Friday, April 26, 2013

101) No One Likes Youth

My last post focused on a few negatives of aging.  This time, I would like to talk a little about youth.  Last week at lunch I talked with coworkers about movies.  I made a comment about how comedies coming out today seem to gravitate toward raunchiness, not like in the old days when Steve Martin and Tom Hanks made thoughtful, wholesome comedies.  A young person at the table scoffed and said, "Tom Hanks doesn't make comedies.  He only makes serious movies."  Got me thinking about the things young people do that annoy me...making me feel very happy to be aging!

  • Movies:  I think this one is and always will be tough for me.  I work with several young people who have not seen any movies.  And I cannot wrap my head around it.  I have noticed that it is mainly girls who have this problem but I am not sure if this is because girls have this issue more often than boys, or if I only work with girls, so I am only seeing the young girls who have not seen any movies.  But, how can someone in this world grow up not having seen or even heard of movies such as: Bill & Teds (both their excellent adventure and their bogus journey), SpaceBalls, Dances With Wolves, Big, Harry and the Hendersons, Scrooged, Good Will Hunting, Robin Hood (Disney Animated Version), Lonseome Dove, The Goonies, Bull Durham, Spies Like Us, Weird Science, The Neverending Story
  • Vocabulary.  Young people shorten every word for some reason: Totes, Obvi, Bullsh, Bougiee
  • No attention span: I listen to stories all day long that completely change course mid story and no one has trouble following along except for me.  For instance, a young girl walked into the kitchen and started a story with the phrase "I can't believe I wore a white shirt the same day I brought pasta and red sauce...and ended the story with I almost went to LSU but New Orleans is too dirty" (Even though LSU is in Baton Rouge).  Without pausing she said she couldn't believe she wore a white shirt the same day she brought pasta and red sauce because she she is a messy eater, especially with pasta red sauce because she likes extra sauce because that is where the flavor is, and when she made this one last night she used paprika which she normally doesn't use but she went to Cafe Brazil recently who used Paprika on something but she can't remember what it was, and she often likes to get Brazilian food, even though Cafe Brazil has no Brazilian food and she tires of Fogo De Ciao, but there is a surprisingly good steakhouse in Lubbock even though there were no Brazilian food restaurants in Lubbock, because it is a college town and she liked college even though she applied to OU and Tech, but they are essentially the same type of school with lots of country boys, but she almost went to LSU but New Orleans is too dirty.  I seriously can't keep up.
  • Using too many letters at the end of words when typing emails or facebook: wayyyyyyyy cool, love themm, heyyy, have funnn, move arounddd, moving todayyy - all examples taken from facebook
  • Many young people I talk to have never heard of music from any other time period.  This includes 60's, 70's, 80's and 90's.  I ask if they like music and they say yes, very much.  I then ask what they listen to and they cannot give me a straight answer.  A girl sitting close to me said she listens to everything and different stuff.  I asked for her favorite artists and she could not give me one.  Instead she told me a handful of songs she likes.  Its like once the internet happened, people cannot waste time listening to an actual album.  
  • Complete disregard for sensibility, followed by complaining:  This one is complex and I see it in many forms.  I see it most with food.  The girls I have worked with will skip lunch because they are "too busy" and then be completely starving at 2p, so much so that they have to get something fast, so they walk to a nearby restaurant where they order a sandwich and cookie and bring it back to the office.  They will sit the sandwich down near their computer because they have so much work and they won't eat it.  The sandwich gets too soggy for them to eat (after 15 minutes it is too soggy) and so they throw it away, eat the cookie and then at 3:30 they are starving again.  At this point they go to starbucks for marble cake and a latte, or they go to the basement and get a candy bar.  Throughout the day they complain about always being hungry and about how they always seem to gain weight.  
  • The higher pitched trailing off of syllables often attributed to Valley Girl style speaking.  This has been happening for decades, and is usually attributed to high schoo/college age girls.  However, I would like to say that I hear this in the work place from boys and girls over the age of 25.  Also, I watch a show on HBO called Vice, which is a documentary style show.  The young guy interviewing a Korean National trying to escape the oppression of her country (which for her was being sold as a sex slave) spoke just like a high school valley girl.  I don't understand this.    

