We've been without electricity the last three days. In an attempt to make a long story short:
We noticed our monthly bill being too low and called to inquire what was going on. Sounds strange to do this, but the bill was $10, and there is no way our electric bill could ever be $10. And we considered the possibility that this was some new electric company scheme to penalize you for paying too low. We called 2 months in a row, and 2 months later they sent someone out. A month later they cut our electricity off saying we needed to fix our bypass handle on the outside meter before we would get electricity. We complained that they did not notify us or give us time or explain to us what was going on. They returned power to our house, but a couple of weeks later turned our power off again.
We had scheduled the electrician to come, but Oncor would not return power to us until it was repaired. The next morning our electrician fixed the problem and we scheduled the reconnect with Oncor, who said it would be done that day. When I got home from work they informed me the reconnect had been cancelled.
I yelled and cussed at the lady who hung up on me. I called back and explained my frustration to the next person who rescheduled my reconnect. The next day at lunch when we did not have power restored I called and asked the status of our reconnect. The lady on the phone told me that our reconnect had been denied because we did not have an inspection, and that it would take a couple of days to schedule an inspection. She went on to say that since we had been denied our reconnect, our next order would take a couple of days. It was Oncor's way of punishing us for a bogus reconnect order.
The situation was not good, and has since been taken care of. I do not know what our possible recourse is for how badly we have been treated throughout this process...especially considering we were the ones to notify them of the problem. They acted as though they caught us tampering with the meter outside to avoid service (which is a felony). They did not catch us. We reported it the first time our bill was unrealistic.
On Tuesday night I sat in the living room, in the dark. I told L. not to come home. She stayed late at her office and eventually went to a nearby friend's house. I stayed at the house because Oncor told me someone was coming out and that they would contact me to go over the situation surrounding our meter. I decided to play my guitar, which I have not played since moving back to Dallas. Unfortunately my fingernails were longer than I wanted.
I carried the largest candle I had into the bathroom to cut my fingernails by candlelight. This was one of the scariest moments I have recently experienced. Felt like the guy in the movies who is trying to disarm a bomb at the local elementary school, the moment before he was to cut the green wire. I positioned my fingernail between the iron teeth of the clippers and wondered if I perhaps went too deep with the clippers. I worried that squeezing the handle might cause the explosion of pain that occurs when you cut your nails too short. I moved my fingers closer to the candle, but it did no good. I could not see well enough.
Ultimately I cut my nails, only causing pain once, and I played 3 hours of guitar in the dark. The guy did not show up and the next day when I called the lady on the phone told me the evening technician decided to pass our house on to the morning crew.
Thursday, January 28, 2010
Monday, January 25, 2010
35) Financial Fiasco
I am in the process of organizing my brother's bachelor party weekend. I have many thoughts on bachelor parties and on my brother's impending marriage that I would like address further at a later date, but for now I would like to stick with one aspect of my preparation: The Bachelor Party Cake.
I do not think I have been to a bachelor party where there was a cake, but I decided to make one for the upcoming lakehouse trip. Basically I want to bake a cake where I draw a large and graphic picture of a vagina out of icing and sprinkles. I want the picture to be grotesque. I am going for shock value. And I think my attempt to do this using basic icing drawing will be just as funny as the idea itself (which may not be that funny at all). The main reason I came up with this idea is through some of the information I heard that came from the bachelorette party. The girls had fun with their penis theme, so I want to try and give Stephen a memory as well. A giant Vagina cake is all I could come up with.
Saturday night I realized how soon the party is coming up and decided I would figure out how I wanted to draw a vagina using as few lines as possible so that I could translate it to a cake sometime this week. I brought out my sketch pad and made a few ragged attempts. I have no experience with this sort of drawing and as you can imagine the result looked terrible and hilarious. I made myself laugh at how bad it was coming out and was in the process of abandoning the entire thing, which is probably the right move to make. L. glanced over my shoulder at my sketch pad and slowly shook her head. She said, "You got it all wrong. You are trying too hard."
