129) Written On The Way To Oklahoma

On a road trip to Oklahoma City and Tulsa for work.  We got on the road early this morning, right as the sun peeked above the Eastern horizon.   Listening to Jack FM, which plays a wide range of older music like Journey, Def Leopard, Joe Walsh, with No Doubt sprinkled in there.  The idea of a road trip sounds so Romantic (notice the capital R).  There is music, bad food, horrible jokes and the excitement of going somewhere new and different.

However, sitting in the car right now, it does not feel Romantic.  One guy yawns every 45 seconds.  The other has an earbud in connected to his phone, so that he can participate in an hour long conference call.  I am in the backseat finishing up a report that is due by noon.  And right now Leonard Skynard is on the radio, and I dislike them more than almost any other band.

I’ve not ever been on a proper road trip.  And by proper, I mean a car trip that does not involve the entire family.  The closest was buying a map with Craig in the summer of 1995 before we were to head off to college.  We opened the map on his mother’s dining room table and charted different courses that would take us to various corners of the country.  We discussed the random things we could see, the music we would listen to and the places we would stay.  We figured out motel fees and gas, making sure we would be able to stay on the road for a minimum of two weeks without having to worry about money. 

But for some reason we did not go.  I can’t remember why.  Honestly, I don’t remember much from the summer.  Seems possible we were working, and never asked off.  Or perhaps we simply let the inspiration pass away without properly harnessing it the way we should have. 

However, there are a couple of things I can say about this road trip that hold true today, and I am positive they would have held true in 1995.  The countryside is beautiful.  The music is terrible and awesome.  The donuts, coffee and chips are so bad, yet so good.  And watching the country coast by, I feel one with the world in a way I miss out on working 25 floors up in Downtown Dallas.  

128) Weird Things Vol 2

More weird things:

• I have hundreds of barware glasses for any type of drink you can imagine.  This includes:  wine glasses (6 different kinds including bordeaux and burgundy), whiskey glasses (3-4 different kinds), collins glasses, champagne flutes, tumblers, snifters, beer mugs, pints, pilsners, margarita glasses, martini glasses, highballs, shot glasses, pony glasses (small beer glasses).  I only drink out of 4 of them:  my favorite wine glass, my scotch glass, my crystal whiskey glass for mixed drinks and my beer mug.  
• I also have 8-10 decanters.  Way too many, though most of them are really cool.
• I have moisture absorption issues with my hands.  When I do dishes or take a shower, I get prune hands to such a degree that Simon would roll over in his bathtub...
• I went to Baylor University, and though I had a good experience, I might have issues recommending it to my children.  
• However, if my kid shows interest in A&M I might have to downright refuse to fund his education...those fools be crazy!
• I think I missed out on part of the American adolescent experience because I have never made out with a girl in a movie theater.  The closest I got was kissing a girl in 8th grade while watching Little Man Tate.  We kissed, and then watched the movie.  It was a good movie...
• I have trouble understanding why some people do not like sour cream.  It is so delicious and is necessary for so many meals. 
• Ever since my mom got a phone with texting (a couple of months ago) I receive a text from her 4 mornings each week.  And I actually like receiving them...
• A girl I barely knew in high school referred to me as the "Dude who loves Polos" when our mutual friend brought me up in a conversation recently.  She's right.  I love them!  I guess that's better than "the Dude who loves excess barware?"
• Though I have never made out in a movie theater, I have had sex in the backseat of a car.  That's a piece of the American Experience I DID NOT miss out on...
• When I play golf I start to get cranky by hole 13, usually because I am hungry.  And I really suck at putting.
• My wife spells out words so the dog does not know what we are talking about.  These include: squirrel, hungry, bone, treat.  I usually just say the word and get reprimanded for confusing/upsetting the dog.

127) Weird Things

Some weird things about me that I cannot completely explain:

• I am addicted to dark chocolate.  I think about it randomly and then have to find some.  
• Not sure that I have "a type" when it comes to girls.  I like them all!  I have not dated anyone taller than me, though this is not from a lack of trying.
• I feel the most proud of myself when I do something nice for someone else.  Ironically, I do not go out of my way to do nice things for people all that often.  
• I am at my best when "an urgent fire" needs to be put out at work.  I can oftentimes get mired in the day to day routine of any job I have.  Perhaps I should be a 911 operator, though I am terrible at answering the phone.
• I talked to L. last night about scheduling an entire Saturday night for drinking and cleaning/organizing all the old records I have.  Sounds like a chore and a beating to everyone else, but to me sounds like an awesome Saturday night.
• I buy certain things in bulk (and by bulk I mean crazy bulk) because I cannot risk having 1 instance where I do not have that item. 
• BBQ Sauce (2 large bottles and 5 small bottles currently at the house)
• Toilet Paper (Each bathroom has 12-15 extra rolls with an unopened container of 36 rolls in the garage).  I will NOT run out of toilet paper and scramble through tissues/paper towels to get by.  
• Mrs Renfro's Spicy Habanero Salsa (1 in fridge and 3 in the cupboard)
• Dark Chocoalte (boxes of different flavors and brands)
• Japanese Rice (I do not buy this, but my aunt in Japan sends me 81 single serving Japanese rice packets per month.  I just gave Cody more than 100 packages)
• Contact Solution (6 bottles under my sink right now)
• Body Wash (5-6 bottles in my bathroom cupboard.  I never buy shampoo, just use some that L. no longer likes)
• Razors (we clean out Target every christmas because they are so cheap)
• Liquor (Beverage Depot is considerably cheaper than any other place, so I stop by there 2 times a year and stock up)
• Croutons (have 6 bags at the house right now.  They last for a long time and croutons=salad gold)
• Cat Litter (I hate buying cat litter for some reason, so I buy 10 large containers 2 times a year) 

126) Maintaining Motivation

Working out used to be about looking good to attract bitches, hoes and/or hot dudes.  But as we've gotten older it has become more about being healthy so that we might avoid certain complications that come with age.  I like thinking about people's workouts because I like understanding what motivates others and the things they will try to successfully add exercise to their daily life.  Following are ideas I have heard or tried to keep motivated without having to join cross fit or suffer through the impossible P90X:

• Guiltless Sports Viewing:  I can retire to the back room and get a good 90 minute workout in so that no one else in the house has to watch an entire boring soccer game.  This works well for me and is probably the main reason I can remain consistent.  Sports could also be substituted by one of the million home renovation/home improvement shows.  Watching people make their house cooler can actually be motivating.

• A Dash of Violence: Introduce a punching bag to the workout so that there is an element of all out violence making the workout something a person can look forward to.

• Puppy Wear Out:  Running the dogs so that they get their exercise, and you get yours.  I know someone who does this and he/she runs each dog separately, in order to maximize the amount of time he/she is running.  Plus, running both dogs at the same time doesn't work because they are excitable and crazy.

• Party Exercise: Drinking and/or smoking to make a workout fun.  I do not do this personally, but have seen it plenty of times.  Usually I see it lead to bad form, but I know a lot of people who claim that smoking out before lifting weights helps keep them focused.  Not sure I buy that.

• Partner Up: Working out with significant other.  I think having a partner helps keep motivation high.  Misery loves company and all that.  Sometimes it leads to one person being pushed too hard, or the other having to relax too much, but I feel like a happy medium can be achieved if both are willing to figure out where that line is.  And both parties must minimize criticism.  

• Low Budget Personal Trainer:  I spent a summer writing and recording 30 minute workouts as if they were mix CDs.  I would call out "pushups" followed by 30 seconds of silence...followed by "lunges"... etc.  This allowed me to tune out mentally.  I followed the instructions, executed the task for 30 seconds straight, listened to music and after 30 minutes I was freaking tired and sore.  I intermix these with other workouts because these are tough.

• The Reward System:  If I workout then I can enjoy 2 glasses of wine with dinner instead of just one.  For me the rewards are attached to drinking, but one could easily substitute desserts here.

• Ink Meter:  Get a tattoo in a key spot like your stomach or bicep.  Once you see the tattoo becoming distorted, make sure you head to your gym.  

125) A Problem With Guys - Vol 1

I know guys are annoying and dumb, and that this poses many problems throughout the world.  However, I stumbled upon another problem today I would like to explore.

A problem with guys is:  they don't get excited about much.

Today a vendor we work with had Babe's Chicken Dinner House catered to the office.  The girls in the office went NUTS!  They danced and skipped around.  They woke up early and ran a little extra so they could enjoy more greasy calories.  They counted down the minutes to lunch time starting around 9:15 am.   And when the woman walked in with the food, they cheered.  No kidding.  They CHEERED!  Their reactions made me so curious about the food because seriously, who cheers over fried chicken, corn, mashed potatoes and lettuce.