Monday, April 22, 2013

100) No One Likes Aging

For my 100th post, I will discuss everyone's favorite topic...aging.


When thinking about aging, I  have typically confined my perspectives to behavior.  I recognized that I preferred staying in on the weekends or that I worried about how manicured my lawn looked.  Or I saw the crap on TV and wondered how anyone could receive any enjoyment watching shows that have the Kardashians, or a bunch of hillbillies searching for bigfoot by cooking bacon in the woods.  These minor shifts in behavior made me feel older.  However, recently I have begun thinking about the physical manifestation of aging.  Following is a short list of things things I do differently because of aging.  Forces me to wonder what I am missing:

  • Try to put moisturizer directly on my crow's feet, which have become ferociously out of hand as I have gotten older
  • I now take vitamins.  I play soccer with an older guy (together we are easily the two oldest on the field at any given time.  We sometimes joke about playing with the kids out there and he told me that he is able to keep up because of vitamins.  Sounds good to me...
  • I try to drink milk now on a regular basis.  Similar to the above, I noticed after soccer games that my foot hurt and would not heal.  For awhile I thought it was a bruised bone that was not healing fast enough.  My goal was to get more Vitamin D because I remember mom telling me to drink milk because it was good for my bones.  Not sure if this holds true for the aging as well as the growing, but it certainly couldn't hurt.
  • I have to get up at least once, sometimes twice, each night to go to the bathroom.  Not sure why this is happening, but I suppose it is better than peeing in bed.
  • I have to stretch for about half an hour before I do anything athletic.  Otherwise, I can't move the next day.  It is the most boring half hour of my life, as I do not like stretching.  
  • I eat oatmeal every morning because a doctor once told me that eating oatmeal helps lower cholesterol.  And I know that japanese are genetically predisposed to high cholesterol.
  • My hair is definitely starting to thin.  I do not do anything specific for this, as I am not sure there is anything to do.  I keep my hair short and just don't worry about it.
  • Ridiculous amounts of hair on my ears.  I feel like Yoda.  Amazes me, as I do not understand why this is happening.  Why is it necessary for me to have 24 really long hairs on the outside of my ears?  They do not keep me warm, they do not detect anything as I move about.  They certainly don't make me any more attractive.  And it hurts when I have to pull them out!

Tuesday, April 16, 2013

99) Addictive Personality

I have an addictive personality that causes me to fall in love with so many things, to think about them, to crave them,  and ultimately include them in my every day life.  Growing up, this had the very real potential of causing me serious harm.  Luckily, I had Chris there to keep my addictive behavior in check as it pertained to the more dangerous of substances.  Following is a quick catalog of past addictions.  I am sure I am leaving many things out, but this is what I can remember off the top of my head.

