I am in the process of organizing my brother's bachelor party weekend. I have many thoughts on bachelor parties and on my brother's impending marriage that I would like address further at a later date, but for now I would like to stick with one aspect of my preparation: The Bachelor Party Cake.
I do not think I have been to a bachelor party where there was a cake, but I decided to make one for the upcoming lakehouse trip. Basically I want to bake a cake where I draw a large and graphic picture of a vagina out of icing and sprinkles. I want the picture to be grotesque. I am going for shock value. And I think my attempt to do this using basic icing drawing will be just as funny as the idea itself (which may not be that funny at all). The main reason I came up with this idea is through some of the information I heard that came from the bachelorette party. The girls had fun with their penis theme, so I want to try and give Stephen a memory as well. A giant Vagina cake is all I could come up with.
Saturday night I realized how soon the party is coming up and decided I would figure out how I wanted to draw a vagina using as few lines as possible so that I could translate it to a cake sometime this week. I brought out my sketch pad and made a few ragged attempts. I have no experience with this sort of drawing and as you can imagine the result looked terrible and hilarious. I made myself laugh at how bad it was coming out and was in the process of abandoning the entire thing, which is probably the right move to make. L. glanced over my shoulder at my sketch pad and slowly shook her head. She said, "You got it all wrong. You are trying too hard."
She grabbed a loose piece of paper from the coffee table and with 6 basic lines drew a hairy vagina with a giant penis aimed right for it. She said, "This is basically what you need." And she was right. She stayed simple and she got the result from me I was hoping to get from Stephen. I said, "That is gigantic and awesome! That is what I want on his Bachelor Cake!" I will send a follow up of how the cake looks and how it is received at the Bachelor Party. I may even include a picture.
On Sunday, we had a meeting with a financial planner. This is the second of 4 meetings in which we are gathering information about how we would like to proceed with our future finances. It is somewhat stressful and has required us gathering a lot of information and truly looking deep into our behavior as it relates to our spending habits. It has also forced us to look to the future, in ways I have not done before. Having a integrated and diversified plan in order to have retirement properly saved is an arduous task, and one I have not been enjoying.
Armed with a binder full of statements, bills, mortgage documents, bank account info and many pay stubs we drove to Addison to meet with our financial planner. We explained how new we are to all of this and how we want to be smart without sacrificing our current life experience. She assured us we will look at the situation thoroughly and make choices that will make us happy as well as benefit us long term. She said it would take some time and patience, but if we stay focused with her we would learn much and begin making good financial decisions from here on out.
She began with our liabilities. She thumbed through all the credit card statements we had gathered and our mortgage documents we brought, all the while me feeling vulnerable and embarrassed at some of the purchases I've made in the past 6 months. Next, she went through our student loans. L. has some major loans, while I have one that should be paid off within the next 6 months. The interest rates are reasonable, but still as she added the monthly numbers up I could see that our ability to save dwindled with each statement she looked through.
And then she grabbed my pay stub. She looked at my 401K contribution and my monthly net figures, and that is when I noticed a gigantic vagina with a gigantic penis aimed directly for it on the back of the page she held in her hand. I said, "oh no." L. heard me and asked what was wrong. She thought someone had texted me the Mavericks score to the game I DVRed. I pointed to the back of the page and she blurted out, "Oh shit!" Our planner asked what was wrong.
I asked if I could see the pages in her hand, to make sure what she was looking at was indeed the correct document I meant to print out. She said, "Are you afraid I might see that drawing?"
"Yes," I said.
She said, "It's too late. I already saw it."
I said, "I am so sorry. There is a reason for the drawing, albeit not a good reason, but my brother has a bachelor party coming up and I am organizing lame games for us to play."
She laughed and said, "Boys will be boys." And then she continued to say, "It is strange that you chose your financial documents to do these drawings."
I agreed with her. It was strange. And I feel like it was completely inappropriate. We'll see if she calls us back for our 3rd meeting out of 4, or if we will have to find another financial planner.
Monday, January 25, 2010
Thursday, January 14, 2010
34) New Year's Resolutions
Not sure if it is too late to submit a New Year's resolution, but I do have a couple of things I would like to work on this year. That is, a couple of things outside of the universal resolutions seen on most New Year's lists (working out, eating better, fewer hangovers per week etc...).
1) I would like to be more apart of the family that helped raise me. Since I left home at the age of 17 I have pretty much not looked back. There was a certain level of training I put my parents through, since I was the first of their children to leave the nest. I trained them not to expect calls but maybe once a month. I trained them to expect visits twice a year, one weekend during the summer and one at Christmas. And during that weekend a particular family member could expect to see me 2 hours at most. I forgot most birthdays and avoided family issues. Since leaving home my mom has encountered problems of her own; problems that have on a major level taken control of how she lives on a day to day basis. The few times a month we spoke on the phone she would tell me how she could not wait for me to move back to Houston. Each time she told me this I assured her I was never moving back to Houston. After graduating college I moved to Dallas. A few years later I moved to Tyler, where I bought my first home. It was then she realized I was not moving to Houston and her hopes changed slightly. She would say to me, "I'm gonna sell my town home, save up some money and move to whatever city you're living in. I have to get out of here."