The women in the office described each entree using the word "crack".  They would say, "don't forget to get your lettuce laced with crack" or "you should get 2 helpings of crack corn".  They all agreed that the biscuits were made with flour, butter and crack, because no matter what you will come back NEEDING more.

I tried everything and must say that the corn was pretty good.  Tasted like corn with a lot of butter in it. The chicken tasted like fried chicken.  The mashed potatoes tasted like mashed potatoes with a lot of butter in them.  The lettuce salad tasted like lettuce with not enough vinegar and oil.  The biscuits tasted like biscuits cooked with a lot of butter in them.  I guess my point is, the food was ok, but it was like eating at pretty much any other fried chicken place.  Nothing to get excited about.

And that is when it hit me.  Maybe it was worth getting excited about.  The other three dudes in the office filled their plates and answered the emphatic cheers much like I did.  They nodded, smiled and answered politely, "This is good chicken and stuff..."  Perhaps we are incapable of getting excited.  Perhaps we're boring.  Perhaps we have not learned the important lesson that life is about enjoying the little things.

I reflected on this while watching all the women in our office have so much fun eating the fried chicken.  I thought about all the things I've seen girls get excited about recently:

• Getting gelato after dinner
• Ke$ha playing in Dallas
• Tiff's Treats
• Something coming in the mail.  She was not even sure what it was, but was excited until she opened it and realized it was an industrial set of toe nail clippers and guitar wall mounts
• Trublood and Dexter Sunday (Sadly, I did get a little excited about this as well)
• When one of our flowers blooms in the garden
• Ordering dessert at a restaurant
• The day office supplies are delivered
• Packages of flavored sunflower seeds
• Getting to hang out with Hadley (This one get's me excited too)
• Ordering a shake from Jack in the Box
• Knowing that she can spend an entire day in pajamas
• Breakfast tacos being brought in to the office, doesn't matter from where
• Stopping at Buc-ees for weird stuff on the way to client meetings in Austin/Waco/Houston/San Antonio
• Buying a 300th pair of shoes
• Receiving another trinket (could be wiener dog shaped, but could also be something else like a rabbit, owl, frog, noah's ark... depends on the specific girl we are talking about.

I notice how simple things, things we could choose to do anytime we want can make the girls I interact with daily so excited.  And I don't feel like I see guys getting excited like this on a daily, weekly, or even a monthly basis.  I think guys are missing something here.  

I'll end with words of wisdom brought to us by Augustus McCrae who said, "The only healthy way to live life is to learn to like all the little everyday things like, a sip of good whiskey in the evening, a soft bed, a glass of buttermilk, or a feisty gentleman like myself."

124) College Memories (Sophomore Year)

My Sophomore year of college was easily the worst year of my life.  Due to extenuating circumstances I moved from Waco to Houston in order to attend the University of Houston and live with my mom in a house in The Heights (not the hip part, but the run down part).  Following is a list of memories I have from that year:

• No Code came out that year and I listened to it everyday through a discman that plugged into my cassette player in my car.
• Growing my hair out.  I did not cut it at all and it eventually grew past my shoulders.  Made me look more Hispanic/Native American.
• I bought my first ever car - a practical, white Nissan Stanza for $5,300.
• Playing basketball in the mud outside in our backyard.  Not sure how or why we had a goal, but I played every evening before dinner.
• For dinner mom and I ate churches chicken at least 3 times a week.  The biscuits rocked.  One night Dugat and I drove to Churches to pick up food when we witnessed a cop chasing a young kid down the street.  As the cop entered our headlight beam, he completely wiped out in the middle of the street.  Dugat and I were not sure if we actually saw this, or if it was some flashback experience from an episode of COPS my mom made us watch.
• Running in Herman Park.  
• For New Years Eve, Shelley drove me and Dugat around town looking for cool bars to visit.  Dugat and I spent a good deal of the evening screaming at cars on the freeway.  When I got home, my mom had to deal with me and I woke up the next morning with my shoes still on and blood all over my clothes from wiping out a couple of times.  Not good!
• Eating lunch on the U of H campus and the squirrels would walk right up to me and wait for food.  I was bad and would make an extra sandwich to share with them.  I usually sat at a picnic table off to the side with 6-7 squirrels standing all around me.  One time there was a fat one sleeping in the middle of the sidewalk and all us students simply stepped over him on our way to class.  
• Drinking Crown Royal every night.  Even today, Crown Royal reminds me of sitting on the Harvard Street Porch with a cigarette and a glass of whiskey.
• Every morning I woke up to freshly brewed coffee.  The coffee maker did not work right and caused a terrible puddle on the kitchen counter.  I drank 2 cups each morning while watching Garfield and Friends before going to school or work...
• I worked for C-Air-s Mechanical.  2nd worst job of my life.  They hated me because I was in college and they did nothing to make me feel welcome there.  
• During the summer I worked for TX-Dot.  You would think this would have been the worst job of my life, but it wasn't.  While the work was utterly terrible, the experience was fun in a weird way.  And I hope to never forget the greatness that is Thomas Moss, Johnson, and Ned's forehead.
• During my first semester at U of H I got the courage up to ask a girl out and was happy when she said yes.  I picked her up at her house to discover that she had cut all of her hair off.  The pixie-style cut looked more like a dude haircut than a cute girl haircut.  The date was going fine until she wanted to meet a group of her "older" friends at a club that would not let in a 19 year old.  
• Taking Reverend Bob's writing class with Dylan.  Reverend Bob liked my writing and that was the only A I got the entire year.
• Dugat coming over to watch Talk Radio, Caroline in the City, Friends and Seinfeld.
• Possum living in the attic.  You could hear it scurrying around.  I hated it, but my mom thought it was funny.  
• Chris visited one weekend and brought with him from Waco a bottle of rum.  He, Tarik and Shuard (sp?) went to a frat party in Austin where they stumbled upon boxes of liquor.  They stole as much as they could carry, getting away with a couple of cases of rum and 1 case of melon liquor.  It was this weekend that I decided I was going back to Baylor no matter what the cost.  One of the best decisions of my life!
• Getting two flat tires on one drive home.  The girl I was visiting lived in Pasadena, which was a long drive.  I was stranded at 2a on the side of an unfamiliar road and was too intoxicated (as evidenced by the two flat tires) to do anything about it.  I sat on the curb wondering how angry mom was going to be for receiving a phone call to pick me up in Pasadena.  Instead, a Mexican dude in an El Camino stopped and asked me if I needed a ride.  I told him I lived 45 minutes away.  He was fine with it.  He took me home and I gave him all the money I had for gas.  Moments like that give me hope for humanity...

123) Weird Mood Thursday

In a strange mood today, and I think I can pinpoint the reason...but instead of doing that, I am going to throw out some tidbits that don't really pertain to anything.

• I don't think I give a shit about the upcoming football season.  My slowly declining interest in football could be attributed to a couple of things:  the cows sucking, the increasing danger of the sport to its players, the research required to be any good in fantasy football, and the fact that I have limited time to watch TV in my life, and I don't want to waste it.  I guess I will start the season off watching the cows, if only to give me something to watch while I am working out.
• I started my current job in Feb, and there was 1 employee here that I was not sure about.  I worried that he/she would have the ability to get under my skin in ways I was trying to escape in my previous job.  Turns out that he/she is one of my favorite people I have ever worked with, and I legitimately look forward to arriving each morning because I know he/she will be here.   Just goes to show how little first and second impressions should actually mean.
• I always have a mildly swollen, somewhat scratchy throat.  I have lozenges all around the house and in my desk and every day I must monitor if it is getting worse, or staying the same.  
• A couple of years ago I was at a work function/party where several clients (all women) asked that I take their picture with their phone.  While I was framing it one of them accused me of focusing on all the women's boobs.  She yelled at me.  I laughed and told her I was not focusing on their boobs.  She did not believe me.  After I took the photo, she jumped up and took the phone from me, so that I would not have a chance to delete the incriminating evidence.  Her friend looked over her shoulder and said, "Wow, that is a really good photo!"  The other woman thumbed through her pics to make sure I did not take more than one, and was surprised when she did not find anything.
• There is a really long hallway between our office and the bathroom, and every day I run into a coworker either going to or returning from the bathroom.  No matter who the employee is, each time we struggle for something to say until our paths eventually cross.  Most of the time I say, "The Long Walk..."
• I now buy most of my clothes off the clearance rack from Banana Republic or off one of the many clearance racks in Dilliards.  Saying it out loud makes me feel like a poser douche, but I like the way Banana Republic fits me.  Most clothes are too big on my torso (width as well as length), making me look like I am wearing one of my dad's shirts.  This is ironic because I am 4-5 inches taller than my dad.  
• It makes me sad when I see a rockstar destroy a guitar on stage.  That beautiful guitar does NOT deserve that!
• I REALLY like using bullet points.