  • The first addiction I can remember was the Drumstick ice cream cone.  In elementary school you could buy a drumstick by bringing a quarter to your teacher at the beginning of the day.  For the most part, I remembered my quarter.  Occasionally my mom and I would forget, and these truly were the worst days of all.
  • Around the same time my mom introduced Little Debbie Snacks.  I enjoyed many Little Debbie Addictions, including but not limited to:  Nutter Bars, Swiss Cake Rolls, Star Crunches, Oatmeal Cream Pies, Ding Dongs
  • Baseball cards.  The first two baseball cards I ever got were from The Market Place in Houston.  Chris's mother took a group of us up there and because I did not have any money she bought me a Bo Jackson rookie (donruss) and a Mark McGuire rookie (tops).  I think I still have them.  That started a 2 year craze where I bought and traded thousands of baseball cards.  Most of them have been stolen by family members or friends of family members. 
  • In junior high I would see my dad over weekends, and for the first couple of years he lived in a 1 room efficiency apartment (because it was the cheapest possible rent out there).  For lunch we went to Burger King where I ordered a double cheeseburger.  It was the perfect sandwich because it only came with mustard, ketchup and pickles...the three things I liked on a burger.  And it came with 2 patties.  It was glorious. 
  • To stay within the fast food genre for a second longer, in high school Taco Bell came out with the Double Decker Taco.  The commercials had Hakeem and Shaq.  I still crave Double Decker Tacos sometimes, though I rarely eat fast food.
  • In high school Chris introduced me to Symphony Chocolate with Toffee.  On weekends we would rent movies and buy a gigantic bar and eat it until we felt sick.  Recently, I have been craving dark chocolate again.  Every day, in fact, over the last 2 years.  L. and I have been exploring different dark chocolates.  My favorites so far include an Espresso Dark Chocolate, A Dark Chocolate with Peppers and Pop Rocks senstation (can't remember the name), and a sea salt dark chocolate with ginger wasabi.  
  • In college, I learned of 3 margarita recipes.  1 came from Craig's waiting experience at Don Julios (or some other such restaurant), 1 came from Craig's step-mom, and 1 came from the ninfarita.  I morphed them all into what became known as The Dirty Margarita.  For awhile I craved margaritas all the time, and I definitely loved Dirty Margarita nights!
  • Jackie Ala Berry.  I ate so much ala berry fajitas in my 3 years of working at Ninfa's.  Not a healthy way to live at all.  Best fajitas I've ever had and I will  go out of my way to head back to Ninfa's in Waco to get eat them.
  • Spicy Chicken Sandwich from Wendy's.  I went through a period of time where I ate at least 4 of these per week.  One might think I would tire of this sandwich after a couple of weeks.  I did not.  And will not.  I could go for a Spicy Chicken Sandwich right now!
  • About 3 years ago Beverly introduced me to Rosemary Balsamic Vinegarette (Drew's) by providing it in my annual Christmas Basket.  I have poured this dressing on my daily salad ever since.
  • Never been much of a beer drinker.  That is until I was introduced to Ten Fidy, which is an Imperial Stout from Oscar Blues Brewery.  So delicious that I often find myself thinking about stouts.  And when that happens I go home and drink one.  This happens often.
  • I am addictive to guitar shopping.  The strange thing is, I am not addicted to guitar buying.  Only guitar shopping.  I own a Fender Telecaster Deluxe 72 series and am not interested in owning another guitar.  First of all, I do not get enough guitar time to warrant a second guitar.  Second of all, I still love the sound of the one I have.  However, I enjoy looking through the catalogs that come to my house, and I often find myself online researching and looking for deals on different guitars, amplifiers and effects pedals.  Again, I am not interested in buying anything...just addicted to the shopping.
  • I cannot stop thinking of Game of Thrones.  Not sure if this really counts as an addiction, or if it is simply pure love.  But I watch the shows (usually more than once), I am reading the books, and now I get to watch some dudes weird cartoon version they post on the internet.  And I cannot seem to get enough!
  • Most recently I have become addictive to listening to and searching for old Vinyl records.  I realize this is a senseless addiction.  But I cannot help it.  I like the idea of finding an old record (I know a guy who spends most of his time going to different garage sells searching for Vinyls.  I check in with him every so often to see what new records he's stumbled upon).  I like thinking of some kid in the 70s who bought that record and listened to it while dreaming to be a rock star.  It is very strange, but I have become addicted.  

Friday, April 12, 2013

98) Elevator Fall


I could probably sue someone and make some money!  In the morning I must ride a series of elevators to make it to my floor.  It is a confusing process, but one that I have perfected without even having to look up from my phone, where I spend my normal elevator time playing Chess With Friends.  This morning, however, I learned a valuable lesson.  I learned that I cannot take elevator rides for granted anymore.

Like most people who ride the elevator, I expect it to stop at the correct floor when I push the desired button.  And like most people, I expect the elevator to align perfectly with the floor I am arriving to.  This morning, I was on my phone contemplating a killer move when the elevator door opened for my floor.  Without looking I stepped off of the elevator and felt the unexpected 1 foot free fall that happens when the elevator stops 1 foot higher than the actual floor.  Miraculously I did not throw my phone.  But I did, however, fall to the ground completely discombobulated (is that a word?) by the craziness of the unexpected drop.  

So what did I learn?  Probably nothing.  I just hope next time I do not break my leg.