A couple of years went by. I moved from Tyler to Dallas. One of the last conversations I had with my mother she said, "I finally got my town home on the market. As soon as I sell it I am going to move to Tyler where I can be near Stephen. I am going to buy a nice home on the outskirts of Tyler where I can have as many dogs as I want and Cody can move in with me if he wants." As usual, I answered her with support and understanding. I said, "That sounds nice."
I have trained my mother well. She no longer hopes to attain my attention and affection, and has instead moved to my younger brother. The next in line. I am a little sad because I do not want to be the one to let her down, and I certainly am not looking to push responsibility onto my brother. Instead, I am going to make a half-assed resolution to become more involved with my family, and hope on some level I can stick to it better than I have stuck to working out, eating better and having fewer hangovers.
2) I would like to be more fun. Generally I am a serious person. I like watching serious movies. I like reading slower-developing books. I do not care for hanging out at bars, dancing, or talking about what is going on in the reality tv world. Too many times I fail to see the humor in crappy horror movies, or the way Jason Caruso takes his sunglasses off and delivers the cheesiest/stupidest line ever on CSI Miami. I would like to change this. I would like to become more fun. I would like to go dancing and not be the guy sitting at the table drinking and waiting for the night to be over. I want to be the guy on the dance floor having, and being fun. I want to rent a handful of horror movies and make a night out of laughing and being scared by the stupid movies. I want to dress up for Halloween this year and not be embarrassed about looking dumb (even though I must admit that each time I dress up for Halloween I look really dumb, or borderline gay). I want to cook a nice dinner and not insist on cleaning the dishes before we move on to the night's activities. I want to watch my dog tear into a chew toy without immediately following her around picking up the stuffing she leaves on the ground...and on and on.
1) I would like to be more apart of the family that helped raise me. Since I left home at the age of 17 I have pretty much not looked back. There was a certain level of training I put my parents through, since I was the first of their children to leave the nest. I trained them not to expect calls but maybe once a month. I trained them to expect visits twice a year, one weekend during the summer and one at Christmas. And during that weekend a particular family member could expect to see me 2 hours at most. I forgot most birthdays and avoided family issues. Since leaving home my mom has encountered problems of her own; problems that have on a major level taken control of how she lives on a day to day basis. The few times a month we spoke on the phone she would tell me how she could not wait for me to move back to Houston. Each time she told me this I assured her I was never moving back to Houston. After graduating college I moved to Dallas. A few years later I moved to Tyler, where I bought my first home. It was then she realized I was not moving to Houston and her hopes changed slightly. She would say to me, "I'm gonna sell my town home, save up some money and move to whatever city you're living in. I have to get out of here."
A couple of years went by. I moved from Tyler to Dallas. One of the last conversations I had with my mother she said, "I finally got my town home on the market. As soon as I sell it I am going to move to Tyler where I can be near Stephen. I am going to buy a nice home on the outskirts of Tyler where I can have as many dogs as I want and Cody can move in with me if he wants." As usual, I answered her with support and understanding. I said, "That sounds nice."
I have trained my mother well. She no longer hopes to attain my attention and affection, and has instead moved to my younger brother. The next in line. I am a little sad because I do not want to be the one to let her down, and I certainly am not looking to push responsibility onto my brother. Instead, I am going to make a half-assed resolution to become more involved with my family, and hope on some level I can stick to it better than I have stuck to working out, eating better and having fewer hangovers.
2) I would like to be more fun. Generally I am a serious person. I like watching serious movies. I like reading slower-developing books. I do not care for hanging out at bars, dancing, or talking about what is going on in the reality tv world. Too many times I fail to see the humor in crappy horror movies, or the way Jason Caruso takes his sunglasses off and delivers the cheesiest/stupidest line ever on CSI Miami. I would like to change this. I would like to become more fun. I would like to go dancing and not be the guy sitting at the table drinking and waiting for the night to be over. I want to be the guy on the dance floor having, and being fun. I want to rent a handful of horror movies and make a night out of laughing and being scared by the stupid movies. I want to dress up for Halloween this year and not be embarrassed about looking dumb (even though I must admit that each time I dress up for Halloween I look really dumb, or borderline gay). I want to cook a nice dinner and not insist on cleaning the dishes before we move on to the night's activities. I want to watch my dog tear into a chew toy without immediately following her around picking up the stuffing she leaves on the ground...and on and on.
Thursday, September 24, 2009
33) Makeshift Memorial
A student in Tyler, TX murdered a teacher yesterday. Stabbed him in the neck for no apparent reason. Today an article read, "A makeshift memorial surrounded a flagpole Thursday at a high school where classes resumed under tight security a day after a teacher was fatally stabbed."
My brother, Stephen, teaches at this school. He tells me about how many fights occur daily and of the complete lack of respect students have for teachers. Stephen was threatened by a student the day before the murder. Stephen stopped the student from disrupting his class, of which the student was not even a member. A teacher cannot keep order in such an environment. A teacher cannot be made responsible for teaching others when brutal death is a very real possibility.
