21) Sleep Disorder

Last night I could not fall asleep. I made the painful decision to get out of bed, hoping that a change of scenery would encourage drowsiness. I searched all 700 channels at my disposal and was forced to decide between: Kiss Kiss Bang Bang (Robert Downey Jr. Movie), Asteroid Disaster: The Earth's First Apocalpse, Sportscenter Reruns, Law & Order. Late at night I try and stay away from movies for fear of getting hooked and prolonging my insomnia. Sportscenter is always a good choice, and usually what I start with. After the basketball scores, however, I was caught up and not at all interested in College Football. I gave the Asteroid Disaster show a chance. The idea has merit, but the execution annoyed me. A geeky scientist yelled at me about the global ramifications of a 2 kilometer wide asteroid striking the earth's surface. He acted like it is a new idea, and it is not. The little kid in Jurassic Park 1 was the first to bring it to my attention, so after that it is simply redundant.

Finally I chose Law & Order. Law & Order is one of the best shows ever. The show began 12 years ago, or something like that, and remains interesting and relevant. And it is addictive. I stray from my original story...

I transformed the couch into a bed by taking off the pillows and wrapping myself in a blanket Burrito-style. My house has one huge problem for insomniacs. I live with an insane cat that, in his opinion, never gets enough love. The cat jumped on the couch and rubbed his face on my face. My arms being pinned within my burrito blanket, I was helpless. I turned my face and tried bucking him off. Finally I dislodged one arm and swiped him to the ground.

He returned with vigor, as I knew he would. My arm was still out and I swiped him down again. This happened four or five times, each time my swipe hardened, until I almost threw him into the TV. He shook his head and ran off.

I finished the episode, turned the TV off and vowed I would finally sleep. The cat jumped on the couch. I did not buck this time. I withdrew my arm from the burrito and swiped him off. He jumped back on. I decided that 3rd grade engineering was necessary to thwart his onslaught. I covered my face with the blanket and using two pillows propped it up in such a way that I was able to breathe fresh air without sacrificing protection from the cat.

There were two problems with the engineering of my fortress. 1) I did not have much room to move. 2) The cat curled up on my face to fall asleep. I pushed him off but he managed to wedge himself uncomfortably between the back of my head and the couch.

This turned out to be a long story with a simple message: I did not sleep well last night.