She grabbed a loose piece of paper from the coffee table and with 6 basic lines drew a hairy vagina with a giant penis aimed right for it. She said, "This is basically what you need." And she was right. She stayed simple and she got the result from me I was hoping to get from Stephen. I said, "That is gigantic and awesome! That is what I want on his Bachelor Cake!" I will send a follow up of how the cake looks and how it is received at the Bachelor Party. I may even include a picture.
On Sunday, we had a meeting with a financial planner. This is the second of 4 meetings in which we are gathering information about how we would like to proceed with our future finances. It is somewhat stressful and has required us gathering a lot of information and truly looking deep into our behavior as it relates to our spending habits. It has also forced us to look to the future, in ways I have not done before. Having a integrated and diversified plan in order to have retirement properly saved is an arduous task, and one I have not been enjoying.
Armed with a binder full of statements, bills, mortgage documents, bank account info and many pay stubs we drove to Addison to meet with our financial planner. We explained how new we are to all of this and how we want to be smart without sacrificing our current life experience. She assured us we will look at the situation thoroughly and make choices that will make us happy as well as benefit us long term. She said it would take some time and patience, but if we stay focused with her we would learn much and begin making good financial decisions from here on out.
She began with our liabilities. She thumbed through all the credit card statements we had gathered and our mortgage documents we brought, all the while me feeling vulnerable and embarrassed at some of the purchases I've made in the past 6 months. Next, she went through our student loans. L. has some major loans, while I have one that should be paid off within the next 6 months. The interest rates are reasonable, but still as she added the monthly numbers up I could see that our ability to save dwindled with each statement she looked through.
And then she grabbed my pay stub. She looked at my 401K contribution and my monthly net figures, and that is when I noticed a gigantic vagina with a gigantic penis aimed directly for it on the back of the page she held in her hand. I said, "oh no." L. heard me and asked what was wrong. She thought someone had texted me the Mavericks score to the game I DVRed. I pointed to the back of the page and she blurted out, "Oh shit!" Our planner asked what was wrong.
I asked if I could see the pages in her hand, to make sure what she was looking at was indeed the correct document I meant to print out. She said, "Are you afraid I might see that drawing?"
"Yes," I said.
She said, "It's too late. I already saw it."
I said, "I am so sorry. There is a reason for the drawing, albeit not a good reason, but my brother has a bachelor party coming up and I am organizing lame games for us to play."
She laughed and said, "Boys will be boys." And then she continued to say, "It is strange that you chose your financial documents to do these drawings."
I agreed with her. It was strange. And I feel like it was completely inappropriate. We'll see if she calls us back for our 3rd meeting out of 4, or if we will have to find another financial planner.
I do not think I have been to a bachelor party where there was a cake, but I decided to make one for the upcoming lakehouse trip. Basically I want to bake a cake where I draw a large and graphic picture of a vagina out of icing and sprinkles. I want the picture to be grotesque. I am going for shock value. And I think my attempt to do this using basic icing drawing will be just as funny as the idea itself (which may not be that funny at all). The main reason I came up with this idea is through some of the information I heard that came from the bachelorette party. The girls had fun with their penis theme, so I want to try and give Stephen a memory as well. A giant Vagina cake is all I could come up with.
Saturday night I realized how soon the party is coming up and decided I would figure out how I wanted to draw a vagina using as few lines as possible so that I could translate it to a cake sometime this week. I brought out my sketch pad and made a few ragged attempts. I have no experience with this sort of drawing and as you can imagine the result looked terrible and hilarious. I made myself laugh at how bad it was coming out and was in the process of abandoning the entire thing, which is probably the right move to make. L. glanced over my shoulder at my sketch pad and slowly shook her head. She said, "You got it all wrong. You are trying too hard."
She grabbed a loose piece of paper from the coffee table and with 6 basic lines drew a hairy vagina with a giant penis aimed right for it. She said, "This is basically what you need." And she was right. She stayed simple and she got the result from me I was hoping to get from Stephen. I said, "That is gigantic and awesome! That is what I want on his Bachelor Cake!" I will send a follow up of how the cake looks and how it is received at the Bachelor Party. I may even include a picture.
