies and they turned out fine.  I feel like the problem is less the movie and more about mothers treating their kids like Disney Princesses to such a degree that the child cannot separate the ideal from reality.  But I could be wrong about that.
• But there are several old school Disney movies that do not have princesses and I feel like fewer children today are watching these.  My sample size consists of all the 22-25 year olds that I have worked with over the last few years who have never heard of the classics mentioned above.  
• My plan is to start my kids off with the older ones, because once they see the computer animation, they will have a hard time going back to the older ones.  My kid MUST be able to sing the songs in Robin Hood with me so that when I am in a good mood I can say, "Oodelahlee Oodelahlee Golly What A Day!"
• When Cody was growing up, he watched Disney movies back to back to back on a continuous loop.  Before he had his own TV (the smaller one with a built in VCR) I was lucky enough to watch The Jungle Book more than 6000 times.  As a result, I have the movie completely memorized and I think the songs in this movie are the best of all the Disney movies.