I cannot wrap my mind around how bad a situation this is. Something serious must be done. The lines that divide and decide districting of schools in Tyler are such to keep the lower socioeconomic classes from mixing with the middle-upper classes. This idea is fundamentally incorrect. Why not call those young men and women born in those neighborhoods criminals and ship them to Australia? I realize bad things happen, and I realize we cannot let knee jerk reactions dictate education policy. However, it has been a well known fact the state of this school for many years, otherwise the district lines would not be drawn as they are and the students forced to endure this school would not enter class knowing that education is not the their primary purpose.
A teacher lost his life. Those students lost their chance for an education. And when the worst possible situation occurs we throw together a "makeshift memorial" and keep things moving in the same miserable direction.
My brother, Stephen, teaches at this school. He tells me about how many fights occur daily and of the complete lack of respect students have for teachers. Stephen was threatened by a student the day before the murder. Stephen stopped the student from disrupting his class, of which the student was not even a member. A teacher cannot keep order in such an environment. A teacher cannot be made responsible for teaching others when brutal death is a very real possibility.
I cannot wrap my mind around how bad a situation this is. Something serious must be done. The lines that divide and decide districting of schools in Tyler are such to keep the lower socioeconomic classes from mixing with the middle-upper classes. This idea is fundamentally incorrect. Why not call those young men and women born in those neighborhoods criminals and ship them to Australia? I realize bad things happen, and I realize we cannot let knee jerk reactions dictate education policy. However, it has been a well known fact the state of this school for many years, otherwise the district lines would not be drawn as they are and the students forced to endure this school would not enter class knowing that education is not the their primary purpose.
A teacher lost his life. Those students lost their chance for an education. And when the worst possible situation occurs we throw together a "makeshift memorial" and keep things moving in the same miserable direction.
Thursday, August 27, 2009
32) Not So Unemployed
Am happy to say that I am no longer unemployed. In fact, I may have over exerted myself. I have 2 jobs. I work with The Integer Group, which is an advertising agency located in Downtown Dallas. It is a big one, working on clients like AT&T, 7 Eleven and Coors. I have been assigned to work on a company called BancVue, which is going to be a big deal, and I am excited about what we have slated for January 1st.
My second job is with Eastfield College teaching 1 class a semester. I teach Speech 1315 which is the basic speech class that everyone hates. Still, I like the idea of adding this to my resume, as one of my ultimate life goals is to retire as a professor at a university and I think this is a key step in that process.
My second job is with Eastfield College teaching 1 class a semester. I teach Speech 1315 which is the basic speech class that everyone hates. Still, I like the idea of adding this to my resume, as one of my ultimate life goals is to retire as a professor at a university and I think this is a key step in that process.
Monday, June 8, 2009
31) Unemployed
I mentioned I am in Dallas now, but did not mention that I am unemployed. Have had 3 interviews so far: The Richards Group, The Dallas Mavericks, WFAA. The Richards Group straight up denied me because I told them I needed more money than they were willing to pay. The Dallas Mavericks just plain denied me. WFAA told me before the interview that they did not have any open AE positions, but that they want to begin building a relationship with me for future opportunities...so I guess I have that going for me.
Life at home is fine so far, but can feel myself getting restless. So restless in fact that I have begun work on a novel. Just the preliminary work. I suppose we will see if it amounts to anything, or if I get a job before getting the chance to finish.
Life at home is fine so far, but can feel myself getting restless. So restless in fact that I have begun work on a novel. Just the preliminary work. I suppose we will see if it amounts to anything, or if I get a job before getting the chance to finish.
Monday, June 1, 2009
30) In Dallas Now
Just completed the move to dallas. Went out to eat the last couple of days and very happy to be back in a town where there are good restaurants. Here are the places I've gone, and definitely think you should try them out:
Cubanita
Deep Sushi
Taco Diner
Steel
and of course, PF Chang's.
Cubanita
Deep Sushi
Taco Diner
Steel
and of course, PF Chang's.
Wednesday, May 6, 2009
29) Prank
I have only three days of work in Tyler left. Crazy how chapters in life sometimes begin and end abruptly. The final days at a job are awkward and lazy, and even though I sad about leaving KLTV, I am happy about moving to Dallas. These thoughts and others flowed through my mind as I left my house this morning to go to work. Until I saw my car...
My neighbor saw me hosing my car down this morning. I nodded to him while thinking, "just hosing off some penises from my car."
When I arrived at work a coworker pointed out the large amount of powder on my shoes and pant leg. I apologized and told them someone pranked me. My boss walked by at this point and asked what happened. I dropped my head in shame as I heard these words come out of my mouth, "Some friends poured baby powder all over my car and drew a lot of penises."
My neighbor saw me hosing my car down this morning. I nodded to him while thinking, "just hosing off some penises from my car."
When I arrived at work a coworker pointed out the large amount of powder on my shoes and pant leg. I apologized and told them someone pranked me. My boss walked by at this point and asked what happened. I dropped my head in shame as I heard these words come out of my mouth, "Some friends poured baby powder all over my car and drew a lot of penises."
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