On Sunday, we had a meeting with a financial planner. This is the second of 4 meetings in which we are gathering information about how we would like to proceed with our future finances. It is somewhat stressful and has required us gathering a lot of information and truly looking deep into our behavior as it relates to our spending habits. It has also forced us to look to the future, in ways I have not done before. Having a integrated and diversified plan in order to have retirement properly saved is an arduous task, and one I have not been enjoying.
Armed with a binder full of statements, bills, mortgage documents, bank account info and many pay stubs we drove to Addison to meet with our financial planner. We explained how new we are to all of this and how we want to be smart without sacrificing our current life experience. She assured us we will look at the situation thoroughly and make choices that will make us happy as well as benefit us long term. She said it would take some time and patience, but if we stay focused with her we would learn much and begin making good financial decisions from here on out.
She began with our liabilities. She thumbed through all the credit card statements we had gathered and our mortgage documents we brought, all the while me feeling vulnerable and embarrassed at some of the purchases I've made in the past 6 months. Next, she went through our student loans. L. has some major loans, while I have one that should be paid off within the next 6 months. The interest rates are reasonable, but still as she added the monthly numbers up I could see that our ability to save dwindled with each statement she looked through.
And then she grabbed my pay stub. She looked at my 401K contribution and my monthly net figures, and that is when I noticed a gigantic vagina with a gigantic penis aimed directly for it on the back of the page she held in her hand. I said, "oh no." L. heard me and asked what was wrong. She thought someone had texted me the Mavericks score to the game I DVRed. I pointed to the back of the page and she blurted out, "Oh shit!" Our planner asked what was wrong.
I asked if I could see the pages in her hand, to make sure what she was looking at was indeed the correct document I meant to print out. She said, "Are you afraid I might see that drawing?"
"Yes," I said.
She said, "It's too late. I already saw it."
I said, "I am so sorry. There is a reason for the drawing, albeit not a good reason, but my brother has a bachelor party coming up and I am organizing lame games for us to play."
She laughed and said, "Boys will be boys." And then she continued to say, "It is strange that you chose your financial documents to do these drawings."
I agreed with her. It was strange. And I feel like it was completely inappropriate. We'll see if she calls us back for our 3rd meeting out of 4, or if we will have to find another financial planner.
Thursday, January 14, 2010
34) New Year's Resolutions
Not sure if it is too late to submit a New Year's resolution, but I do have a couple of things I would like to work on this year. That is, a couple of things outside of the universal resolutions seen on most New Year's lists (working out, eating better, fewer hangovers per week etc...).
1) I would like to be more apart of the family that helped raise me. Since I left home at the age of 17 I have pretty much not looked back. There was a certain level of training I put my parents through, since I was the first of their children to leave the nest. I trained them not to expect calls but maybe once a month. I trained them to expect visits twice a year, one weekend during the summer and one at Christmas. And during that weekend a particular family member could expect to see me 2 hours at most. I forgot most birthdays and avoided family issues. Since leaving home my mom has encountered problems of her own; problems that have on a major level taken control of how she lives on a day to day basis. The few times a month we spoke on the phone she would tell me how she could not wait for me to move back to Houston. Each time she told me this I assured her I was never moving back to Houston. After graduating college I moved to Dallas. A few years later I moved to Tyler, where I bought my first home. It was then she realized I was not moving to Houston and her hopes changed slightly. She would say to me, "I'm gonna sell my town home, save up some money and move to whatever city you're living in. I have to get out of here."
A couple of years went by. I moved from Tyler to Dallas. One of the last conversations I had with my mother she said, "I finally got my town home on the market. As soon as I sell it I am going to move to Tyler where I can be near Stephen. I am going to buy a nice home on the outskirts of Tyler where I can have as many dogs as I want and Cody can move in with me if he wants." As usual, I answered her with support and understanding. I said, "That sounds nice."
I have trained my mother well. She no longer hopes to attain my attention and affection, and has instead moved to my younger brother. The next in line. I am a little sad because I do not want to be the one to let her down, and I certainly am not looking to push responsibility onto my brother. Instead, I am going to make a half-assed resolution to become more involved with my family, and hope on some level I can stick to it better than I have stuck to working out, eating better and having fewer hangovers.
2) I would like to be more fun. Generally I am a serious person. I like watching serious movies. I like reading slower-developing books. I do not care for hanging out at bars, dancing, or talking about what is going on in the reality tv world. Too many times I fail to see the humor in crappy horror movies, or the way Jason Caruso takes his sunglasses off and delivers the cheesiest/stupidest line ever on CSI Miami. I would like to change this. I would like to become more fun. I would like to go dancing and not be the guy sitting at the table drinking and waiting for the night to be over. I want to be the guy on the dance floor having, and being fun. I want to rent a handful of horror movies and make a night out of laughing and being scared by the stupid movies. I want to dress up for Halloween this year and not be embarrassed about looking dumb (even though I must admit that each time I dress up for Halloween I look really dumb, or borderline gay). I want to cook a nice dinner and not insist on cleaning the dishes before we move on to the night's activities. I want to watch my dog tear into a chew toy without immediately following her around picking up the stuffing she leaves on the ground...and on and on.
1) I would like to be more apart of the family that helped raise me. Since I left home at the age of 17 I have pretty much not looked back. There was a certain level of training I put my parents through, since I was the first of their children to leave the nest. I trained them not to expect calls but maybe once a month. I trained them to expect visits twice a year, one weekend during the summer and one at Christmas. And during that weekend a particular family member could expect to see me 2 hours at most. I forgot most birthdays and avoided family issues. Since leaving home my mom has encountered problems of her own; problems that have on a major level taken control of how she lives on a day to day basis. The few times a month we spoke on the phone she would tell me how she could not wait for me to move back to Houston. Each time she told me this I assured her I was never moving back to Houston. After graduating college I moved to Dallas. A few years later I moved to Tyler, where I bought my first home. It was then she realized I was not moving to Houston and her hopes changed slightly. She would say to me, "I'm gonna sell my town home, save up some money and move to whatever city you're living in. I have to get out of here."
A couple of years went by. I moved from Tyler to Dallas. One of the last conversations I had with my mother she said, "I finally got my town home on the market. As soon as I sell it I am going to move to Tyler where I can be near Stephen. I am going to buy a nice home on the outskirts of Tyler where I can have as many dogs as I want and Cody can move in with me if he wants." As usual, I answered her with support and understanding. I said, "That sounds nice."
I have trained my mother well. She no longer hopes to attain my attention and affection, and has instead moved to my younger brother. The next in line. I am a little sad because I do not want to be the one to let her down, and I certainly am not looking to push responsibility onto my brother. Instead, I am going to make a half-assed resolution to become more involved with my family, and hope on some level I can stick to it better than I have stuck to working out, eating better and having fewer hangovers.
2) I would like to be more fun. Generally I am a serious person. I like watching serious movies. I like reading slower-developing books. I do not care for hanging out at bars, dancing, or talking about what is going on in the reality tv world. Too many times I fail to see the humor in crappy horror movies, or the way Jason Caruso takes his sunglasses off and delivers the cheesiest/stupidest line ever on CSI Miami. I would like to change this. I would like to become more fun. I would like to go dancing and not be the guy sitting at the table drinking and waiting for the night to be over. I want to be the guy on the dance floor having, and being fun. I want to rent a handful of horror movies and make a night out of laughing and being scared by the stupid movies. I want to dress up for Halloween this year and not be embarrassed about looking dumb (even though I must admit that each time I dress up for Halloween I look really dumb, or borderline gay). I want to cook a nice dinner and not insist on cleaning the dishes before we move on to the night's activities. I want to watch my dog tear into a chew toy without immediately following her around picking up the stuffing she leaves on the ground...and on and on.
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